The Melancholy of Megaman Zero
by kaelenmitharos
Summary: Alien, time traveler, esper, and Kyon. What about Haruhi's wish to meet a slider? Rated M for violence. Now complete, so enjoy!
1. The Arrival of Megaman Zero

**Chapter 1: The Arrival of Megaman Zero**

I suppose I'll tell the story from the beginning. It really started before Inafune Cipher arrived in our universe. Geez, that sounds weird! But anyway, I have to tell you this or you won't understand what's going on. I'll repeat it just how he told it to me.

After I explain his story, I'll go on telling the rest of it how it happened to me. A lot of other things happened during the period of time: I learned firsthand about Koizumi's esper powers, I got a visit from Asahina-san from the future, and I learned more about why Haruhi acts the way she does. I can tell you all about that later.

So, on with this story. To be clear, this next scene happened just before Inafune arrived here. I never saw it, but I'll take his word for it.

00000

I slid my beam saber out of the man's belly, allowing him to fall to the ground. He twitched and gasped for breath, the laser rifle slipping from his nerveless hands.

I sheathed my weapon and looked back over my shoulder. The boy ran towards me across the asphalt, the soles of his bare feet black with grime. His older brother ran after him, his face pale.

"Mr. Zero! You did it, you saved us!" the boy embraced my cold metal body.

His brother stopped as though paralyzed, watching me through wide grey eyes. "Don't hurt him!"

I turned from the older brother to the boy, who tugged on my immense blond ponytail. As a robot, I felt no discomfort.

"Here. Take this to your brother." I showed him a device I'd taken from the man before I stabbed him. "It's called a dead man's switch. Keep this button depressed. If you let the button go up before your people find and disable the bomb, it will explode and the colony wall will rupture like the man threatened." I held it out to him.

He took it very carefully, slipping his little thumbs over the button as it left my robotic grip. "But why are you giving it to me, Mr. Zero?"

"I'm leaving. Sorry for the mess." I gestured at the dying man. "Now tell your brother what I told you, and give him the switch."

"You're leaving? But why, Mr. Zero?" he switched his gaze from the device to me, eyes wide.

I blinked, looking around for the last time at the colony. Outside the huge, translucent dome that curved over the colony's gardens, streets and buildings, I could see the sun beating down on the harsh Martian deserts. Inside the dome, machines regulated and preserved an Earthlike atmosphere for its inhabitants. It was only a tiny sample of this universe I'd visited for a few short hours. Behind me, the wounded terrorist's gasps ended in a death rattle.

"I don't know. I used to, but I don't anymore. Goodbye, little human." I stepped away from him.

I don't know what happened after that. I don't know if my body fell, or decomposed into its basic elements, or simply vanished in a puff of hydrogen. For that matter, maybe the boy dropped the device and the terrorist's hidden bomb exploded, putting a hole in the colony's outer wall and letting out the carefully preserved atmosphere. Maybe everyone died. I'd done my duty, but what if the colonists all died anyway? As a robot, I barely even thought about it. Now that I've taken human form, I lie awake at night, wondering.

Regardless of my feelings, the colony disappeared from around me. I

immediately found myself in a new place, a new universe.

A chair hit me in the chest.

00000

I breathed deeply in the silent corridor. Since the classroom windows are all stained, there was no way I'd be able to see what's going on inside, though I could tell that the setting sun had colored the room orange-red. I casually opened the 1-5 classroom door and stuck my head inside.

I wasn't surprised to see someone waiting inside the classroom. I wasn't really surprised that it was a girl. After all, the note's message, "After school when everyone else has left, come to the 1-5 classroom," had been penned in a girl's handwriting.

Still, when I saw who waited for me in that room, my eyes widened in shock. She stood in front of the blackboard, a person who I would not have thought of at all.

"You're late." Asakura Ryoko smiled.

If I'd had any idea at that time of what she was, I would've turned and run for my life.

She flicked her long, silky hair and walked down the aisle. The smooth thighs under her folded skirt distracted me terribly. She stopped in the center of the classroom and waved towards me with a smile. "Come in!"

Drawn in like a fish on a line, I let go of the door handle and walked towards her. "So it's you."

"Yes, surprised?" Asakura smiled happily, the right side of her face red from the sunset's ruddy glow.

I tried to sound rough and distant. "You looking for me?"

"Indeed I was looking for you. I have something to ask you." She giggled, turning her white face in my direction. "Have you heard of the saying, 'It is better to take action and regret it than to take no action at all? Do you think that that makes sense?"

"I'm not really sure who said that, but I guess the meaning makes sense."

"If there exists a situation where staying in the status quo would make things worse, and you have no idea how to improve it, what would you do?"

"Improve on what? The economy?"

Ignoring my question, Asakura smiled and continued. "Wouldn't you have said that you should do it first and face the consequences later? Since nothing is going to change if things continue like this."

"Hmm, I guess so."

"That's what I meant." Asakura, who had her hands behind her back, leaned forward slightly. "However, since those above are incapable of thinking laterally, they are out of touch with the rapid changes in this reality, and I'm compelled to do something in order to make things run smoothly. That's why, being in this reality, I have decided to act on my own and force some changes."

What on Earth are you trying to say? Is this some sort of prank? I looked around the room, wondering whether Taniguchi was hiding in the cabinet holding the sweeping tools behind, or sitting under the teacher's desk.

"I've grown tired of having to observe a changeless environment, that's why…"

I was so busy looking around that I didn't really hear what Asakura was saying.

"I'm going to kill you, and see how Suzumiya Haruhi reacts."

Asakura leapt towards me, and a white metallic flash sliced by where my neck used to be. Smiling pleasantly, she now held an army knife in her right hand.

I was very lucky to have dodged the first strike. Having fallen on my backside, I looked up at her and blanched. If she trapped me, she might really hurt me with that thing! I scuttled backwards on my hands and feet, like a locust.

Why didn't Asakura give chase?

...No, wait! What on Earth's going on? Why is Asakura trying to stab me with a knife? Wait a second, what did she just say? She wants to kill me? Kill me? But, why!

"Stop joking around!" I could only give her my trademark line. "That was really dangerous! Even if that were only a fake knife, I'd still be scared! Put that thing away!"

I was really confounded. If someone knows what's going on, please come out and explain to me!

"You think I'm joking?" Asakura asked cheerfully. Watching her, a high school girl, smiling and threatening me with a knife turned out to be downright terrifying.

"Hmph!" she patted her shoulder with the back of the knife blade. "You don't like dying? You don't want to die? The death of organic entities means nothing to me."

I slowly stood up. It was all too surreal. I kept telling myself it had to be a joke, that I was only scared because I was taking it too seriously. Asakura was the serious, responsible class president, who only talked when necessary in class, and faced problems calmly, even serenely. Why would she try to knife me all of a sudden?

Yet that knife was real. If I wasn't careful I would be bleeding all over the place. "I don't get what you're saying. This isn't funny anymore, OK? Put that scary thing away!"

"I can't do that," Asakura smiled her usual innocent smile, "because I really want you dead."

She held her knife by her waist, and started rushing towards me. She was fast! This time I was prepared, because long before Asakura made her move, I had set myself to escape through the door—yet I ended up hitting a wall.

"Huh?"

Where the heck did the door go? And the windows to the hallway! It was all gone, replaced with a thick grey wall. Impossible!

"It's useless." Asakura's voice grew closer from behind. "I now have control of this area of space, so all exits have been blocked. It's easy actually, all I needed to do was tamper with the molecular structure of the building and now I can change its matter at will. This room is now a sealed room, with no way in or out."

I turned around and noticed that the sunlight had gone as well. Concrete walls surrounded the room, leaving only the white lamps shining coldly on the desks. How could this be happening?

Asakura's silhouette moved slowly towards me. "I advise you to stop resisting; you're going to die, anyway."

"…Who exactly are you?"

No matter how I looked, there were walls around me. There wasn't a single door, a single window, nothing! Could something be wrong with my brain?

I moved frantically between the desks, trying to get as far from Asakura as possible. She walked towards me in a straight line, moving the desks and chairs out of her path at will, but my way was always blocked. This cat and mouse chase didn't last long, and soon Asakura had me cornered.

If that was the case...

I decided to take a risk and throw a chair at her. It seemed like the best option in a bad scenario. Would it have gone differently if I held back instead? I don't know.

Thump! Crash!

That chair I threw never hit Asakura, even though she didn't bother to dodge. Some new person stood between myself and her. He was tall, and blond, and muscled like a martial arts master. He put a hand to his chest where the chair had bounced off. "That was a chair…who are you people?"

I stared at him as he looked from me to Asakura. "It's more like, who are you?"

He didn't bother to answer my question, but stepped out from between myself and Asakura. My fear level rose higher again. Don't let her kill me!

"Do I need to draw my sword or are you two done fighting?"

There was a long pause. Asakura's mouth formed a perfect little "o" of surprise.

"I think we are." She smiled. How dare you smile so innocently!

I realized the new person was staring at me. What do you want from me? "She was trying to kill me! I had no choice!"

"I don't care. Just stop fighting."

"You don't understand—"

I stopped as I looked down the length of the new person's sword. He had drawn it so fast, my eyes couldn't even register the motion. I stared at it for a moment in disbelief.

The guy looked down at his weapon. He looked almost as surprised as me. "Wood? A wooden sword? What kind of universe is this?"

You tell me, buddy. I don't think I know anymore.

As if in answer to the stranger's question, the air started to shake. The ceiling suddenly broke with a tremendous crack. Debris and dust filled the air as chunks of the ceiling fell to the floor, and I couldn't see or breathe. Some of the chunks of ceiling hit me, too! Ouch, that hurts, darn it!

I had crouched down in a little ball on the floor. When I finally looked up through the clouds of white dust, I saw three figures in the classroom.

The stranger.

Asakura Ryoko.

Nagato Yuki.

Boy was I ever glad to see that weird person.

"Your programs are too basic." Nagato looked right at Asakura as she spoke. "The data lockdown around the area was incomplete. That is why I was able to discover it and enter."

"…" the still-unnamed stranger stood off to one side, wooden sword held at the ready. I took a second to look at him more closely.

He wore one of our standard school uniforms, but one big enough to fit his tall, muscled frame. The sheath for his sword hung from his left hip on a leather swordbelt. More impressive than—or at least weirder than—anything else, his blond hair fell all the way to his knees in an enormous samurai-style ponytail. He stood and moved with such complete control and a scary feeling of quiet strength. Can you tell he scared me as much as Asakura? And he hadn't even tried to kill me. Yet.

"You wanted to get in my way?" Asakura sounded calm. She directed her comments towards Nagato. "Well, it's not an issue any more. The situation is very different now."

For the first time, Nagato looked in the stranger's direction. She simply stared at him a moment, then finally blinked. "Who are you?"

The stranger's eyes glazed over a little bit, and he stood up a little stiffer. His voice sounded like a machine recording for a second. "I am Megaman Zero, a fighting robot from another century. This is my friend Megaman X—"

He stopped, a cold expression coming over his face. He shook his head. "No. No. It's just me now. And…I'm not a robot here. Who are you people?"

Meanwhile, I was thinking, Megaman Zero? What kind of name is that?

"I am Asakura Ryoko, a Living Humanoid interface for the Integrated Data Sentient Entity. Pleased to make your acquaintance!" Ignoring Megaman Zero's rudeness, Asakura stepped up and presented herself with a cheerful bow. "I hope to learn more about you soon, Megaman-san."

"Nagato Yuki." Nagato announced herself in a chant-like monotone. There could not have been more of a difference between the two girls. "Your data is very strange."

"Ah, so you can't read him either? How fascinating." The blue-haired fiend spoke again. "Megaman-san, I don't think any of us here want to fight. Would you like to walk home with me? I can explain more of this world on the way, and you can tell me about yourself. Won't that be interesting?"

Zero seemed to think for a long moment. Finally, he sheathed his wooden sword and looked around. His great golden ponytail swished from one side to the other with the motion of his head. "Very well. Do we leave through that?"

He pointed to the hole in the ceiling Nagato had made. Wait, this was happening too fast! Was he really going to leave with Asakura? Well, better him than me, that's all I can say.

"No, I'll restore this space to normal. Here—"

She waved a hand, and the disordered chairs and desks returned to their original positions. The door and windows all reappeared. In short, everything went back to normal, as if nothing had ever happened. Wait, can this possibly be real? This girl has too much power!

I looked to Nagato. From what she had told me the other night…was she as powerful as Asakura? Then a thought struck me. Had she come here to protect me from the psychotic class president? Or maybe from the crazed ponytail guy?

"Asakura Ryoko." Nagato's voice was robotic as usual. "You are supposed to be my backup. You are not supposed to act out in this way without my command."

Asakura just smiled. "Sorry, Nagato-san. Please enjoy the rest of your day."

With that insincere comment, she left. Zero followed her to the door, then looked back at myself and Nagato. Cogwheels turned behind his impassive face; he seemed about to say something, but instead simply nodded to us and left.

That left me and Nagato alone. I looked to her and gulped. I don't know why, but for a moment I thought she might turn on me like Asakura had.

She looked back at me with a face like a stone. For a second, though, I thought I saw the slightest crack in the wall. As she looked at me she said,

"You are undamaged?"

I nodded dumbly. She looked at my chest.

"Your tie…"

I glanced down. "Oh…Asakura-san must have cut it when she was trying to knife me." I broke into a cold sweat thinking of what had nearly happened. "Say, Nagato-san, what happened there? I still don't understand why she tried to kill me! Just to get a response out of Haruhi? Hey, what are you doing?"

Nagato had walked right up to me and put her hand on the knot of my necktie. As I watched, the severed tails of it regenerated like a really good-looking computer graphics effect. "Wow. That's impressive."

"Yo!"

The classroom door suddenly opened.

"I forgot~ I forgot my stuff~"

Darn, there entering the classroom, humming a stupid song, was Taniguchi.

He probably never thought there would still be people in the classroom. When he saw me and Nagato up close, with Nagato's hand on my necktie, I really don't know what he thought we were doing. He stood there with his mouth open.

"I'm so sorry." His tone turned super-serious all of the sudden, and he hurriedly bowed. "Please excuse me for interrupting!"

With that, Taniguchi dashed off. What a doofus. I turned to Nagato, who had released my tie.

"Never mind him. Nagato-san, can you please explain what happened today?"

She gazed up at me like a monument at a gravesite. "At this time, I cannot."

"Why not? Don't you know?"

I felt even more lost, watching her expression. Nagato just shook her head.

"I lack sufficient information. More study is required."

I let out a big sigh and put my head in my hands. If someone knows what happened to my old, sane, peaceful life, I'm offering a 100,000 Yen reward for its return. No I don't have the money on hand, but I'd go without lunch for a year to have a normal universe again.

Whatever. I looked at my watch. Aliens and their threats on my life aside, my parents probably wanted me home in time for dinner. At least that part of my fragile existence hasn't yet been destroyed by supernatural invasion.

"I guess I'll go back to my house now. Assuming I survive to get there."

With that melancholy statement, I turned to leave. I felt the merest touch on the back of my sleeve as I went, like a hamster's tug. I thought this day had run out of surprises, but I turned back to Nagato with raised eyebrows.

By normal standards, the expression she gave me was as emotional as a glacier. But by Nagato's standards, it was like a volcano. She said two words that filled me with foreboding.

"Be careful."

00000

So, like a cannonball blasting through the wall of my house, Megaman Zero arrived in our universe. But didn't I tell you it was Inafune Cipher who arrived? Yeah. Weird things have only started to happen, thanks to Haruhi and her stupid imagination. Now that she'd brought in all four of her supernatural desires—alien, time traveller, esper, and slider—I was in for the adventure of my life, whether I wanted to be or not. Like that old Chinese curse, my life has become a proverb for the foolhardy:

"May you live in interesting times."

* * *

_Legal disclaimer: I don't own anything but the half-mad idea of Capcom's Zero as a slider._


	2. The Pretense of Inafune Cipher

**Chapter 2: The Pretense of Inafune Cipher**

That evening and the following morning before school passed without any trouble. I dreamed about flying wooden knives trying to untie my necktie. Other than that, life continued as normal. No one tried to kill me, and no tall, blond strangers appeared out of nowhere wearing our school uniform. However, by the time I finished the uphill climb to the school building, the crazy train was already rolling full speed down the tracks.

Taniguchi was the first to break the story to me. He caught me at my shoe locker.

"Kyon, have you heard the news? Not that it's a big deal to you, I guess, since you're already taken."

"No, I haven't heard the news. And what are you talking about, saying I'm taken?"

He gave me a knowing look that made me lean away slightly. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone about you and Nagato if you don't want me to. I didn't know she was your type, though. She's only an A- in my book."

Taniguchi, you idiot. "That wasn't what it looked like. She was helping me with my tie, that's all." Which was true.

"Whatever. The important thing is, Asakura-san has a new boyfriend!"

Suddenly, I felt like throwing up. Images of yesterday's events flashed through my mind again, as if they hadn't done so enough already. "I'll bet I know who it is."

"What? How would you know that?" Taniguchi gave me a narrow-eyed look of mistrust. "He just transferred into school today. What do you know?"

My feeling of nausea increased. Well, it was too late to pretend I didn't know and still avoid suspicion. Why not show Taniguchi up for once? "He has super-long blond hair, an extra 18 cm of height, and huge muscles all over his body, right?"

His expression told me all I needed to know.

"And he's in our classroom, too, I bet," I finished in a melancholy tone.

Taniguchi started to look at me like I was an alien from outer space. No, Taniguchi, but I could tell you about some people who are.

00000

I didn't want to go to class. Naturally, because I didn't want to die. But how would I explain to my parents why I was skipping school? And the teachers, too?

"I'm sorry, but the class president might decide to kill me just to see what would happen, and her boyfriend will probably hold me down for her. Can I attend Nagato-san's class instead?"

Even in my head, it sounded too crazy to believe. I tried to pep talk myself into walking into that classroom. What about going to protect Haruhi? She had no idea what was going on. Then again, if I understood Asakura correctly, she didn't want to hurt Haruhi in the first place. No, it was really just me in danger here. I could only pray that Asakura was sincere when she said she didn't want to kill me anymore. And if she changed her mind again, I should try to stay alive until Nagato arrived to save me. Geez, I hate to be so helpless, but what could I do with all these superhumans running around?

"Kyon, what are you doing! You're hovering in the hallways looking like a dead person. Wake up and get to class!"

Who else would say that? Haruhi's typical loud voice woke me from my nightmare of worries. The S.O.S. brigade leader had arrived on the scene. Regardless of my incoherent complaints, she grabbed me by the elbow and hauled me bodily to the classroom.

"You're as pale as a ghost. Seriously, Kyon, you've got to start exercising or you'll always be sickly. But that's not important. Have you heard of the mysterious new transfer student?"

She glanced over at me, her eyes burning with that familiar gleam. Heedless of my silence, she continued her monologue. I hadn't even said "Good morning" yet, but Haruhi didn't seem to care.

"We've got to investigate! Your orders are to talk to the new person and find out where he really comes from. Don't let anything slip past you!"

"What? Why don't you do it yourself?" I finally found words. This was the worst time for her to be passing responsibility off on me!

"I'm the S.O.S. brigade leader, I can't do everything myself! That's what I have underlings for. Besides, I need to interview Asakura and find out what she has to say for her new friend. I won't believe that our class president has started up a new relationship with a guy from out of the blue! Something very fishy is going on, and we're going to find out what. Because you lingered out here too long, you won't have much time to talk to him. Ah-hah!"

She burst into the classroom with a shout. Our classmates all paused and stared for a moment, but as usual Haruhi was oblivious to them. Still hauling me along like a little kid, she whispered to me so loudly that everybody could hear. "Here, I'll help you get started. That must be him right there."

Well, she guessed right. Mr. Swordwaving Blond Guy and Killer Death-Girl stood near the front, conferring over a piece of paper she held in front of him. Without further delay, Haruhi pushed me towards the two of them.

"Asakura-san! Good morning." My brown-haired captor beamed like the sun. "Who's this interesting new person you have with you? I'm sure Kyon would love to meet him. He's always so welcoming to new people, aren't you Kyon?"

I broke out in a cold sweat. Maybe three feet away stood the Living Humanoid Interface who had tried to off me less than twenty-four hours ago. Next to her stood a robot-in-a-human-body with a—hey, how did he get in here wearing that sword on his hip? Those dangerous things aren't allowed in school. The class president should at least do something about that!

"Umm, Kyon, are you feeling well?" Asakura peered into my face. "I hope you're not sick…"

Haruhi shrugged off this idea. "Oh, don't worry about him. He's just malnourished because he eats too much junk food."

Oh, so that's the story now? What are you, just making it up as you go along? No, the truth is I'm terrified I might die at any moment, standing near that girl. I promise I'm not a coward, but I do want to live to turn fifteen.

I realized I was standing there like a statue while Asakura-san, Megaman Zero, and Haruhi all stared at me. Haruhi cleared her throat.

"Well since you weren't listening, I'll say it again. Kyon, this is Inafune Cipher."

Clever false name. I may never know where he came up with the surname "Inafune," but I looked up his given name later. "Cipher" is just a synonym in English for "nothing," or in other words, "zero." See, I'm not a total pushover when it comes to brains.

I didn't really even register his name at that point, though. I mumbled, "Pleased to meet you," as though I hadn't already met him yesterday, and extended my hand to shake. He smiled and clasped my hand firmly.

"Nice to meet you, Kyon. I never did hear your full name."

I flashed back to the time he had declared his name yesterday, and asked everybody else's. I hadn't said anything then, had I? Boy, I hope that remark went over Haruhi's head.

And it did. "Oh, don't worry about that. 'Kyon' fits him just as well as anything. Everyone calls him that."

Zero gave her a funny look, and then shifted the look to me. Feeling drawn to do so, I told him my real name. He nodded.

"That's what I'll call you, then."

At this point Okabe-sensei walked in and called us to sit down for class, ending the conversation. Before we went back to our seats, though, Haruhi got in a last word.

"Kyon, you'll be sitting with the newcomer at lunch, to get to know him better, right?"

Her presumption really knew no bounds whatsoever. Oddly, though, I didn't feel so scared of Zero any more. After all, when he showed up he'd just tried to keep anyone from getting hurt. After that honest handshake and smile I started to wonder if I had misjudged him.

"Come now, to your chairs, everybody." Okabe-sensei looked around the room. "Haruhi, Kyon, you aren't the only ones who want to meet the newcomer. Please be seated so I can introduce him to everybody."

We sat down, and the teacher recounted the lame cover story he'd been fed. "I hope you'll all welcome Inafune Cipher to our class. He's a transfer student from Akafuja whose parents know our own Asakura-san's family, so she'll be helping him find his way around classes today. Now make him feel welcome at our school."

No comment on the sword or the too-long-for-regulations ponytail. Am I the only one who can see that this guy isn't normal?

00000

Looking back on everything that happened and how it all played out, I'm amazed I got through the day so calmly. My memories of the day before started to feel like a dream, like something that couldn't possibly have happened in reality. Then I would glance at the sword on Zero's hip, or bump into Asakura on the way out of class. Even though she had turned back into the exemplary class president, I still felt a chill whenever I looked her way or heard her speak. Attempted knifings are hard to forget.

Other than that, school continued as normal. Three boring hours of class time passed almost like any others. Okabe-sensei droned on as usual, and as usual the hot air crushed anyone's ability to think. I tried to focus on the lesson for the most part.

One thing kept distracting me. From my seat behind Haruhi I couldn't help but watch the new "couple" up in the front of the room. Seated next to Asakura, Zero constantly looked to her for help figuring out his work. Like a first-class older sister, she patiently helped him every time with a smile and a kind word. He smiled back at her a lot, looking like a lost puppy. I can see where some people got the idea that they had a relationship, but I started to get the feeling that it wasn't really a normal boy-girl thing.

Finally the lunch bell rang. Everybody got up to file out of the room; once again Zero looked around like he didn't know what to do. Taniguchi walked up beside me and chuckled in my ear.

"He's a hundred eighty pounds of muscle, but nothing in his head. That Inafune looks permanently lost, and Asakura-san gets together with him instead of any other guy in our school. There's definitely something wrong with a world where that can happen."

"You've really got no idea, Taniguchi."

"Huh? I don't?" He looked at me strangely, then looked back at Zero. "Oh, here he comes. Well, I'm headed for lunch. See ya later."

He took off. Before I knew it I was tilting my head back to look the newcomer in the face. I'm not short for my age, but this guy had a head over me. He addressed me by my full name before he spoke.

"We need to talk. Please show me where lunch is found."

Man, he had a weird way of speaking. But whatever, at least this way Haruhi won't get after me for dereliction of duty. Besides, despite myself, I was curious to know where this guy was coming from, in more ways than one.

Before long we sat down with our lunches at a table in the courtyard outside. He had a dark expression on his face before we even began.

"I slept in Asakura-san's apartment last night. She explained to me the situation with her and Nagato-san." He took a bite of his sandwich, chewed, and swallowed. "I arrived just in time. Even so, if Asakura-san hadn't backed down, those two would have killed each other. I don't think I'm powerful enough to stop them both at once."

"Stop them? How?" I remembered what Asakura had started doing before Zero appeared, and then how she reconstructed the classroom with no apparent effort. Then Nagato-san had burst in through the ceiling like it was paper. What kind of powers did this guy have, to think he stood a chance? "Does this have to do with why no one can see your sword but me?"

His hand went to the hilt of his sword. "Yes. I'm a fighting robot from another universe. A slider. I'm Megaman Zero."

After saying that so ominously, he stopped and took another bite of his sandwich. Fighting robot from another universe? What, do you think that statement explains anything?

Apparently Inafune failed to pick up on my confusion. When he looked up from his food, he changed the subject. "Your universe is too complicated. If I were a robot, things would be simple. It's much harder to protect anyone if I have to pretend to be a student here. At least the normal humans can't tell what I really am."

"Wait a second. So that's what you're here for? To protect people?" I sounded skeptical in my own ears.

"I think so. Every time I come to a new world, there are people in danger."

He looked past me, and I followed his glance over my shoulder. I saw Asakura-san eating lunch with a group of girls. For once in her life, Haruhi had actually joined the group. She had a fierce expression as she listened to the class president talk.

"When I arrive in a universe, there are always people to protect. Also, at least one person always dies. Usually more."

And I thought this conversation couldn't get any creepier. I pictured this long-haired blond in front of me, all made out of metal and covered in weapons, cutting people to the ground in universe after universe like our own. Sitting right there in front of him, looking at that face, it didn't seem so far-fetched.

His gaze turned back on me. Either what he said, or the way he said it, caught my attention like a hypnotist. "Did you know why she came after you? I asked her. Boredom. Once she got tired of watching Haruhi settle into school, Asakura-san decided to kill you so something interesting would happen. She told me herself, while we were walking home together. I've never met a girl like that outside a mental hospital."

I nodded seriously. I'd be happy if that girl checked into the nut farm and never checked out. Zero went on slowly, frowning. He certainly had a deliberate way of talking.

"Then she laughed, and told me how happy she was that I came to her school. She made me dinner when I was hungry and found pajamas and a bed for me when I needed to sleep. I haven't been in a human body for a long time," he added. "I didn't even remember why people had bathrooms. What kind of person is so willing to help with everything like she is?"

I didn't know how to answer this. If I hadn't personally seen Asakura Ryoko pull a knife on me and mess around with the laws of reality, I'd never believe she was anything but a perfectly caring, compassionate class president. No one can put on an act that good. Not any human, anyway.

But I knew better, now. Asakura Ryoko was no human. Her role as a class president was nothing more than a pretense to keep her close to Haruhi. Of that I was certain. After what she had said and tried to do, I couldn't believe she really cared about any human person. But what could I tell Zero? "She's trying to get you to her side for her own diabolical reasons?" But did I dare tell him such a thing?

Or maybe he already knew. I remember his grieving face when he looked at her and said "at least one person will die."

A solemn expression came to my face. "I think I understand. You're afraid that you'll have to…stop her again."

Zero didn't answer. He just stared over my shoulder, an unreadable expression on his face. It didn't take a rocket scientist to know who he was staring at.

"I'll do whatever's necessary."

I got the chills. Forget the wooden sword, and the long hair. Anyone in my shoes right then would know this person for a killer.

I can't help but wonder why everything fantastic and paranormal has to involve me like this. Nagato the alien, Koizumi the esper, Asahina-san the time traveller, and now Zero the slider. Why do all these strange people come to confide their dark secrets in me?

As if in answer, he looked me in the eye and called me by name. "Now you know the situation. Thank you for listening. You're unusually easy to talk to."

He nodded respectfully, and I mustered the words to thank him for his compliment. With that, Zero threw away the remains of his lunch and walked off. I guess I'm just unlucky enough to inspire confidence in all the wrong people.

00000

The rest of the day passed uneventfully until I reached S.O.S. headquarters. Before I arrived, Haruhi was already there, slurping down one of Asahina-san's perfect royal teas. As soon as I opened the door she started up on me.

"Aha! You're late! Fined!" She pointed her finger rudely at me and took another sip.

"Hey wait, I thought that was only on walkabouts in the city—"

"Don't worry about that. Everything is going according to plan!" Haruhi slammed her hand down on the table, rattling the pieces of Koizumi's Othello board. Wait, was he playing against himself? "Now that Kyon is here, we can begin for real. Report!"

I noticed that Koizumi and Asahina-san were looking at me. While Nagato-san pretended to be deeply engrossed in her book, I hadn't told either of these other two about the problem with Asakura or the new student. I hadn't really had time, even if I wanted to tell them. I simply let myself hope that Nagato-san knew to tell them what they needed to know, if they needed to know anything. I turned to Haruhi.

"All right, all right, what do you want to know?"

"Everything! Tell me what he said to you during lunch."

Oh, geez. Who knows what would happen if I really told her that whole story? I can't go around taking that kind of risk. Who knows what this girl might do?

But wait. Were there parts of the story I could tell her? Maybe…modify the truth a little? How could it hurt?

…no, that's not a good question. More like, does modifying the truth cause less damage than my other options? Yes. Probably. Let's find out.

"Well, it's a little complicated. You see, Asakura Ryoko's parents are in hiding. They thought she was safe here, but—"

"Safe from whom?" Haruhi had an eager look on her face.

I rolled my eyes as if to say, "who else?" I was quite proud of my accomplishment, coming up with this story. "Another branch of the mafia. Anyway, her parents thought Asakura-san was safe here, but it's different now. Someone made a move, and now they sent Inafune here to guard her."

Koizumi lifted his eyebrows at me and our cute maid Asahina-san let her eyes get wide. Wait, she didn't really believe any of this crap, did she? I'm pretty sure Koizumi didn't, anyway.

"Oh? So that's the story he told you," Haruhi calmly replied, that fervent gleam in her eyes again. Did she believe it?

Suddenly the brunette exploded into motion, slamming her fist down on the table. "Well that's not what Asakura-san told me! Their stories don't match up. There's something fishy going on here, and I intend to find out what."

What? Mafia wars wouldn't be fishy enough for Asakura to lie about? Only Haruhi could suspect an even crazier explanation than the one I came up with! I spent good time thinking that up. (To tell you the truth, I'd had that whole mental debate about lying to Haruhi much earlier.) Out of frustration, I blurted out a statement that never should have seen the light of day. "The problem is…he's falling in love with her."

Asahina-san sighed, a wistful expression on her face. Koizumi remained as impassively smiling as ever, and took a sip of tea. Haruhi snorted.

"Duh. That part was obvious."

Huh. So she already thought that way. Nevertheless, I suddenly felt sick. I felt like had breached Zero's confidence, even if he "falling in love" didn't really describe his feelings for that alien. I wanted to keep his private feeling from turning into public knowledge. "Listen, none of this can leave this room, okay? If he ever found out I told you guys…"

"Pshh, don't go around worrying about his feelings! He's an alien from another universe, or an imposter from Mars, and Asakura-san might be in danger. We have to find out what's really going on no matter what, Kyon!"

More like, all of us are in danger just by sharing a classroom with that scary girl. Geez, does Haruhi ever stop shouting when she's excited? And what does she expect us to do to find out the "real truth?"

Oh no. Suddenly I got a sinking feeling in my stomach. Haruhi smiled and posed herself in imitation of a master detective preparing to administer the final verdict on a case.

"That's right, everybody. We have to act fast for this one. We're going to Asakura-san's house tonight to investigate, no matter what that Inafune Cipher tries to do!"

She held her triumphant pose as if waiting for the media to take pictures. Koizumi and Asahina-san broke into a scattered applause. Now definitely isn't the time for that!


	3. The Investigation of Megaman Zero

**Chapter 3: The Investigation of Megaman Zero**

This next part of the story doesn't make sense from my perspective alone. Zero told me everything the next day, but I'll give it to you here, in chronological order with everything else. It's too much bother to repeat everything he says in conversation form.

00000

We walked away from the high school shoulder to shoulder, like the day before. Our sky stretched out pure and blue from one horizon to the next: perfect weather. I breathed in the pure mountain air and sighed.

"Well, how did you enjoy school today, Zero-kun?"

I shrugged. "It wasn't too bad. With your help."

"You're very welcome," Asakura replied, beaming. "It's enjoyable to teach you the ways of this universe. You pick them up quickly."

"You really think? I feel so slow. I hate being a burden."

The LHI laughed at this. "No, don't be silly. I never thought of you that way. I've often wondered about how a mother feels when she raises her children. Now I know a little bit more."

Looking down at her, I had to smile. "You're perfect as a mother, Asakura-san. I've never met anyone so nurturing in my lifetime."

She laughed again. "You mean, in all your twenty-four hours of existence in our universe, or in other universes as well?"

I looked away from her, to the path in front of us. I felt as much as saw her look up at me. "What's wrong?"

My wooden saber rattled slightly in its sheath. Soft fingers of a gentle breeze blew through my ponytail. I remained silent.

"Zero-kun…I don't understand why you won't tell me more about yourself. I told you everything there is to know about me. Don't you trust me at all?"

I still didn't reply. After waiting another few moments, Asakura stopped where she stood on the path. "Zero-kun. Please look at me."

I stopped, head back, arms by my sides. Slowly I pivoted to look at her. A few dozen meters behind her, a few girls were strolling down the hill like us. They began to stare at the two of us, standing there like a pair of statues. I turned my focus away from them, to Asakura. She folded her arms and gave me a hurt look.

"I can't be content like this. I've told you more about me than I've told to anyone in this world, but I don't even know the name of the place you came from. I can't read your data directly; I won't ever know anything if you won't open up and talk to me. What more can I do to help you trust me?"

I lowered my gaze. "I'm sorry. It's not that simple."

"Why not? What's wrong?"

I paused, but the other girls were coming closer. They didn't need to hear this. "Come with me. I promise I'll explain this time."

After a moment scrutinizing my expression, Asakura came to walk by my side once more. She wouldn't take her azure-eyed gaze off of me, and even took my hand as if to keep me from getting away. Under the pressure of those eyes, I gave her the best version I know of my history.

"I can't remember where I came from, Asakura-san."

"You can't?"  
"No."

She cocked her head to the side. Already swaying with the rhythm of her stride, the LHI's perfect blue hair brushed against my arm. "I'm sorry to hear that. Do you remember anything about previous universes?"

I shrugged, turning my eyes to the path. "Every time I slide, my memories of the previous universes blur a little more. I recall the most recent ones the most clearly. I don't recall anything from when I began sliding."

"Nothing at all?"  
I made a noise low in my throat. "Nothing. X used to help. Not anymore."

"X?"

"My old partner. We were sliders together for as far back as I can remember. Until two…three?...a few slides ago. We were…separated."

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying not to see it all over again in my memories. "We helped each other remember. We were a team. Now that's all over. I'll never find him again."

Asakura squeezed my hand. "It hurts you that much, losing a friend?"

"We were more than friends. Brothers, or as close as robots can get to that."

"What are you going to do without him?"

I shook my head. My free hand turned into a fist. "Forget who I am, piece by piece, until there's nothing left anymore. ****, I don't know what I'm going to do, Ryoko. Frag it all."

She just walked beside me in silence for a moment. My angry words gathered around us like dark, loathsome clouds. Softly, the girl touched her head to my shoulder. Her gentle words blew apart the clouds like a warm spring breeze.

"It makes me happy when you call me Ryoko."

I looked at her with wide eyes, recounting the last few seconds in my head. She asked another question, quieter than those before.

"If you know you'll keep losing more and more of who you are, why ever do you keep sliding?"

Feelings stirred inside me, like cords strung taut from piercings in the heart muscle. Pain, blood, and honor rolled into one swelling feeling of hurt. "I have people to protect. When I slide into a universe to protect people, someone always dies. Every time. Megaman X used to hate that part more than anything.

"If I'm involved in a person's death, I slide. I can't choose to stay. I often don't see the person die unless I kill him or her instantly."

"Are you sure that your own presence does not incite the attacks that come to those you protect in any given universe?"

I stared off into the distance for a moment. The treetops waved slightly in the breeze. I smelled flowers, and fresh-cut grass, and barbeque smoke. Images of past universes flashed in front of my eyes: more violence, distress, and suffering came with each and every slide. It never, ever ended. "No. I'm not sure."

"Can you choose to slide even if no one has died?"

"No. Or at least I don't know how. I don't even remember how this started. If I did, I might have more control over what I do."

We walked in silence for a little while. Our destination approached. Without warning, Ryoko laughed. "Well, I guess my job is simple, then."

I looked down at her. She smiled with that unbelievable innocence of hers.

"I just have to keep anyone from dying near you, and you can stay here for as long as we want. It's perfect!"

She giggled and laughed again. My face burning, I laughed with her. Have you ever met a person who can laugh like that? It burns away the dark until there's nothing left but light. I never wanted her to go. When she finally stopped giggling, her voice gushed over with excitement.

"Zero-kun, I need you to help me with one more thing."

"I'm ready."

"What do you do to work out?"

00000

Despite my best intentions, I found myself with the rest of the S.O.S. brigade that evening, headed towards Asakura's residence.

Of course I didn't want to go! Knowing everything I knew, I looked at intruding on the blue-haired fiend like bobbing for apples in a piranha tank. Why do it? Even if she had decided to give up on killing me for now—and I still felt confused about that—I predicted all kinds of problems with Haruhi sticking her nose into Asakura's home life.

For instance, what would Asakura do if Zero came out and spilled her story? Or what if Haruhi decided tell everyone about their living together without any parents or anyone to watch them? I had to assume Asakura lived alone like Nagato-san, since they were both "Living Humanoid Interfaces." Zero probably didn't realize it, but his staying at Asakura's apartment sounded like the exposition of a really smutty anime. Haruhi wouldn't stand for that for a second—or so I hoped. After all, I've seen her use blackmail against the innocent before now.

Given the dangers, and the S.O.S. brigade's involvement, I had more than just my own life to think about. Bringing all five of us meant putting Asahina-san in danger as well. Koizumi could worry about himself as far as I cared, and Haruhi was probably invincible to harm through sheer force of will, but if a fight broke out only Nagato had the power to protect us. If the worst happened and she and Zero failed, I'd have to give my life for Asahina to escape. Maybe that sounds brave and noble on paper, but this is the real thing!

I tried to take Nagato aside to talk about this, but Haruhi prevented any such attempts by keeping her locked in a one-way conversation as we made our way to Asakura's apartment. I desperately needed allies to help convince her out of this insanity, but I didn't want to burden Asahina with the knowledge of the true dangers of our destination. Therefore, I took the last resort and nudged Koizumi.

The self-proclaimed esper, whose powers I had yet to see, smiled gracefully and dropped back to the rear of the group with me. "Is something bothering you, Kyon?"

I told him about the events from earlier that day as quickly and concisely as I could. He opened his eyes with surprise once or twice, but otherwise seemed unfazed. When I had finished, he nodded and responded with his unbelievable composure.

"That's quite a story. It would seem Suzumiya-san has nearly succeeded in bringing the sixth member of the S.O.S. Brigade into the fold." He put his hand to his chin. "I thought she had finished gathering supernatural members when she acquired Asahina-san, Nagato-san, and I. Now we have reason to believe that she hadn't."

My face wrinkled like I had bitten into a raw turnip. Haruhi again?

"Remember, Suzumiya-san wanted to find and interact with aliens, espers, time travelers, and sliders, correct? Nagato-san, myself, and Asahina-san fulfill the first three positions, and now a new stranger has appeared wearing a high school student's body and our high school uniform. From what you tell me about this Megaman Zero, I'd say he's been created to fill the last position. He's the sixth member."  
What the heck? Koizumi makes as little sense as ever with his dang theories. Doesn't he realize the seriousness of the situation? Whether Haruhi created Zero or not, we're in a lot of trouble here!

Haruhi picked this moment to interrupt. "Hey! You two loafers stop slowing us down and come to the front!"

"Yes, Suzumiya-san," replied her willing slave and worshipper. I followed him, fearing retribution. Why am I cursed with such a weak spine?

In any case, we soon arrived at what Haruhi declared to be Asakura's apartment complex. Wait, this is where Nagato lives as well!

I glanced at the back of the 'living humanoid interface's' head. She showed no recognition on sight of the building, but she never shows much emotion anyway. The back of her head certainly wasn't going to tell me anything.

As we neared the entrance to the building, Nagato gave Haruhi something small and stiff. An entry card. Our brigade leader swiped it by the sensor, and we were in. How did she even know where Asakura lives? Nagato had to be the one to tell her, but why had she helped Haruhi put us all in danger?

All too quickly, we ascended in the elevator to the fifth floor and arrived at Asakura's apartment. I started to panic in earnest. Coming here is pure foolhardiness! If I told Haruhi the truth even now, though, she'd insist on investigating even more, or not believe me at all.

Maybe, just maybe it would turn out all right. Maybe Asakura would kill Koizumi first, and we could then run away without Haruhi killing us for cowardice.

I sighed as she knocked on the door. It was too much to expect. I wished I'd written a last will and testament before I came here. Would there be enough of me left to identify the body, or would I simply go missing and never return?

"Asahina-san, stay behind me," I muttered in my petite goddess' ear, too low for Haruhi in front of us to hear.

"Eh?" She looked back at me with wide, scared eyes. Darn it, she was too beautiful to die so young!

I did something unusually bold then. I pushed Asahina-san's slight, but inspiringly attractive frame behind me. She had dressed well for the occasion, I noticed. One notices the fine details right before death.

Relax, relax, relax. They're not answering the door. Maybe we'll still get away from this—

"Asakura, we're coming in!" Haruhi shouted and barged through the door with careless abandon. Well, I thought, there goes our last chance for survival.

For once, however, our leader's audacity met with successful resistance. Haruhi thumped straight into the big, forbidding figure of Inafune Cipher.

Asahina screamed. I nearly threw up. Bloodstains covered the blond's torso and made garish red-brown mats in his long golden hair, like ochre paint drying on its brush. Half his school uniform had been torn off, and the rest of it hung around his freshly wounded body in shredded ribbons. Other than breathing a little hard, Zero looked down at us with perfect calm. His gaze travelled from Haruhi to Koizumi and Nagato to me. "Hello."

We all stood speechless. Even Haruhi simply stared at the gruesome spectacle for a second. Zero stood and stared back with blood seeping slowly from his wounds. After a moment he smiled and opened the door further to let us inside.

"Ryoko is making dinner. Are any of you hungry?"

Certainly not after seeing you like that! Asahina trembled and clung to my back, but I was unable to appreciate her closeness under the circumstances. With her entire brigade behind her, Haruhi finally regained enough nerve to speak.

"Hey you! How dare you stand there like that, bleeding all over the floor!" She poked a finger at Zero's chest. "Have you no concern for Asakura-san's feelings? She'll probably have to stay up all night cleaning thanks to you!"

No matter what, Haruhi finds a way. Zero's expression fell. "Really? I didn't want to cause her trouble. Why didn't she tell me?"

"Never mind that. What were you doing to get yourself hurt that badly? I bet you've been out on a mission for your alien headquarters and now you're forcing our class president to care for you! She's not your personal nurse, you know!"

I strongly suspected Asakura Ryoko of more sinister involvement than nursing Zero's wounds. What had those two been doing before we arrived at the door? Then again, I really didn't want to find out any more. "Haruhi, you're yelling at a badly injured man. Calm down and let's not disturb him any more."

"Nonsense. He's clearly well enough to stand up and walk around, or he wouldn't have answered the door. We need to go in there and make sure that Asakura-san is all right!" Haruhi whirled and glared back at me. "Or are you too chicken to get involved? Now come on!"

She dashed violently inside as if Inafune were trying to hold her back. He simply stepped aside to let her through. Unconscious of the rest of us, he put a hand to one of the jagged cuts across his chest. Blood from the wound covered his hand. He looked down and saw where it had dripped on the floor. "**** it. How do you clean up stains like this?"

He turned away from the door and looked around the front room. It was an absolute, unmitigated disaster zone. Even from where we stood I spotted several splotches of red drying to brown. Other signs of violence covered the room, including broken exercise equipment, torn up rugs, slash marks on every surface, and even a few bullet holes in the wall. Zero scratched his head, looking a little embarrassed. "Maybe I got a bit carried away in training."

From inside the spacious apartment I heard Haruhi's shouts die down. Asakura's gentle voice came from the kitchen, along with a delicious smell and other noises of dishes. Zero looked from the kitchen to us and shrugged.

"Are you hungry?" His tone made it an honestly curious question, not an expression of annoyance. "I'm sure Ryoko-san can make enough for everyone."

Koizumi immediately stepped forward. "Well, if that's the case, I guess we might as well come in."

He didn't bother to look back. That left only me, Asahina, and Nagato on the doorstep.

"…"

Make that only me and Asahina. Nagato walked in without a word. Zero watched her go, then looked to me with a worried frown. "Is something wrong? Why is that girl hiding behind you?"

Is he really that naïve? "Inafune, you look like you just walked out of an R-rated war movie. Asahina-san is probably afraid of blood in the first place."

She slowly peeked out from behind me and spoke in a trembling voice. "No, I'll be all right. Kyon, we need to go in there with Suzumiya-san…"

She didn't sound at all sincere. A downcast expression came to Zero's face. "I'm sorry. I'm a scary person after all."

He turned and walked off, leaving the door open for us. What do we do now?

"Hey, you two! Get in here already!" Haruhi's voice snapped from inside. As if hearing a whip crack, Asahina flinched and tremulously stepped inside. Swallowing hard, I followed her into the room. Like flies crawling into a brown recluse's web, we crept slowly into the house of Asakura Ryoko.

00000

In the bathroom, I looked at my new cuts as they began to heal in earnest. Tens of millions of nanobots hidden in my body's surface went to work repairing the damaged skin, muscle and other tissue. The bleeding finally stopped, and I breathed easy again.

For several minutes I stood immobile, wondering at the new feelings from the activity of the nanobots. Sensations like electric twangs crossed from end to end of my hurting chest, coordinating the efforts of the tiny defenders. I immersed myself in the strangely synthetic emotion.

Without warning, memories surged to life from inside my brain. I remembered again the feelings of a metal frame, pumping high-powered pistons back and forth to release my fury and destroy my enemies. Current surged through my veins, arteries charged with tormented power. Fire and death given form. Warrior to the core.

Robots have feelings. Fewer and less frequently felt than a human's, but far stronger. They so easily overwhelmed my human senses.

Ryoko appeared at the door to the bathroom, holding a new suit of clothing on a hanger. "Are you all right?"

The sight of her brought me back to myself. Refocusing on the bloodied organic form in the mirror, I shook my head. My frail near-human heart raced with adrenaline and my wasteful mortal muscles trembled with nervous strain. I felt so weak, suffering such side effects from mere memories.

"I'm sorry. I thought I'd heal faster than this. I made a mess all over the training room." I glanced at Ryoko's face in the mirror, then back to the wounds which had scabbed over. Flexible gray striations appeared throughout the clotted blood: chains of nanobots, dozens of machines thick and tens of thousands long. I felt a sudden craving for red meat and weapons-grade aircraft parts.

My friend hung the clothes on the towel bar. "Don't worry about that, Zero-kun. I'm sure it won't take me long to clean up. I shouldn't have made the training automatons so hard on you." She walked up behind me and ran gentle fingers across the ragged edges of a particularly large wound across my abdominal muscles. Pain fanned out from where she touched. Sensing my muscles tighten, Ryoko's expression matched her downcast tone. "What if I had hurt you badly? Your body is so fragile, almost like a human's."

"Don't worry. I'll recover from most wounds so long as my nanobot repair systems still operate. I'm made with human materials here, but not entirely."

Her tone completely brightened. "Yes, I can see that. It looks like there are almost four and a half million nanometer-sized machines on the surface of your wounds alone. I think it's fascinating how quickly they operate to reform the damaged tissue." She looked up at my angular face in the mirror and smiled. "Will your body be able to process the necessary materials to produce more nanomachines?"

"Yes. I'm hungry for iron. And titanium, and other things. Phosphorus. Do you have any spare uranium? High-enriched?"

Ryoko laughed. "You're an adorable problem to work with, Zero-kun. Is there anything else I can get you?"

I blinked. Her laugh touched me with that pleasant burning again, but I felt…less. In the shadow of my robotic flashback, nothing mortal seemed nearly so intense. I answered the LHI in low tones.

"No. Is it all right that I brought those guests in?"

She laughed again. While she spoke, she took a clean cloth from the bathroom cupboard and wetted it down in the sink. "Of course it's fine. I should thank you for greeting them at the door while I took care of the machines. Now, I need to remind you, it's important to me that Suzumiya-san continue to believe we're normal humans for now. So to explain all the mess everywhere, we'll give them a cover story."

The girl-shaped LHI gently started cleaning the excess blood off my skin. "You're preparing to join the school's film club and present them with a new idea for a student-produced screenplay. It's a horror story about a terrorist attack on the school, and you were dressed as one of the victims. With my permission, you redecorated my front room to make it the set for a trailer to show to the club. All that drying red substance is just fake blood you used to make it look more realistic."

"Oh. Okay." I turned to look at my much cleaner back in the mirror. Ryoko rinsed off the cloth, turning the sink reddish with the tinted water. I took the opportunity to tear off the remainders of my shirt and tie, exposing more of the scars that needed washing.

"Thank you." She beamed at me. Her cloth relatively clean again, the young woman started to wipe off the last of the bloodstains on my upper body. Even without using her data manipulation abilities, she worked quickly. "Almost done."

At this point I heard footsteps coming down the hall outside the bathroom. I met Asakura's eyes in the mirror and opened my mouth to alert her, but she winked at me and put a finger across her lips for silence. I shut up and reached for the clothes on the towel rack instead.

00000

"Kyon-kun…what's really going on here?"

Asahina looked to me with timid eyes as she finished cutting the chicken for the oyakodon. After getting out the materials, Asakura had put us all to work preparing supper. Then she had left to check on Zero. Shortly after that, Haruhi had dragged Nagato off with her to spy on the two of them. Myself, Koizumi, and Asahina-san remained to finish preparing the oyakodon, a rice dish with egg and chicken.

Hearing the little beauty's question, I sighed. She must have overheard a little of my conversation with Koizumi, and so thought I had the answers for her. Maybe I did, partly, but the story seemed too sordid for her tender ears.

"Are you sure you want to know?" I stirred the soup as it simmered.

"Y-yes. Yes, I'm certain I do." Asahina gave me a determined look.

"We're in Asakura Ryoko's house, and she's not a human. Like Nagato-san, she's sent to represent some kind of big alien entity that we've never seen."

She nodded with no real change in expression. I hadn't told her anything new yet. Taking a deep breath, I continued telling a story I could barely believe. "Inafune Cipher is also not a real human being. He's Megaman Zero, a slider, a traveller from another universe. He's a deadly fighter. When he arrived in this universe he stopped Asakura-san from murdering me."

Her eyes widened and she put a hand to her mouth. Darn it, she's too beautiful, even when she's scared! I felt horrible, causing her terror when a person like her deserves security and peace. Knowing how I felt, I hope you won't judge me too harshly for what I did next. In a reassuring tone I went on, "I'm not sure why he really arrived here, but he thinks it's his job to protect people. As a result, right now Megaman-san is staying close to Asakura to prevent her from hurting anyone."

My conscience already burned, and I had barely started lying yet. I tried to justify myself. Maybe protecting us wasn't his real reason for staying close to that fiend, but he said he'd do anything necessary, right?

I pushed on, firmly reminding myself that Asahina's peace of mind lay at stake. "In fact, Nagato and Zero are together on wanting to keep Asakura from hurting anyone. If she gives us any more trouble, they'll finish her off for good."

Asahina shivered, but looked me more firmly in the eyes. "When did you learn all this?"

"During that initial confrontation, where Megaman-san saved my life." A bald-faced lie. With Zero's fake origin story earlier today and this crap right now, I was getting way too much practice at deception.

"Hmmm." She frowned, but at least the fear had left her beautiful brown eyes. I felt like a scumbag for bending the truth this far. However, I argued in my head, my intentions were pure. Worrying Asahina-san wouldn't really have accomplished anything. I had done a good deed here.

"Thank you, Kyon-kun. It's much better to know what's going on, after all."Asahina took the onions I'd been chopping and added them to the pan with the chicken. When she spoke, her voice still seemed troubled. "But why was Inafune-san was so badly injured when we arrived? Did she hurt him?"

I simply didn't know what to say to that. Asakura's explanation about Zero making a screenplay was obviously bogus, but I had no better explanation to give. At any rate, I decided not to make up any more answers.

"I don't know. Maybe we'll find out later tonight, or tomorrow. Megaman-san will talk freely in front of me, but probably not in front of Haruhi."

"Suzumiya-san, please tell me you won't go spreading scandalous rumors. I don't want Cipher-kun to have a bad experience at this school." Asakura's voice floated around the corner, coming closer with the sound of footsteps. "He's really a tender person inside."

"I can't guarantee anything of the sort! If the Truth hurts that bully, then so be it. I won't subvert the Truth for him." Haruhi sounded defiant. When did you get so concerned with the Truth?

"Then please, think of me. I'm trying to help the class as president, but if dirty gossip gets around…" Asakura left the obvious last part unsaid, her voice sounding touched with fear. As if you really care about your image!

"Why of course we wouldn't let that happen! Protecting the innocent is part of the S.O.S. brigade club charter. Don't worry, your secret is safe with us, provided nothing happens to our association."

By her tacking that one phrase on the end, Haruhi's statement went from a noble declaration to an open threat. The nerve of this girl, trying to coerce a dangerous alien into protecting the S.O.S. brigade! But I guess she only knows Asakura as the "perfect class president," doesn't she?

"That sounds almost like blackmail." Asakura's voice took on a mixture of sadness, confusion, and a tiny hint of anger. Was it a pretense or real? I had no way of knowing.

"No, of course not. We'd never descend to anything so brutal. If everything goes well for us, than there's no reason for the innocent to fear."

Haruhi rounded the corner with this contradictory statement, followed closely by Asakura and Nagato. From the sound of it, their conversation had mostly centered on Zero's residence here at Asakura's apartment. What an unseemly subject for Haruhi to dwell on. How had those two deflected her lust for the supernatural?

"All right, are you guys done making dinner yet? No? What have you been up to this whole time?"

Koizumi turned and smiled, speaking for the first time in a few minutes. "We're almost done, Suzumiya-san. Don't worry."

He put the last of the dishware on the table as he spoke. Haruhi nodded.

"Well, you've done a good job. But what about these two?"

Sheesh, she seriously gets on my back about everything. I sighed, feeling drained of energy after everything that had happened. "Just wait a minute, will you? My stomach is grumbling too."

"I'm sorry I wasn't better prepared to have all of you over." Asakura bowed, unnecessarily in my opinion. "Please forgive me."

"You're forgiven." Haruhi gave this magnanimous declaration and folded her arms. "We may as well go sit down while these guys finish the preparation."

Mercifully, Haruhi promptly acted on her own suggestion. Asakura went with her, while Nagato came over to stare into the pot. I poured the finished soup over the top of the rice while she watched.

"…"

After inspecting the nearly completed oyakodon, she looked up at me and nodded a bare centimeter up and down. Putting a lid on the dish, I glanced over to Asakura and interpreted Nagato's meaning: the food is safe, despite being prepared here in the enemy's house.

Her face as wooden as always, the glasses-wearing girl went and sat down at the table. I felt a sudden urge to take off those glasses to show off her cute face a little better. Does she really need glasses with the powers she has, or is it just part of her disguise as a bookworm? Either way, I kind of wanted to see what she looked like without them.

Gah! Now isn't the time to be having such thoughts! Sensing that the food had finished cooking, I turned off the burner and picked up the pot by the heat proofed handles. "Dinner is served."

Even as I pivoted to take the oyakodon to the table, though, a big form appeared out of nowhere and took it out of my hands. He didn't even bother to take it by the handles, but held it by the hot metal sides.

Megaman Zero took off the lid and stared into the depths of the pot, sniffing hungrily. His expression soured.

"No red meat." He handed it back to me and headed for the fridge. "Need steak."

Everyone else had already sat down. We stared at him for a moment, digging through the refrigerator while the rest of us were waiting at the table. He seemed oblivious to our stares until Asakura spoke.

"Oh, Cipher-kun, please come sit down and eat with us. I'll prepare you more filling foods after we're done, okay?"

He looked up at her and the rest of us, staring at him. "Oh. Okay."

Obediently, the blond came over and sat down next to Asakura. Haruhi made a derogatory comment in what she must have thought was a whisper.

"Man, how rude. He really is a bully."

No one responded to this comment. I set down the oyakodon on the low kitchen table, feeling like heaving a huge nervous sigh. The most dangerous people I knew were all sitting down at the same table, waiting for dinner. My heart pumped like a hummingbird's wings.

"It smells delicious." Koizumi took this moment to make a pleasant comment, and smiled his movie star smile. He sat with Haruhi on one side and Asahina on the other. "Asakura-san chose perfect ingredients."

"Oh, thank you. I'm sure there's enough for everyone, so dig in." The blue-haired alien fiend forced a smile and started serving those seated next to her. Zero sat on her right side, across from Koizumi, while Nagato had the head of the table. I took my seat next to Zero, by the foot of the table and across from Haruhi. Darn it, this setup left delicate Asahina-san sitting right across from Asakura!

My beautiful time traveller hesitantly accepted her bowl, now full of food, back from our hostess. She gave me a timidly questioning look. After the tiniest second, I gave her the same nod Nagato had given to me. Now if we all fell dead from poisoning, I'd feel even worse. No, I can't give in to such pessimistic thoughts all the time!

In fact, once I had taken a few bites of the oyakodon, I felt better. Nagato worked mechanically at her food while Zero and Haruhi both wolfed theirs. Don't either of those people even chew? The rest of us ate like normal humans.

Eventually I relaxed enough to think more clearly about the situation. My eyes went from person to person, trying to work out their individual motives.

First – Nagato Yuki and Asakura Ryoko. As Living Humanoid Interfaces, they both wanted to study Haruhi for as long as it took to find out the key to her abilities. Until that happened, neither of them wanted Haruhi to learn the truth behind her situation; if she did, they risked losing the Integrated Data Sentient Entity's last chance for evolution. So long as both she and Asakura still acted with their creator's interests in mind, neither girl would use her powers in Haruhi's sight. See, I remembered a little of what Nagato had told me that evening in her apartment.

Nagato seemed willing to wait around and take her time figuring Haruhi out. Certainly, she acted upset when she arrived on the scene and found Asakura ready to kill me off. I felt I could rely on her to keep us all safe if her "backup" got bored again.

Second – Megaman Zero, a.k.a. Inafune Cipher. Remembering his conversation with me yesterday still gave me chills. He obviously cared about Asakura, but I fully believed his programming made him crazy enough to cut her down if she started a fight. Whether he had the power to win such a battle remained to be seen.

One more thing about Zero. I didn't yet understand why, but as soon as he appeared Asakura's desire to kill me had apparently evaporated. Had his arrival in this universe satisfied her boredom?

Third – Suzumiya Haruhi. Why did she keep looking at Inafune that way? Asakura's cover story (which I'll actually admit was a work of genius) had silenced her for the moment, but from one look at Haruhi's face my palms started to sweat. I know that horrible gleam in her eye. Maybe she could fool everyone else, but I didn't believe for a second that she had given up on digging for Zero's real identity.

"Kyon…" she spoke the nickname as though deep in thought. I came out of my thoughts to answer her.

"Yes?"

"How many members does for a club need to qualify as an 'association' at our high school?"

I eyed her warily, waiting for the other shoe to fall. "Just five."

"What if one member defects, or dies off?"

"Why do you want to know about that absurd possibility?"

"We'd be thrown out as an association, wouldn't we?"

"I suppose so…" it all became clear, suddenly. Haruhi grinned like a barbarian conqueror.

"Asakura-san!" She lifted her fist into the air. "In order to ensure the safety of the S.O.S. Brigade, we require your boyfriend Inafune Cipher as a full and devoted member!"

Asahina looked wide-eyed from Haruhi to Inafune. Nagato stopped in mid-forkful and stared at Asakura like a manikin. The blue-haired monster grabbed Zero's sleeve, her face a perfect picture of grief. Koizumi merely smiled and nodded.

"As expected from Suzumiya-san."

I nearly collapsed into my bowl. No! Haruhi, don't you have any idea what you're doing!

Zero looked up from his nearly empty dish. "Wait. What?"


	4. The Destruction of Inafune Cipher Part I

**Chapter Four: The Destruction of Inafune Cipher, Part I**

I walked away from Asakura's apartment shaking my head. She and her "boyfriend" stood at the door, waving us goodbye with gloomy expressions. Haruhi strutted down the apartment complex hallway like a champion gladiator coming home from the kill. Asahina still seemed dazed, and Koizumi merely listened with his never-ending smile to our brigade leader's happy monologue.

"Haha, we'll find out soon enough whether that Inafune Cipher has any powers. And even if he doesn't, now we have a little muscle on our side. No one can stop the S.O.S. Brigade!"

The elevator reached our floor, and let out a tired businessman probably coming home from work. Our group got in and Nagato pressed the button for the seventh floor. After all, as I remembered from my visit to her apartment, Nagato lived in room 708 of this same apartment complex.

When the elevator started moving upwards, Haruhi looked at the girl who had pressed the button. I expected her to ask, "Nagato, what are you doing?" but instead she looked my direction as if expecting me to speak.

"…What are you staring at?" I asked after a moment or two.

"Don't you wonder why we're going farther up into the building?"

"No."

Haruhi opened her mouth to interrogate me further when Nagato, of all people, interrupted.

"Remember that book?" The four-eyed girl gave me a piercing look.

"Uh, which book was that?"

"I lent it to you."

"Oh, yeah. I remember that." My thoughts turned back to the sci-fi book she had lent me, the invitation inside, and the subsequent meeting in Nagato's apartment.

"You should read it again."

I opened my mouth to ask why, but shut it again before I attracted flies. Looking into Nagato's darkly colored eyes, I took a guess at her meaning.

"You got it." I nodded to her.

Without another glance my way, Nagato walked through the elevator door as it opened. We had already climbed the two floors between Asakura's apartment and Nagato's. I watched her retreating back, pondering deeply.

Haruhi pushed the button to go down and gave me a strange look. Once the elevator reached ground floor, we walked out the front door of the apartment complex. Our brigade leader made an emphatic gesture and gave us this declaration:

"You've all performed very well, now go off to your homes! You can't keep your parents waiting all night!"

The tyrant marched off to fulfill her own command. I pretended to amble on homewards for a while, but split off the path at the first opportunity. Unnoticed by Haruhi who had gone a different direction, I headed back to the apartment complex.

On my lonesome walk back the building, a jumble of thoughts entered my head. Had I guessed correctly? And if so, why did Nagato want to talk to me again? If not, what did she mean by that cryptic statement she made in the elevator? You see my dilemma. Better to find out now, when I had finally overcome my paralyzing fear of Asakura. Who knew if I would be this brave tomorrow?

As I neared the building, I strained my eyes to see. Yep, sure enough, that was her slim form by the entrance. My remaining fear melted away.

"Nagato-san." I picked up the pace as I came up towards her. I tried to think of a clever statement about how I had decrypted her invitation, but that wooden expression of hers choked off my enthusiasm. She stood there, unmoving, except to turn her head to watch me.

"You returned."

I nodded. "You asked me to."

Nagato watched me a second longer and nodded once. Even with the outside lights of the building I could barely detect the motion.

We proceeded up to her apartment. Silence reigned unopposed for the moment, as I wondered what in the world Nagato had in mind. Another weird session where she explained more about herself? Honestly, I don't think I would mind such a discussion if she kept her word length to a reasonable size. I still wondered a little about her and Asakura's motives.

When we finally reached apartment 708, Nagato opened the door and stood aside to let me in.

"Enter."

Just like the first time, I felt a little spooked. Notwithstanding my unease, however, I came in and took off my shoes. Nagato guided me in and sat me down in front of a pot of tea. So far, almost a carbon copy of my first visit to her place.

She served me tea immediately this time and watched me drink. Long before finishing the cup, I stopped and asked the fateful question.

"Nagato-san. What did you mean by calling me here today?"

I transferred my gaze from the teacup to the girl. She had on the same serious face as when she had asked me to believe her about being an alien.

"It's about Asakura Ryoko."

Well, not Haruhi for once. That's a nice change of pace. Wait, what does Nagato have to say about that dangerous alien?

"I'm sorry that I allowed her to get out of control. I'm responsible for her actions as my backup unit." Moving like a mechanical puppet, she took a tiny sip of her tea.

Is that all you brought me here for, an apology? That thought crossed my mind. Nevertheless, I mumbled my thanks to her. Without acknowledging my speech, the strange girl proceeded to repeat her standard disclaimer.

"I need to impart more information to you, even though human speech is insufficient to explain the situation fully. Please pay attention to my words.

"The Living Humanoid Interface known as Asakura Ryoko has developed serious errors in her processing and function."

You're telling me. After all, she'd tried to kill me just yesterday.

"Her attempt at murder did not result from an error in her processing, nor from a deviation from her programming." Nagato uttered this comment in her usual flat tone. "From the beginning, Asakura Ryoko was programmed to observe data through extensive manipulation and interaction. Her actions accurately reflected the attitude of a rogue minority of the Integrated Data Sentient Entity."

Well, if trying to kill me wasn't the error, what was? I scratched my head at her explanation.

"The errors revolve around the appearance of the entity known as Megaman Zero."

"Him? What does he have to do with her developing errors?"

"First you must understand. The workings of human social and personal interactions are, in large part, the result of mixed-up data streams in the human physical form."

Mixed-up data streams? What's that supposed to mean?

"As I said before, Asakura Ryoko is designed to interact extensively with the subject of her observation. For that purpose, she has extensive ability to simulate the outward manifestations of the mixed-up data streams which drive human social and personal interaction. From—"

"Nagato, please wait. When you say mixed-up data streams, do you possibly mean 'emotions' or 'feelings?'"

She nodded. In other words, then, you're just saying that Asakura has the ability to fake emotion and act like a normal human. I could've told you as much.

"From the beginning Asakura Ryoko's subject, like mine, has been Suzumiya Haruhi, the nexus of the new cascades of data flowing around this world. While I passively observed events and analyzed data, my backup unit sought to bond with the subject through imitation human interaction. Her efforts met with failure in every case."

I thought about how persistently Asakura had tried to talk to Haruhi. It's true that no matter how harshly that brunette rejected Asakura's friendship, the perfect class president had continued to try and make nice to her.

"When the situation became more static, Asakura Ryoko attempted to use violent means in order to cause a change in Haruhi's mental state. Whether her actions provoked Megaman Zero's arrival in this universe, or his appearance is purely a matter of coincidence, cannot yet be determined with the current information and is unimportant with relation to the current problem. As soon as it arrived, Asakura Ryoko voluntarily switched her observation and processing abilities to analyzing the new influx of data."

"Wait. So you're saying Zero's arrival distracted Asakura away from watching Haruhi? Is that right?"

By this time I had drained my cup of tea. Arms moving like clockwork dials on a watch, Nagato stopped and refilled it. That finished, she gave me her reply.

"Yes. For the moment, Asakura Ryoko has abandoned her attempts to understand Haruhi in favor of a close investigation of this new subject. He is indeed a wealth of strange and unknown data, one that we find difficult to analyze by direct methods. From information I have garnered, his bladed melee weapon is of particular interest, as it disrupts our data processing and manipulation abilities."

Bladed melee weapon? She must mean that sword he always carried. "In other words, Zero is a problem that will take a long time to figure out."

She nodded. "An indeterminate period, possibly years."

I relaxed a little bit. "Then she won't be a problem for us. She'll be too busy studying Zero to worry about anything else."

Nagato nodded very slightly. "That is a strong possibility. However, for your protection, and to prevent any further violations by my backup unit, I deemed it necessary to watch Asakura Ryoko's behavior for potential problems."

She stopped there, staring forward with no change in expression. Her waterfall of words had hit a dam. I shook my head at her.

"Nagato, what did you discover? The errors you mentioned earlier?"

For another long moment, the girl didn't answer. Her serious face twitched a little, expressing discomfort. "Asakura Ryoko's close interaction with the new subject has caused her problematic side effects. While her efforts to bond with Suzumiya Haruhi all resulted in failure, my backup unit's pretended emotions of caring towards Megaman Zero have met with immense success. She has completely deceived him into creating an emotional attachment to her.

"This is the point in the procedure where problems began. During the process of manipulating the mixed-up data streams in her new subject, Asakura Ryoko has begun to experience abnormalities in her own data processing abilities."

I turned this over in my head for a few seconds. Mixed-up data streams? Abnormalities? "I don't think I understand. You're saying that while that girl has been messing around with Zero's feelings, he's been influencing her too? How's that possible when she's an alien, just like—"

I stopped short of finishing that thought, but it was too late. Nagato's glasses flashed. "Yes. Like myself, Asakura Ryoko was designed to perform her duty under any and all conceivable circumstances, without developing errors or experiencing failure in her ability to analyze data. As an important part of this, we and others were each designed to function without the mixed-up data streams of ordinary physical life-forms.

"However, despite her sophisticated design, certain aberrations have appeared in my backup unit's behavior. Asakura Ryoko's imitation human interactions with her subject are increasingly laced with the results of genuine mixed-up data streams. Because of these errors, her integrity as an agent of the Integrated Data Sentient Entity has begun to be compromised."

"Nagato, are you saying that Asakura is developing human feelings for Zero? There's no way that's true!"

The girl across from me replied with a stony expression, and I immediately felt badly for shouting at her. "It is true. That is the problem."

My mind shrank back from Nagato's conclusion. I remembered all too clearly Asakura's cold-blooded words and the chill, steely knife she'd almost used to slash open my throat. How can a monster like that ever change?

Moreover, I saw another problem here. "If Asakura is 'compromised,' why doesn't the Integrated Entity whatever put an end to her right now?"

"Currently, the aberrations in Asakura Ryoko's behavior are very small. Only other data entities like myself are able to interpret them at this juncture. Meanwhile, she is collecting important new data from the new arrival known as Megaman Zero. Once the risks of her continued existence outweigh the benefits, my backup unit will be terminated."

"Risks?" What kind of risks does a non-physical alien entity worry about?

"If current trends continue, Asakura Ryoko may come to forget her prime directive. She may even endanger Suzumiya Haruhi's ignorance of our existence, threatening the Integrated Data Sentient Entity's best chance for auto-evolution. In order to prevent such a catastrophe I have been instructed to do whatever becomes necessary."

Her words reminded me hauntingly of Zero's from earlier that day. Staring into my eyes, the miniscule tokens of concern in Nagato's face deepened. When she spoke, I heard the tiniest element of reproof in her voice.

"Listen carefully. You are able to change the outcome of this scenario, for better or for worse. That is why I instructed you to come."

Change the outcome? What are you saying? "Stop joking around, I'm not in control of anything here! What can I do?"

"As with Suzumiya Haruhi, you have unusual ability to influence Megaman Zero's thinking. Do not underestimate your impact on him."

After making that ominous statement, she finished her tea. I sat there feeling a little lightheaded.

"…Nagato, are you saying you want me to stop Asakura from getting more emotional about Zero?"

"If that were possible, it would simultaneously prolong her existence and that of Megaman Zero. However, the end result would inevitably remain the same. Given her previous violation and her observed instability, only Asakura Ryoko's usefulness in studying Megaman Zero currently makes her worth preserving. After his data has been fully analyzed and any possible permutations tested and calculated, Asakura Ryoko herself will be disconnected from her data interface and her remains will be analyzed in an attempt to determine the source of the errors she experienced. Determining the source of the problems may enable the Integrated Data Sentient Entity to correct or prevent similar problems in other Living Humanoid Interfaces."

After spouting off that huge explanation, Nagato returned to topic. Her dark eyes bored into my skull.

"You must find an alternate solution to the problem of Asakura Ryoko. If you do not, Megaman Zero will place his life at risk to defend her, and I will be forced to terminate them both at significant hazard to my mission here. That is the nature of the current situation."

"…I see."

I left Nagato's apartment not long afterwards. Her request for me to solve her problems came with no advice, just a reminder of the consequences of failure. How am I supposed to figure this out?

Something else bothered me about that conversation, though. I got the distinct impression that Nagato hadn't told me her real motive in wanting to avoid a fight between herself and Zero. Something deeper was happening here, something Nagato didn't even dare put in words to me. Or, if she had, I hadn't understood it in the torrent of other words. But what in the world could it be?

Gah! I can't believe I'm tangled up in such a mess! I made my way home with a downcast expression. As if everything else weren't enough, my parents would kill me for coming home so late.

00000

The next day at lunch, Zero told me all about what had happened the day before, up to the point where we arrived. I tried not to get wound up when I heard his story, but seriously—

"All that damage, just from working out? What kind of exercise did she put you through?"

"Just training robots. Strong ones. She worked very hard to create them."

I sat there for a minute, trying to wrap my head around the idea of a person who risked his life for a workout. I mean, what if Asakura's robots had messed up and put a hole in Zero's lungs, or worse?

Oh, never mind. "How badly are you hurt now?"

He nodded and related the scene in the bathroom to me. My eyes widened when he described the nanobot repair system, and again when he described the effect of his memory of robotic anger. I didn't know what to say about the second; even the first sounded like a weird sci-fi movie. "What kind of healing is that? Can you really be fine after just a few minutes?"

"Yeah. We trained again this morning, and I'm healed again." Zero took off his suit coat and unbuttoned his shirtsleeve. Acting as usual like no one else was there to see him, the blond displayed his bicep for public view.

"See? There."

From a nearby table I heard a chorus of girlish giggles. Not even looking at his arm anymore, I waved for Zero to stop. "Seriously, put that away. You'll make a scene."

He stared at me blankly for a second. "What's wrong?"

An impetuous female voice called out from behind him. "Geez, he never gets tired of showing off!"

Haruhi, don't call more attention to us!

Cipher covered up his muscles again, but I did get a glance at the scars on his arm. Besides normal whitish scar tissue, his wounds had filled up with steely strands that flexed with the skin. One shallow scar crossed over another, more serious one.

"She hit you in the same place this morning as yesterday?"

"Yeah. My nanobots fuse into the skin and act like armor. The training robot hit me harder the second time, but the scar tissue from the first wound shielded me from some of the damage. The wounds from this morning didn't take as long to heal, either."

I reached the same conclusion he had. "Your body is learning how to protect you in this universe."

Zero nodded. "I'm a learning robot. Whatever I have to do, I'll get better at it."

For a moment, I felt proud of myself for figuring all of that out so quickly. Then Haruhi appeared at our table.

"Cipher, you can seriously stop showing off. We already know you're a buff dude, you don't need to convince us."

Cipher lowered his head. "Yes, Suzumiya-sama."

Like a weed in the rain, an impertinent smile grew over Haruhi's face. "Kyon, you could learn a lot from this guy. He really knows how a to address an important leader."

"Stop joking around, Haruhi! You're barely the leader of anything."

"Is that so?" Her smile only grew. "We'll just see about that tomorrow."

Like an evil villainess, she whirled around and left us with that foreboding statement. Zero turned in his seat to watch her go before he looked back to me. His enormous blond ponytail trailed behind his head like the biggest, longest hairdo I've ever seen on a guy. Even on TV I've never seen anything like it. How does no one notice that?

Ah, time to stop wondering and ask him already. I lowered my voice to do so, hoping he'd take the hint and not embarrass himself again. To my great relief, he caught on and also answered in a low tone.

"I'm protected. In some universes I can't do my duty unless I seem normal. Or, almost. People see I'm different, they just don't realize how much."

His hand went to his sword, and he pulled it from the sheath a fraction of an inch. Its greenish blade flashed steely in my eyes. Wait, when did he replace the wooden one with this deadly thing?

"Ryoko broke the wooden sword during training. My sheath got hot, and this high-carbon alloy version appeared. I think it scares her a little." He answered my question and continued on. "If I carry this, no one notices. If I draw it and give it to you, a few people notice. If I stab you, everyone notices." Zero allowed the blade to slide noiselessly back into place. His expression grew more grim, if possible. "Once the protection is gone, it's gone. Anyone who's noticed I'm not human can expose me. You, Ryoko, Nagato-san, and anyone you tell."

The way he said it, I felt a lot of responsibility all the sudden. At least I hadn't told anyone who couldn't be trusted. Well, unless you count Koizumi.

00000

I barely pretended to pay any more attention to my schoolwork that day. Zero's crazy story ran through my head like a bullet train screaming around in a figure-8. Okabe-sensei droned on and on while my brain travelled to a far-off land.

How long ago Zero started sliding? Where did he come from? Why did his memories keep getting erased? What mysterious force kept him going from universe to universe, if he himself didn't know how it happened? There must be answers to these questions in some universe out there, but not in this one. Unless the fighting robot's memories mysteriously returned, I foresaw no possible way of discovering the truth.

Other questions rose to mind. For instance, how scared should I be of those "robotic memories" Zero described? Right off the bat, I saw a problem with a fighter like him constantly flashing back to a horrifyingly violent past. Did Asakura realize the danger she'd created?

From what she'd said earlier that day, I went to the clubroom expecting Haruhi to spring out a terrifying new agenda on us all. To my surprise, she dismissed us early to talk to Cipher alone. Great. Now he'll be in on whatever madness she devises. I didn't even get to enjoy Asahina's tea, having been forced to gulp it down before Haruhi threw us out of the room.

In desperation, I cornered Koizumi before he headed home, or wherever he goes after school. With Nagato's brain already tapped out, I had only myself, Asahina, and the esper to talk to about the Zero-Asakura problem. I'd already lied to Asahina about the situation, and trying to figure it out on my own was driving me insane. That left only Koizumi. Boy, I wish I had better options than this.

That esper put his chin in his hands and hmm'd a lot while I told him what I'd learned from Cipher that day. Hoping for him to help me figure out what to do, I especially focused on Zero's reaction to his training sessions with Asakura.

Finally, I came to the end of my new information. I braced myself for one of his long, headache-producing philosophical diatribes, but this time he started off with just one incomprehensible word.

"Pinocchio."

"…What?"

"Haven't you read that old story? Ah, well," he shrugged at my confusion, and continued. "It's about an little wooden doll made in the shape of a boy. From the beginning he wants to become a real boy, and sets off to do so. At the end of the story, he finally gets his wish."

"What does that have to do with any of this?"

"It's exactly the same story, but in reverse. Your friend Inafune Cipher likes to be a real boy, but not everybody feels that way."

"You think so, huh?" I didn't really understand, but what the heck. If I asked for more explanation at this point, he'd probably just lead me in a big logical circle and get me more confused.

"I think so. You said that when he's wounded, the nanomachines help recompose the damaged membranes?"

"…Yeah, something like that."

"And when he remembers his feelings as a robot, it's harder for him to process life like a normal human."

He's using way bigger words than he has to, if you ask me. "Right. I guess."

"If that's the case, then the classmate we know as Inafune Cipher may not exist for much longer."

I gave him an utterly mystified expression. "What are you saying? Oh—"

Too late. He launched into a philosophical diatribe about the nature of being, and quoted one or two old sophists that I certainly didn't know, let alone take seriously. What does the existence of the alias Inafune Cipher have to do with Zero's nanobot repair systems?

Koizumi and I go home by different routes anyway, so I chose this point to part from him. I walked home slowly, alone again with my thoughts.

What did Asakura mean to accomplish with all those training sessions, anyway? Was she simply gathering data like Nagato thought? If so, she'd decided to go about it in an extremely brutal way. What deeper purpose did that alien girl have in mind? Talking to Zero and then Koizumi had given me way more questions than answers.

For instance, what did Asakura mean by flirting with Zero? Was that a part of her "mixed-up data" for him, or just another ploy to get more data? Whatever the case, I don't think you're going to get anywhere by trying to demonstrate human romance, Asakura. He's completely immune to that form of attack.

Even including that comic relief, however, no clues presented themselves for solving the mystery of the hour: how can I get Zero out of this universe without anyone dying? Like it or not, at some point Nagato had to put a stop to Asakura. And unless Asakura left the scene, Zero would fight for her to the death. Either his, or her attacker's.

Then it hit me. All at once, I understood the purpose of Zero's training program, and Koizumi's words finally formed into a sensible thought. Asakura wasn't about to take her fate lying down. She meant to survive—even if surviving meant the destruction of the human known as Inafune Cipher.

00000

That night, Ryoko and I lay on the roof of her apartment complex, watching the stars. Stars: gigantic, fluid, yet structured orbs of fusing hydrogen floating in a darkness that spanned from one end of the universe to the other. Hundreds of thousands of light-years away, and screened by the chaotic intracurrents of Earth's atmosphere, they only looked like little twinkling dots on a black velvet background. Or at least, that's how Ryoko described it all. She knows more than anyone, ever.

"Zero-kun? Did you hear me?"

I blinked. "Oh. Sorry. No, what did you say?"

"What do you remember about the universe five slides back?"

I started to sigh, but broke into a fit of coughing instead. With a guttural noise, I spat up a glob of phlegm. "Ugh. Sorry, I inhaled a lot of that nerve gas. Five slides back, huh?"

"Yes, please. You've told me about the last four, and it was extremely interesting. So many similarities between them all, don't you think? It almost suggests a common pattern of origin, a guiding influence that brings them into synchrony."

"Yeah." I sighed, successfully this time. I thanked my tiny nanobots, hard at work again. Between the chemical attacks and the physical beating from the last training session, they had replaced a lot more tissue. Fine titanium mesh now coated most of my bones as well. "Ryoko, can't we talk about something else? Some of those memories make me feel…strange."

"Is that so?" Asakura turned on her side and laid her head on my chest, as if listening to my heartbeat. Her hand traced the network of metallic scars hidden underneath my shirt. "What do you mean by 'strange'?"

I lay very still for a moment, dwelling on the sensations running through my organic frame. In the last hour I'd had three full flashbacks and nearly a dozen micro-flashbacks to my robotic memories. After all that living in the past, I barely felt anything in the present.

"After I feel the memories, I can't feel you, Ryoko."

Her finger wandered down my side, then traced across my waistline above the slacks. "I don't think I understand. You can't feel that at all?"

"No. Yes. I sense pressure, temperature, texture, weight, and moisture, but I don't feel you."

I tilted my head down to look at her, my ponytail rustling against the blanket beneath us. Asakura Ryoko's eyes, cobalt blue in the starlight, wandered wonderingly over my face as I spoke. "When we started talking, I felt you there…caring. Listening, caring. I can't even describe it, but it was there. I know now because it's gone. Are you still listening, or simply logging data? Or am I still talking, or just making noises with my mouth?"

For a split second, her hand gripped my chest like a little vise. In the next moment, Ryoko stood with her back to me, facing the door that led down into the apartment complex. She moved with lightning speed.

Not fast enough, though. I'll never forget the expression on her face before she released me.

What had she ever done to make her feel so guilty?

"Ryoko-san…"

"Please excuse me, I need to work on something. Zero-kun, make sure to get plenty of rest tonight." She half-turned and gave me a smile that made me feel nothing at all. "You'll need it for tomorrow."


	5. The Destruction of Inafune Cipher II

When I arrived at class the next day, Asakura and Inafune were nowhere to be seen. Ordinarily the class president arrived early, and Inafune with her, but not today. Before class even started, Haruhi gave her verdict with the air of a wrathful Justice.

"They're late."

Keen observation, Haruhi.

She scowled her usual "life-isn't-going-how-I-like-it" scowl. "He'd better not wimp out on brigade activities today. Not after all the hard work I did shopping for the supplies."

Supplies? My soul suddenly filled with foreboding. "Haruhi, what kind of supplies did you buy? What do you have planned?"

She harumphed at me, but didn't manage to contain her smirk. "Wouldn't you like to know."

"Is it something you need Cipher for?"

"Quit asking, you'll find out later today."

And that ended our conversation for the morning.

00000

Inafune finally dragged his corpse into class three hours later, his right hand covered in a bandage up to the wrist. Asakura came in behind him with an apologetic expression.

"Oh, so you're here." Okabe-sensei interruped his mind-numbing lecture to acknowledge their entry. He glanced at Inafune's bandaged arm, and back to Asakura. "Well, I believe you have excellent reasons for your lateness, so simply go and take your seats."

"Thank you, Okabe-sensei. I'm deeply sorry for our tardiness." Asakura bowed and hurried to her seat.

"Yes, yes. Now, to recap…"

The lunch bell rung shortly after. Taniguchi immediately came up to me wearing a nervous expression.

"Hey, Kyon, I know you always eat lunch with that new person…"

Always? It's been all of two days. Although, to be fair, I fully expected Zero to come and unload his burdens on me like usual. Since I'm apparently the friend of all supernatural activity in the area.

"I was wondering…can I join you guys?"

My eyebrow twitched. What, now that I eat with Inafune, we're suddenly the "cool" table at lunch? Do whatever you like!

In the event, Kunikida joined us as well. Zero barely spared the energy to look at them as he sat down with his bento box. His face bore a tiny metallic scar just above the eye, and he handled his bandaged wrist with extreme care. Even aside from the obvious wounds, he carried himself with a depressingly haggard air. I wondered what force had brought the indestructible warrior to this condition.

Taniguchi apparently wondered the same thing. A few bites into our meal, he nudged me and glanced meaningfully in Inafune's direction. What, don't you even have the courage to open a conversation?

I cleared my throat. "Cipher, I think Taniguchi has a question for you."

Wordlessly, the blond raised his weary eyes to the other freshman. Taniguchi shot me a glare and stumbled over his response.

"I, uh, was wondering how you got hurt." He pointed at the bandages over Zero's hand and wrist.

Inafune grumbled out one word in reply. "Training."

"You mean, like, martial arts?"

Man, I'm already getting sick of the awe in Taniguchi's voice.

"You must train really hard."

Kunikida, you too? Ugh.

"Yeah." Zero went back to his bento. "It'll heal. Just hurts."

"Why did you come to school today, if it hurts that badly?"

"I like school."

Taniguchi and Kunikida tried a few more questions, but the warrior became increasingly silent. They must have gotten the feeling of being unwelcome, because they excused themselves clumsily after a few more minutes. Zero opened up as usual once they left.

He addressed me by my given name. "I don't know what to do."

I followed his glance to Asakura, at that moment talking with a girl who looked a little down. "Why, what's wrong? Did you two have an argument?"

"I wanted to do homework. She wanted to train. We trained. Now look."

Zero pulled back his shirtsleeve and pulled down the edge of the bandage to expose his wrist. Unbroken, shining silver metal gleamed back at me.

"Plasma blast," he hissed. "My nanobots have to completely reconstruct my arm, from the elbow down. My power core is running hot enough to burn a cow to death."

I shifted a little further away in my seat. "You're really angry about this."

"I don't know what to do. After last night, she turned into a different person. She acts like she doesn't care what happens to me."

"That doesn't sound right." I reflected on what Nagato had told me. "She must still care. She made you that lunch, right?"

Zero nodded, chewing slowly. He stared into his food. "She says I have to eat it all so I'll be ready for more action."

I shook my head in wonder. Asakura had to know better than to abuse him like this, if she wants his trust. What did that alien girl have in mind? "Cipher, You can't keep training with her if you want to stay human. Or, partly human, anyway. You need to tell her how you feel, and she can try studying you some other way."

"What if she throws me out?"

I thought for a moment. "I know Nagato has room in her apartment."

"No. I can't trust her."

That didn't leave many alternatives. "Hmm. Do you have enough money to rent your own place?"

He pulled a wad of bills out of his pocket and presented it to me. I counted a substantial amount of Yen, but not enough to stay in an apartment or hotel for very long. Asakura could certainly have given him more of an allowance. Shaking my head, I handed it back to him.

"I don't know, then. The only other people who know your secret are the other members of the S.O.S. brigade."

Zero nodded glumly. "The red-haired girl is still afraid, and that other guy makes me suspicious."

Well, at least I'm not the only one that wonders about Koizumi. On the other hand, this left us with a real problem. I wondered how my parents would react if I told them a new classmate needed to stay at our place. After all the trouble I'd gotten into for coming home so late the other night, I didn't foresee a good result.

At that moment a shadow fell over our table. A band of girls had gotten up the courage to come over and talk to the wounded martial arts master. Their leader, a green-haired girl I didn't recognize, addressed Inafune in a meek tone.

"Inafune-san, are you all right?"

He turned slowly and gave her an expressionless look. She edged the tiniest bit backwards. "We saw you didn't look so well, and Asakura said you sprained your wrist…"

In the face of his continued silence, she bowed hastily. "I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself properly. My name is Kimidori Emiri, I'm a second year student here. These are some of my classmates."

I spotted Asahina-san in the group of four or five girls. She gave me a tiny wave.

"What do you need?" Inafune's voice came out like a grumble like before. But a soft grumble this time, and his face twitched with obvious pain. Kimidori smiled at him like at a whining Doberman with a hurt paw.

"We just want to be any help we can. It's hard to see another person in pain."

Another girl piped up from the back. "Asakura says you're a sweet guy."

"Do you need help with your homework?"

"Maybe a dessert to take your mind off the pain?"

"Does your wrist need some ice for the swelling?"

Like a dam had burst, the girls all started talking at once. Asahina remained the only non-participant. She just stared at him with her big, brown eyes looking all tender. Come on, Asahina-san, not you too!

Inafune shot a fearful look in my direction. His voice came out in a whisper. "What do I do?"

"Let them help you?" I whispered back, shrugging. If I'd ever had a squad of cute second-year girls excitedly fawning over me, I'd probably have more advice to give. But fate is cruel for normal guys like me. "It can't hurt."

My own unfulfilled wishes aside, it felt good to watch this poor guy get some positive attention from normal humans. And even if Asakura looked over here and got jealous, I figured she didn't dare use her powers in a public place like this. Besides, if she wanted to she could have taken better care of him herself.

Pondering my advice, Zero's expression cleared. In the second before he spoke I gained a dark premonition.

"I do have a problem. Tonight I might not have a—ow."

I released my hand from his bandaged wrist. "Tonight Cipher's parents are out of town, and he doesn't know how to cook worth a darn." Both statements are true, so don't judge me! I'm not born to deception, I'm just forced into it to protect the innocent. "Are any of you any good at cooking?"

Every head nodded and every mouth excitedly uttered agreement. I sighed. Yeah, sure you all are. "Good, good. I'm sure he'd love to come to dinner if one of you prepared it. It's not like he'd be asking to stay the night or anything, since that's absolutely and completely out of the question."

A couple of the girls blinked at the special emphasis I put on the last part, but comprehension dawned dimly on Zero's face. Bingo, Mr. Awkward, at least you can take a hint. When dropped like a sledgehammer.

"Of course we'll help you!" Kimidori glanced back at the other girls, who nodded their assent. "Just leave it to us."

She traded contact information with him—surprisingly, Zero both possessed and apparently knew how to use a cell phone—and she and her friends colonized the table. I chivalrously gave up my seat, ignoring Inafune's expression of panic. Nope, I've protected you enough for today, buddy. You can wrestle with this one all on your own.

00000

Eventually, the day's final period ended and we migrated to our various after-school activities. I found myself in the Literature Club room as usual, drinking Asahina-san's fantastic tea. While I tried not to stare too hard at her in her maid uniform, a question formulated in my brain.

"So, what are your plans for Zero's dinner tonight?"

She closed the box with the tea leaves. No response. "Asahina-san?"

She startled a bit. "Oh, me? I'm sorry, I thought you must mean…"

The perfect tea girl glanced over to Nagato, who sat reading her book as always. Our resident alien gave no response, so Asahina lowered her gaze.

"I'm afraid I'm busy tonight…the other girls will have to care for him."

"Busy? With what?"

"Classified information." She smiled cutely. "Sorry."

Ah, well, it was worth a try. At least she won't be an acting part of the Inafune Cipher Fan Club for now.

A knock at the door interrupted my thoughts. "Come in, it's not locked."

The knock came louder. "Open the door!"

I know Haruhi's voice anywhere. Asahina went and turned the handle, at which point our fearless brigade leader decided to kick down the door.

"Ouch…" our perfect maid stumbled back, tears springing to her eyes. Haruhi burst in with her arms full of shopping bags, humming the theme to _Karate Kid_.

"All right, I've got the materials! Now let's get to work."

Koizumi and Inafune followed her in as well, each of them severely overloaded. Zero looked about ready to die under the strain.

"All right, we have Nagato, Kyon, Koizumi, Cipher, and—hey, Mikuru-chan, what are you doing back there? It's time to get out of that maid uniform and get started!"

"Get started with what?" I stood out of my seat, eyeing Asahina with pity. Abused by the demented Haruhi yet again, she backed away from the door. "Idiot, you hurt Asahina-san."

Dumping her bag on the table, Haruhi waved this concern away. "Consider it the first part of training. Toughness!"

Training? Just what kind of training? My eyes went from the gear Haruhi had dumped on the table, to the big rolled-up mat Inafune left in the corner, to the dumbbells Koizumi started to unload from his bags.

Haruhi scoffed. "What do you think? If we're going to handle any serious threats to the Earth's security, we have to be in top physical condition! Cipher here is going to whip all of you into shape as proper members of the S.O.S. Brigade!"

"Darn it, Haruhi, are you going to turn this club into a martial arts class?"

"Exactly! Now that we have a proper teacher, we can be prepared for any hostile alien or supernatural activity. At least, the kinds that can be affected with physical attacks. There are plenty of threats out there that use unconventional weaponry, but we'll have to cross that bridge when we come to it."

She sounded so matter-of-fact about it all. Haruhi, I do not think a little martial arts training is going to prepare us to go up against the likes of Asakura, or those big blue giants Koizumi fights. But what was the use in telling her that? "All right, but where are we going to train? There's not enough room in here with the tables and everything."

"Of course not! That's why we'll be moving the tables into the hall for now. Or we can force the Computer Club to take them. Whatever, we can get them back when we're done."

As usual, stopping Haruhi required more strength than stopping a Sumo wrestler. I've never had that much, Koizumi and Nagato just go along with whatever she says, and Asahina finds herself forced into whatever costume Haruhi chooses.

In the end, we three guys had to find a place for the tables while the girls changed into their dogi [pronounced doe-gee, Japanese karate training uniforms often used for other martial arts as well]. As we left the tables stacked in the hallway, I simply prayed no responsible person would come by and recognize them as a fire hazard for blocking the passage.

Meanwhile, like I said, the girls changed into their uniforms.

"Kyaa~!"

"Quit complaining, you'll look great in this!"

I could easily visualize the scene beyond the door: Haruhi forcing our Asahina into yet another uniform meant to highlight her sex appeal. Once she had changed, Haruhi would focus on her own gear.

"It sounds like someone's getting hurt." Our newest member frowned at the door.

"No, that's just Asahina-san being forced to change again."

"Again?"

"It's one of Suzumiya-san's funny habits." Koizumi gave his trademark shrug.

Zero fingered the hilt of his sword. "So long as she's not hurting her."

I blinked. Did this guy really have the courage to stop Haruhi if she abused our club mascot? If he did, I'd finally have an ally.

Before I finished pondering this new development, the door to the clubroom opened. "Ta-da!"

Haruhi presented a teary-eyed Asahina in her new dogi. She looked far too timid to be a martial artist of any kind. However, I can't complain about the visual effect.

As for our brigade leader, she looked every bit the part, from the cloth-wrapped hands and feet to the black belt and uniform patch with S.O.S. on it. Why doesn't it surprise me that she's already an accomplished fighter?

"Where did you ever get the money for all this stuff?" I gave Asahina's costume a second admiring look before turning to Haruhi.

"Cipher and his girlfriend helped out like good brigade members. I know she's loaded, so it's no problem for her."

Not to mention, any money Zero has in this world can be attributed to his alien hostess. This explains why he doesn't have enough left over for hotels, despite how generous Asakura had probably been with his allowance. Haruhi, you have no idea the inconveniences you impose on people!

"…"

I finally noticed Nagato in her dogi. She looked exactly like a life-size doll that had been dressed up in karate gear. The bookworm quietly stepped out of the room.

"All right, now you guys get changed! We have a lot of work to do, so hurry up." Haruhi impatiently waved us in and gestured to the remaining gear on the floor. "Unroll the mat when you're done so it covers the floor."

We caved in to her demands as usual. Our dogi fit us remarkably well; had Haruhi knocked us all out at some point and taken our measurements? Or did she just have a natural eye for this kind of thing, like with Asahina's costumes? That creeped me out a little bit.

Having changed, we finished preparing the clubroom by stacking unnecessary furniture in the closet or the hall. With everything moved out, the mat just barely fit the room. Haruhi came back in with the other girls and ordered us into our fighting stances.

"All right, let's get ready to rumble! Huh?"

She paused as Inafune came up and whispered in her ear. Whatever he said, it almost made her pout.

"But that's so boring. Why can't we skip to the fun part?"

He shook his head. "It's better this way. Trust me."

Reluctantly, Haruhi gave the order to stand down. "Follow this person's instructions, to the letter! Understand?"

With you scowling like that, who's dumb enough to say no?

00000

"Straighten your stance. Guard up. Now turn…"

With Zero giving the orders on what to do, the first official S.O.S. Brigade Dojo Meeting actually started off fairly well. Once he'd taught us the very basics as a group, the martial arts master took one or two of us aside at a time and trained us in different fighting styles. Or tried to, anyway, with Haruhi constantly butting in and none of the rest of us knowing where to start.

"There. Deflect a thousand pounds with three ounces."

Asahina timidly slapped at a slow-motion left cross from the long-suffering blond. Haruhi chose this moment to stop beating up on Koizumi and throw in yet another critique. (The esper leaned against the wall, his annoying trademark smile gone while he gasped for breath. Haha, better him than me.)

"What kind of move is that? Cipher, show her how to do some real damage or she'll never win."

Crouched in front of the little goddess, Zero shook his head. He threw another slow-motion punch that she smacked with more force. "She's learning aikido. It's the best style for her body type and personality."

"What, because she's timid and has big breasts? I don't think it'll emphasize her looks any more than Karate!"

The blond's expression crinkled with confusion, but he otherwise pretended not to notice. He put his hands on Asahina's shoulders to reposition her stance. "You're doing well. Now, we'll practice a basic hold."

I stopped kicking the punching bag and rested my hands on my knees. While I watched her, a powerful aura came off Haruhi's hair and shoulders. Zero, it's a bad idea to blow her off like that…

"I'M THE SENSEI HERE!" she shouted hard enough to knock Asahina over. "En garde!"

Inafune turned a blind eye and a deaf ear to her. I watched openmouthed as he stooped to pick our beautiful senpai off the ground. "Don't be afraid. Get up and take your—"

Haruhi sailed towards him in an elegant flying kick. Inafune moved his uninjured left hand so fast it blurred, and our brigade leader smacked into the mat.

"—stance. Keep your guard up."

Finally, he looked away from Asahina. Sweat dripping from his skin, his face haggard and worn, the blond directed his statement to the brunette sitting dazed on the mat behind him. "Suzumiya-sensei, you can quit interrupting while I'm helping a student."

Now he'd done it. Haruhi instantly jumped to her feet and crossed her arms over her chest.

"So, you think you can tell me what to do in my own dojo, eh?"

Your "dojo?" "Say, Haruhi, aren't you taking this a little far?"

But she ignored my question. Silly me for asking; Haruhi takes everything too far. Koizumi watched them with a faint smile, while Asahina crept away wide-eyed, her fighting stance having melted like hot taffy. Sorry, Zero, it's probably a waste of time trying to train her for combat.

"You told me to train them in the martial arts." Inafune turned to face the "sensei" fully. "Do you take that order back?"

"Don't try that old routine on me. I'll have them trained like I want them trained!"

Zero's eyes narrowed. "Want to demonstrate a little? For the students?"

"I wouldn't mind that a bit. Draw your sword." Haruhi's voice turned deadly calm. "I'm a natural-born fighter, so watching me will be an education for them. Much better than your half-hearted tactics."

Inafune's left hand dropped to the hilt of his green steel blade, but he stopped and gestured for me to toss him a wooden weapon instead. Phew, I hope Haruhi didn't notice that.

And, based on her unchanging silent glare, she didn't. Zero's weirdness censor worked like a charm. From the pile of supplies in the corner I dug up a long training katana for Zero. Upon an impatient snap of Haruhi's fingers, Koizumi smiled enigmatically and tossed her an identical wooden sword. This was getting way out of hand.

Still, how could I possibly turn up an opportunity to watch a fight like this? Megaman Zero at maybe 5% vs. Suzumiya Haruhi at full power. What if she beat him out of pure ferocity?

Then again, what if Zero had one of those robotic flashbacks at just the wrong moment? Ever since hearing about that first one I'd wondered how dangerous they made him. What if he really cut loose, even if only for a few seconds?

Regardless of my worries, the two opponents bowed and went into their "ready" stances. For the first time I saw Nagato look up from her purely mechanical shadow boxing. I'd noticed Zero gave her a wide berth; he at least respected her power enough to take caution around the four-eyed alien. With that in mind, I didn't worry as much. Having Nagato around really adds to my personal sense of security.

"I hope you're ready to eat mat." Haruhi continued the ceremonial trash-talking with a grin. Don't you remember being thrown aside so casually?

"We'll see." Inafune's face twitched, and he put his bandaged hand behind his back. "Show them all you've got, Commander."

"Shut up!"

She charged with a high-pitched battle cry and sent her weapon chopping down towards his head. Inafune neatly sidestepped her attack and swatted her behind with the flat of his weapon.

"Keep your guard up, Commander."

"How dare you! Hyah!"

Red in the face, she whirled and unleashed a blitzkrieg that filled the room with the clatter-smash of wood on wood. Inafune barely moved his sword to deflect each attack.

"Suzumiya-sensei, stop holding back. They need to see your true power."

He's mocking her…right?

"You can't handle my true power!" She growled at maximum ferocity, eyes narrowed to slits. "You're going down."

Even as he baited her on, Zero's face had turned a sickly shade of gray. I saw his entire right arm seize up behind his back. What's going on there?

"Don't hold back." He managed this last sentence before Haruhi screamed and launched herself at him with all her force.

SMASH!

I thought for sure she'd broken her sword.

Turns out, she broke his.

Haruhi stood still for a moment, frozen with shock. Inafune's wooden katana lay in pieces on the mat.

Without even pausing, Zero smiled and backhanded his opponent's weapon from her numbed grasp. Next he quickstepped in and tried to flip the girl over with a judo hold, albeit awkwardly with his one hand.

"You've underestimated your opponent!" She squirmed free of his move and caught his bandaged hand. Haruhi twisted the arm cruelly behind his back. "On your knees!"

Still smiling, Zero fell to his knees. Asahina screamed at the glassy look in his eyes.

"Kyaa~!"

Inafune Cipher went limp. Our fearless leader gave us a victorious grin and let him fall to the floor.

"Any questions?"

We stared at her in dead silence. Haruhi turned to walk away triumphantly when I saw the blond look up with a grin.

"You've underestimated your opponent!" Supporting himself with both hands, he kicked out and grabbed Haruhi's ankles between his own. Gasping at the suddenness of it, she flew to the ground as he leapt into a horizontal twist.

Smack! One teenage girl, face first on the mat. Inafune sprang from his hands to his feet and fell back down to pin Haruhi for good.

"Any questions?"

He smirked right in her dark-eyed glaring face. By the look of her, I thought for sure Haruhi meant to bite his nose off, or start yelling again, or deliver an order for the rest of us to execute the offender. Not that we'd even be able to do anything of the sort, but that girl doesn't take losing easily.

But no. To my everlasting shock, Haruhi's glare turned into a maniacal grin.

"Now that's the kind of fighter we're looking for. Never back down, troops! You're never defeated until the head is removed from the body!"

Taking his cue, Inafune rose and let the brigade leader spring to her feet. She took us all in with an expansive wave of her arms.

"Now let's get back to training!"

"Oh. Sorry, am I interrupting club activites?"

We all turned to look. Standing just inside the door, Asakura gave the clubroom an innocent smile. She held up a shopping bag.

"I brought snacks."

00000

Inafune left with Asakura shortly thereafter. Before he walked out, though, he gave me a look full of worry. I smacked my fist gently into my palm. Whatever happens, don't let her mess around with you, Zero.

I felt brave right then, encouraging his fight right under the enemy's nose. Little did I know how quickly I'd have reason to regret it.

After Haruhi, Nagato and Asahina had changed, our fearless leader grabbed up her stuff and ordered us to do any cleanup necessary. That meant Koizumi and I had to roll up the mat and drag the tables back in. We didn't bother to set the computer back up, seeing as we'd just have to take it down again the next day.

Man, the room had gotten muggy while we trained. Once I had changed back into my school uniform I stepped gratefully into the cool of the hallway.

My gratitude lasted only an instant. I turned for the exit and shock suddenly numbed my body, planting my feet to the floor.

Asakura Ryoko stood there with a smile, waiting for me.

"Kyon-kun! How happy I am to see you." She grabbed my necktie and pulled me nose-to-nose with her. "Where's my Zero-kun?"

"What—what are you talking about! How should I know?"

The clubroom door opened again, and out stepped Koizumi. He blinked when he saw us, nonplussed for a moment, before digging up his annoying trademark smile.

"Excuse me for interrupting. I'll be on my way."

Thanks a ton, Koizumi. I knew I could count on you to help me out. "Dang it, where's Nagato when I need her?"

"She's busy right now. Besides, I won't hurt you."

"You're out of control, Asakura. Let me go!"

"Oh?" She cocked her head. "No, I'm very much in control. No mixed-up data, whatever Nagato-san told you. I just want to know where my subject is, and this seemed the most efficient method for finding out."

She turned her head to look down the hallway. She must have lots of senses I don't, because it looked empty to me. "Hmm. Company. Let's go inside the clubroom, shall we?"

I had no choice, as usual these days. She opened the door and dragged me inside, shutting the door behind her. The lock closed with a "click."

That does it. "What the heck do you want with me?"

"Not much. I need a little help locating my subject, that's all." She leaned against the door while she talked. "Will you help? Please?"

Ugh, when she asks that way, it almost makes me feel bad for her. Unbelievable. "Before I agree to do anything like that, you have to tell me what's going on here. How did you lose him in the first place?"

She smiled as though she'd already won the argument. "You're right, that will help, after all. Please take a seat."

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Zero-kun followed me out of the Literature Club room without any complaints, other than the worried look he gave to you. I led him down the hallway towards the exit.

"How did you like the club meeting today?"

"I had fun." He raised his bandaged right hand for inspection. "The nanobots finally finished. I have two arms now."

"Wonderful!" I cut open the bandages with my fingernail and pulled them off. "Astounding, the level of technology evident in the surface layer alone. Far beyond anything the humans of this world have accomplished."

He grunted a response and flexed the silver-colored appendage. Its beautifully developed surface flowed and stretched more seamlessly than even human skin. "It'll do."

"What, is that all? Aren't you happy to have a stronger new hand?" I puzzled at the feedback I received from him. "Your purpose is to be a strong combat unit, and this new configuration results in increased strength and toughness."

"I know." His hand dropped to his side. I noticed that his perspiration had decreased, along with his rapid heart rate and muscle tension. Perhaps his internal nanomachine generation module had cooled down? I asked him about it.

"Yeah, I feel better now." His breathing had almost normalized as well.

I saw a set of restrooms up ahead. "Zero-kun, we'd better have you change your clothes. Your dogi will attract a great deal of attention if you wear it outside."

"Okay." He turned to walk in the door. I put a hand on his shoulder.

"That's the women's restroom. You want the other one."

"Oh. Okay."

He opened the door and shut it behind him. Once he left visual contact, I had to focus my hearing to monitor his position. With the ordinary life-forms of this planet I have many more methods of detection—x-ray absorption, echolocation, remote brain wave analysis, and even gravitational monitoring, to name a few—but those delightful nanomachines of his scramble every kind of scanning field I use. I've gone so far as to leave tracer units on his clothing, but the nanomachines detect any such intrusions and neutralize them in short order.

From the sounds I heard, Zero-kun stayed within the entryway of the restroom at first. I wondered a little about the inner workings of his newly generated mechanical arm. It seemed to run silently, which led me to speculate as to the design of its internal motors. Then there's the organic-synthetic interface at the elbow. I had enjoyed plenty of time to study that interface while Zero rested that morning, but only at the surface level thanks to his nanomachines' jamming field. How frustrating.

"Ryoko-san…"

His words interrupted my thoughts. As usual for the last eighteen hours or so, he addressed me by formal respectful postfix on the end of my given name, an odd combination. "Yes?"

"Do we have to train again after school?"

How strange. His disagreement from this morning had resurfaced. Immediately I remembered the facial expression he had displayed to you, and the encouraging gesture you made in return. How I wished I knew what you two had said at lunch earlier. (No, don't be afraid, I'm not angry. I don't have emotions, Kyon-kun; I'm entirely driven by logical protocols. Besides, Nagato knows we're here, and she'd quickly interfere if she judged you to be in danger.)

"How better can we both fulfill our prime directives?"

Muted almost to imperceptibility, cloth rustled on cloth, skin, and metal. "Never mind. I'm going to use the toilet. Excuse me."

He retreated beyond the second door of the bathroom. Once that second door closed, I strained my perceptions to continue to detect his sonic vibrations; Zero-kun moves very quietly for a humanoid. To my deep curiousity, however, I found myself unable to hear the least noise to indicate his continued presence. Not one vibration above background levels. Perhaps another effect of the jamming field? Honestly, every time I think I have him figured out…

I waited that way for a few minutes. At length I heard a toilet flush at near-normal decibel level, but afterwards, nothing.

Do you know what it's like to perceive everything, absolutely everything within the range of your senses? No, but I do. Since our creation, we Living Humanoid Interfaces have made a science of observation. Perception, along with data analysis, lies at the core of our design.

Do you know what it's like to live with a blind spot, an imperceptible area in exactly the place you want to observe? I do. Zero-kun is that blind spot. So many little mysteries I'll never understand. What if—

No matter. After another few seconds of observing nothing, I judged the unknown probability of a disappearance by my subject to outweigh the risk of detection. I manipulated the data of the wall to create a peephole into the men's restroom.

Carelessly, I had waited too long to act. I saw nothing but an oblong hole cut out of the tile floor. How had he possibly created such an opening without making any detectable noise? Simply impossible with the tools he possessed. Yet, there it was.

Switching to infrared detection, I saw that Zero-kun's residual body heat had dissipated from the surfaces of the room. He'd been gone for at least 29.2 seconds.

00000

As she finished that last sentence, Asakura's face twitched imperceptibly. If I hadn't been used to Nagato's tiny, super-controlled expressions of emotion, I'd have no way to interpret that twitch on our perfect class president's white face. But I was, and I knew exactly what it meant. How long did she intend to keep denying it?

"Where will he go?" Asakura cocked her head, setting her cascades of blue hair swinging from side to side. "I need to know."

I gave her a "tough" expression. I already have Haruhi to deal with; I don't need another bossy girl in my life. It's time to stand up for once. "You want him that badly, huh?"

I was hoping to see another twitch of discomfort, but no. Asakura makes it hard to feel good about being defiant.

Instead, she smiled. There was definitely something off about her smile that day.

"If I lose my connection to him, I lose the chance for continued existence here. It's that simple."

Despite my tough guy act, I pondered that for a second. "Because without him, you're not valuable enough for the Integrated Data Sentient Entity to keep alive."

Her smile grew. "Nagato briefed you well. Now do you understand why I want to find him so badly?"

"Well, yeah. Still, what makes you think I'll help you?"

"Oh, well." She came over and sat on the table right next to me. "That's really very simple. If I'm to be terminated, the IDSE will have to send at least one other LHI to do the job. I consider it 97.3% certain that Nagato-san will one of those sent."

She idly kicked her long, smooth legs. Like most of the girls in our school, Asakura typically rolled up her uniform-length skirt to expose more of her thighs. "Do you want to face Zero-kun when he finds out I've been terminated? Or, do you care what he does to Nagato-san after the deed is done? He won't be happy if he comes home to find me gone forever."

"How do you know he'll care?"

"He has too much emotional attachment to me to simply 'not care.' You know that." She giggled cutely and toyed with her hair, curling a loop of it around her finger.

"If you keep abusing him with those 'training sessions,' I don't know how much longer he'll keep caring. You know that's why he left you, right?"

Her face twitched again. Score! "I don't understand why he's so insistent on those 'feelings' of his. If he's so used to perceiving and processing life as an automaton, why does he bother entertaining all the processing abnormalities of organic creatures?"

"Eh? Use shorter words or I can't understand you."

"Never mind. It's a concept you can't possibly comprehend, having no way to escape the imperfections in your own data processing. The important question remains—"

"Wait." My brain caught up with her unnecessarily complicated speech. "You're complaining that he likes having human emotions? You're one to talk."

Again, I liked how bold I felt, calling her out. I could get used to this.

"What makes you say that?" Asakura leaned a little closer to me, still smiling. I slid as far back in my chair as possible, but still caught a heady whiff of her apple blossom perfume. "Honestly, I wonder what makes you think I have any actual emotions at all."

This is so wrong. I know she's an alien, she's not a real human, she's tried to kill me before—

Gah! Knowing that doesn't help. She's still turning me on. Come on, me, focus. Don't let down your guard. I opened my mouth for another attack.

"Zero thinks you care about him. Or you did, until last night. Can you really just turn your feelings off like—hey, what are you doing?"

She had started tickling under my chin with her fingertip. Laughing, Asakura ran her finger up my cheek and across, then down my neck. "What do I need to do for you to tell me where to find Zero-kun? I presume you know where to look for him."

I shivered, goosebumps suddenly covering my skin. "What do you think you're suggesting? You're an alien creep, not a human girl at all!"

"Then do it for Zero-kun. Without me he'll get lost in this world, Kyon-kun. Lost, alone, hungry…" She faked a sad expression.

"He can take care of himself. He has a cell phone and—" I didn't finish the sentence. He had the number of that green-haired girl, Kimidori Emiri, and she had his. After all, she planned to have him over for dinner with her friends that very night. What if he simply went there early?

Asakura studied my expression. "He won't answer his cell phone for me. Are you saying he has contact information for other people? Not you or yours, from your reaction. Maybe from those second-year girls at lunch? Yes? Perfect!"

She hopped off the table, smiling more genuinely than I'd seen her do for half an hour. "I should have thought of that before. If only I'd been more careful about watching him then, I could have avoided this whole meeting. But then," she raised her eyebrows at me, "you enjoyed it, didn't you, Kyon-kun? Such a pervert."

The alien in human form threw a wink in my direction and bounced on out the door. I slumped back in my chair, heaving a huge sigh of relief.

Before I had time to think, the clubroom door opened with a slam. Asakura bounced back in and grabbed my tie.

"Actually, I think I'll take you along. What if I need your help after all?"

"Wait, don't I get a say in all this?" I struggled to get away, but her grip was stronger than steel.

Asakura laughed as she dragged me out of my seat. "Of course not. Don't worry, we'll have fun."

"Gah! Nagato, where are you?"

I cried out for help, but no four-eyed alien girls answered my call. Just Taniguchi, who for some reason was wandering down the hallway at exactly the right time to see Asakura hauling me off. He just stared at us openmouthed.

Darn it, Taniguchi, if you keep it open like that you're just breeding flies. Somebody save me!


	6. The Unmasking of Asakura Ryoko

Hello everybody, and welcome to the Iris channel! It's all Iris, all the time, every time, no matter what 24/7! Flame me and I'll burn your house to the ground! No one likes a whiner, so let's give it up for IIIIIIIIRIIIIIIIIISSS!

"I barely get any lines in the video game, and no one takes my character seriously…" The little Reploid looked out at the audience with her baby face scrunched up and ready to cry. "Stop ignoring me, or writing me into stories as Zero's mindless plaything! I'm a professional with a purpose in life! Aaagh, why did Capcom even create me?"

She left the stage in a shower of tears.

Ahem. Sorry, but I just re-read an old story called "Venetian Glass." It reveals a beautiful, tearingly tragic new perspective on the little girl-bot. And for the Iris-haters in the audience, you can very well commit hari-kari, and enjoy it. I love that little Reploid…*sniffs* like you even care!

Fine, now go back to your regularly scheduled story. There won't be any more mention of Iris, so you can just leave me alone! *leaves before he loses control*

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**Chapter 6:** **The Unmasking of Asakura Ryoko**

"Is that so?"

"Yes."

"Then you haven't even…"

"Nope."

"That seems sad."

We spied on them unashamedly at their outdoor restaurant table. Their voices echoed with unnatural clarity across the court to us.

Hiding in the bushes. We. Us.

Asakura Ryoko and me.

I shuddered again, but she paid me no mind. Watching her target intently, the alien girl smiled.

"She'll never get him this way."

So you've told me. For the fourth time in an hour.

"Zero-kun simply isn't interested in ordinary girls. She'll have to do much better than this if she wants to relate to him. Don't you think, Kyon-kun?"

"Why do you keep asking my opinion? As if you care." I made a disgusted noise in my throat.

She turned to me with a hurt expression. "Kyon-kun, of course I care about your opinion. Please don't think that I'm arrogant simply because I have superior data processing abilities.'

I sighed. "I'm sorry, you're right. You're as humble as a peacock."

Asakura's pretended sorrow turned to consternation. Abruptly, however, her head jerked back up to watch Zero and his…date?

I didn't know quite how to classify what was happening in front of us. For that matter, I didn't know what Asakura meant by dragging me along for this. Why not just watch Zero on her own, instead of separating me from my own beloved home and family? Not that they're the best or worst in the world, but I do find dinner with my own family more enjoyable than lying in poky bushes watching other people have a nice romantic dinner.

Then again, romantic dinner? Zero didn't exactly have the look of a professional Casanova in his eyes. As for the girl across the table from him, I'd have forgotten her name if Asakura hadn't reminded me earlier.

Kimidori Emiri, a second-year student at our high school, apparently at least an acquaintance of Asahina's. No one can really compare to that petite goddess, but Kimidori had a good figure and plenty of other praiseworthy qualities. She gave an impression of refinement and elegance, coupled with a meek attitude that let other people take center stage. While she smiled and flirted in her own little ways, Kimidori left a lot of the initiative for the conversation in Inafune's hands.

As a result, the last twenty minutes had been fairly dull. Zero would say:

"Thanks for finding dinner for me."

Or something similarly off, and she would reply:

"Oh, I'm glad you came. How did you enjoy school today?"

Or something similarly innocuous. To which the blond would answer:

"It was fun."

Or something similarly brief.

Then they'd let the awkward silence go on for minutes at a time.

Not the most romantic dinner ever invented. I still wondered how the "fill Zero's belly" concept had transformed from "homemade dinner prepared by Kimidori + friends" to "dinner at fancy restaurant with Kimidori alone." Nothing they'd said so far gave me any real hints.

Of course, we'd only just found the two of them about half an hour ago. After checking Kimidori's apartment, every one of her friends' houses, and then roaming around the city in apparently random patterns determined by Asakura, we'd finally spotted them walking down the street to this restaurant.

You might ask, why hadn't we just used our cell phones to call Kimidori or one of her friends? After all, they'd probably be more than willing to give away Zero's position to his own girlfriend. Why not take the easy route and ask for directions?

Asakura absolutely refused. She didn't want to take even the slightest risk of Zero discovering she was looking for him. To that end, she'd injected me with who-knows-what that supposedly shielded me from being noticed. SEP-field generating nanomachines or something, she said. With those in me, and presumably her too, we found him without him finding us first.

I shuddered again, rubbing my neck where Asakura had bitten me. Without any warning, the alien had gone all vampire to inject those nanobots. And I don't care what she says, I just don't believe she really had to hold the bite that long.

Once Zero and the second-year girl had sat down at their table, Asakura had used her abilities to funnel their conversation over here for our ears. Like a jealous wife spying on her adulterous husband, we lay wait in the bushes watching for…what? What exactly did the LHI want to know?

At any rate, their food had arrived. Kimidori smiled expectantly while she waited for Zero to take the first spoonful of soup.

Even at this range I almost felt the tension from Zero's body. He picked up the soup spoon and looked deep into the bowl.

Asakura tapped her cheek with her fingertip. "I've never made him soup…I hope he doesn't struggle too much."

I raised my eyebrows at that. "Really?"

She didn't answer, eyes staring straight at her subject. Rather than watch him fumble around with what to do, I watched her expression for a bit.

Tense.

Tense.

More tense.

Downright worried.

"Um, Inafune-san…" Kimidori's voice reached my ears. "Forgive me, do you not prefer soup? I shouldn't have ordered it for you…"

Silence. He's shaking his head, I guessed. Asakura tapped her fingernails against her pearly white teeth.

"She doesn't know how to handle him at all."

I found her tone difficult to read. As if finally conscious of my staring, she glanced over at me.

"Are you interested in my behavior, Kyon-kun?"

Yeah. "You're acting downright weird for an alien that doesn't care about humans."

Familiarity breeds contempt, they say. I barely felt nervous badgering her anymore.

She cocked her head and opened her mouth to respond, but at that moment Zero spoke.

"…I don't know how to eat this." A small but distinct "clink" announced that the warrior had lain down his spoon.

Curious to see Kimidori's reaction, I finally glanced away from Asakura's white visage.

The green-haired girl almost, but didn't quite, burst out laughing. I saw amusement written all over her face. Inafune scowled.

Asakura frowned and folded her arms in front of her. Lying down like we were, that meant she partially hid her frowning face by resting her chin in her arms. I thought it the cutest expression she'd ever made.

Her beautiful voice came out in a muffled murmur. "That dirty girl. Watch what she does."

I did. Unsuccessfully stifling giggles, Kimidori picked up Zero's soup spoon and snagged a mouthful for herself out of his dish. He frowned at her severely while she chewed and swallowed.

"There. Now you."

Grinning girlishly, Kimidori scooped up another spoonful of soup and brought it straight to Inafune's lips. I guess she has a playful side after all?

Zero wasn't having any, though. He leaned back in his chair to avoid the food-laden utensil. Naturally, the hot broth instead spilled on his school uniform. The blond made a face, and Kimidori's grin instantly vanished.

"Oh no, I'm sorry…" the meek voice returned, so timidly I had to strain to catch it. "Please accept my apologies, I'm terribly sorry."

From that distance, I think I must have missed an important signal in the warrior's eyes. He gently removed the spoon from Kimidori's grasp, dipped it in his soup, and with a totally deadpan expression—

Flicked the entire spoonful at her.

She gasped as it hit her blouse dead center. And for a second, neither teenager moved a muscle, crickets literally chirping in the background.

Then Inafune cracked. His head dropping down between upraised arms, his shoulders rocked with uncontrollable laughter. Kimidori scoffed openmouthed.

"You threw it all over me…" she sounded torn between laughing and crying. Zero shook his blond-haired head, unable to speak as his body shook with sobs of laughter.

"…It was too perfect."

He finally managed a few words, raising his head to face her. Wiping a tear of laughter from his eyes, he continued to chuckle as he spoke. "You're just like X was, when we had to cross that stupid desert and those stupid bog-dwellers made us their nasty swamp gumbo. He never did get it off his armor, before they—oh, what the heck do you care?"

Zero wept, whether with laughter or sorrow I couldn't tell. No surprise here; that person is an emotional wreck. I glanced to Asakura, whose face had filled with impotent rage.

"How dare she." Her hiss cut the air like a razor. "How dare she make him cry."

"Are you upset that he's crying? Or that he's crying to Kimidori-san?" My voice came out harder than I meant.

"No more. I won't let her—"

Asakura stopped and stared downwards.

Even as she had moved to get up, I'd grabbed her arm to pull her back down. Stupid, stupid me.

To my surprise, the perfect class president stopped and stared instead of merely throwing off my weak little human grasp. Anger competed with something else in her pale visage.

"Why are you trying to stop me?"

I'm not sure I know that myself, crazy alien girl. But…

"Don't go in there. It's not right."

Asakura's eyes narrowed with fury. "I don't care about your 'right' and 'wrong.' Don't you see what will happen? She'll comfort him, and he'll confide in her, and I'll lose. I'll lose everything, Kyon."

Her voice grew weaker while she talked, from a raging torrent to an angry whimper. "It's happening right now. Can't you hear them?"

Their voices went on in the background. I forcefully shoved them out of my brain.

"You have to trust him." I didn't know where the words came from. Maybe my parents taught me more than I thought? "If you can't trust him now, he'll never come back and you'll never, ever be together the same way again."

"She'll replace me."

What are those, tears? What the heck is going on here? I shoved away the panic, too, and the words rose out from somewhere in my hindbrain.

"Maybe she will. But if you try to force his choice, he'll never be yours."

Basic law of relationships, right? I finally recognized where I knew all this from. It was a movie I'd watched with my parents a long time ago, when my little sister was still in diapers. Right here, right now, it was the only thing holding Asakura back from making a worse mistake than she'd ever made. Worse for her than trying to kill me.

Trembling slightly, she sank back down into the bush beside me. In the dim of the restaurant's lighting I saw tears dripping down her grief-contorted alabaster face. She buried that face in her arms and wept silently.

I felt more awkward than if Asahina had started crying and buried her head in my chest for comfort. I felt weirder than if Nagato had written me a mash note. I felt more uncomfortable than if Haruhi had made me chocolates.

I was seeing a side of Asakura that I never thought could possibly exist. And maybe, before three days ago, it didn't.

Searching for a distraction from the sight of her, I turned my attention back to Inafune and his new friend in mid-conversation.

"Yep. Twice." He took another bite of food.

"But that's—there's no way!" Kimidori laughed shyly, blushing like a ripe beet. She abruptly shut up as Zero stuffed a forkful of sashimi in her mouth. He pulled the utensil out and pretended to sheath it in his belt.

"Another enemy conquered." He spoke with an absolutely straight face. "The constantly giggling mouth of Kimidori Emiri."

"Cipher-kun…" she put her hand over her mouth to keep from spraying him with half-chewed food. He frowned and dug up another forkful.

"Round two."

"We're in a fancy restau—grm!"

She was right; the other customers on the outside deck were giving the two teenagers lots of warning glances. Pretty soon the head waiter would show up to stop them.

Like I gave a darn. Hearing every word of their conversation, Asakura cried her heart out in the bushes beside me. My eyes slipped from the laughter in the restaurant to the quiet sobs in the dark. For the life of me, I suddenly couldn't see the same Asakura Ryoko who brandished a knife at me. With her "perfect class president" disguise discarded and her cold-hearted mask ripped away, I saw the broken-hearted little girl that coexisted with both of them. Part of me wanted to pick her up and take her away from here, or close my hands over her ears, or simply reach out and comfort her while she cried.

But then, a little dark part of me danced in the rain and laughed a bitter laugh. Everything's come crashing down around you, has it? Bottom's dropped out of your happy new world? How do you think I felt when you tried to make our classroom my final resting place? You reap what you sow, monster.

As if sensing my thoughts, the alien looked up to give me a glare full of venom. Her normally flawless hair had tangled in the branches of the bush; now it lay around her face like a web. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying. Her words rasped out like a filthy curse.

"I wish I'd never tried to kill you."

She moved so fast I never saw her leave.

I lay there in the poky bush, staring at the spot she'd just occupied. Sneering angrily at myself, I rolled out onto the grass to lie on my back. What kind of scumbag looks at a crying girl and thinks like that? Asakura, how much of my thoughts did you hear? I don't mean it anymore. I'm sorry.

Then I almost laughed at myself. Sorry for what I'd thought about an attempted murderess?

Twilight had been deepening to dusk, and dusk deepened to a starry night above me. Twinkling little points started to show up against the dark.

…yeah. I wanted to throw those bitter thoughts away for good. And if there's anything I can do to fix Asakura's broken world, I'll do it. Just, not if she tries to kill me again…

"Excuse me, sir, but you and the young lady are creating a stir…"

Judgment day had come for the two teenagers in the restaurant. The head waiter even had exactly the nasal voice I'd imagine a head waiter to have. From the slack tone of his response, though, Zero didn't seem too concerned about their fate.

I shivered as the cold rose from the ground and seeped into my bones. What am I doing out here, trying to catch a cold? I rose to my feet and looked around for the way home—

"Nagato-san!" I jumped and clutched my thumping heart at the sight of her, standing right beside me. "How long have you been there?"

She neglected to answer, instead staring at me from behind her glasses. I stopped to think, and realized she'd probably been watching myself and Asakura the whole time. Her face looked as wooden as ever.

"Um, thanks for watching out for me, I guess."

"You were never in any danger."

That flat statement left me scratching my head. What did she come here for, then?

"I have been observing my backup unit closely."

Some minute element of her tone started to make me anxious. If she'd merely been observing, why had she left her post to come talk to me? I'd begun to realize, after all, that Nagato never does anything without a reason.

However, the alien didn't choose to continue right away. I waited for a few seconds, but she simply stared at me. Our dim environment made it especially difficult to try to read any emotions off her pale, smooth face. Finally, I decided to prompt her.

"…what did you find out?"

As if reluctant to say, Nagato remained silent another moment before finally answering. "Asakura Ryoko's processing errors are escalating rapidly out of control. Perhaps in connection with certain flaws in her programming, association with Megaman Zero has rendered her highly unstable."

"Nagato-san, she's just heartsick. It happens to every girl from time to time."

The bespectacled LHI returned my gaze with no detectable change in expression. "She is in a near critical state. Unless her condition stabilizes very soon, I will be forced to terminate her data link."

"Nagato-san." I crouched down to study her nearly immobile face, but there was too little light to spot her tiny expressions. Come to think of it, Asakura had almost certainly picked this lookout point with darkness in mind. "Do you really want to do that?"

"My orders come from the Integrated—"

"Yeah, yeah, your boss. But what about you? How do you feel about this?"

She returned my enquiring look with one cut out of cold marble.

"My personal inclinations are not important to the Integrated Data Sentient Entity."

I finally caught it: the tiny trace of emotion I'd been searching for. Relief and fear rushed through me. Relief, because I now knew Nagato didn't want Asakura and Zero dead any more than I did; fear, because she somehow trusted me to help her fix it. Why else would she come and make her orders known to me?

For a second I didn't want to accept the responsibility. I guess I'm a little bit of a wimp. But Asakura's secret, tender looks at Zero came back to my mind, and my heart filled with courage.

"Your boss is one cold-blooded son-of-a-gun." I stood up straight and put my hands on Nagato's shoulders.

"Don't worry. I'll do everything I can to make sure Asakura and Zero survive."

I saw the anger drain from her face, replaced by something else. She nodded one little nod and turned to walk away, leaving me standing in the cold.

A brisk breeze caught me from behind, and I hurried homewards. My brain vigorously began attacking the problem of Megaman Zero, Asakura Ryoko, and Inafune Cipher.


	7. The Love of Asakura Ryoko

What to do? I racked my brain all that night and into the next morning, trying to think of solutions. The problem was, I just had too little experience with supernatural stuff to know what options really existed, and what was just pure Hollywood fantasy. I needed to do some fact-checking with the professionals.

To my surprise, both Asakura and Inafune showed up for class the next day. More specifically, the slider was there when I arrived, and the alien android girl made her appearance just a few minutes before homeroom began. He looked up and greeted her coolly when she walked in, but she didn't so much as lift her gaze from the floor in response. Zero watched her a moment longer, then looked impassively back to his homework.

Inevitably, the whispers began. What's going on between the two of them? Did they get in a fight? Are they breaking up? Does that mean he/she's available now? What should we do? Stop joking around, people, you have no idea what's going on!

There's no stopping the uninformed, though. While Asakura's friends tried to lure her from her desk to talk to her, Taniguchi came up and leaned in way too closely on my desk to whisper way too closely in my ear.

"Looks like the Dream Duo have broken up already. Kyon, did she get tired of him? Or did he leave her for another girl? What's the deal there?"

"Leave it alone, Taniguchi. There's a lot going on between those two right now." I tried to turn him away, but this only got him more excited.

"What do you know? Is that why Asakura-san was hauling you off by the tie yesterday? Don't tell me…"

He eyeballed me from the side. Grimacing, I waved my hand as if to ward off a bad smell. "Stop joking around, there's nothing like that going on between me and Asakura-san."

"Then what's the deal? You're acting really mysterious, Kyon."

I considered that statement, and had to admit his point. However, I wasn't about to feed the rumor mill with false information, and the truth would simply blow Taniguchi's mind. I tried to think of how to satisfy him without giving anything away.

"All right, all right, everyone take your seats."

Saved by the teacher. Okabe-sensei arrived before I had to finish pondering. He tapped lightly on the blackboard with his chalkstick. "Good morning, it's time for homeroom to begin."

I spared a shrug and a smile for Taniguchi, who gave me a "this-isn't-over" warning glance before going to his seat. Once he'd gone, Haruhi leaned way up in her chair to whisper at me.

"Kyon. As our brigade specialist on Cipher, if there's anything going on with him that would interfere with club activities, it's your responsibility to take care of the problem. Don't fail me, or you'll regret it."

I sighed. "Good grief."

"What's that?"

"Nothing, don't worry about it."

Finally, even Haruhi had to shut up as Okabe brought out the material for the day.

00000

That morning, Asakura performed the best "depressed zombie" impression I'd ever seen. Unlike Haruhi's bouts with melancholy, however, the class president's mood didn't stop with her; the depression spread through the room like a plague. Our indomitable leader's sudden lapse from her cheerful role quickly brought the mood of the class to its knees.

When we guys took off to change for recess, Taniguchi and Kunikida cornered me in the hallway between classrooms. They looked more than a little upset.

"All right, Kyon, there's something seriously wrong with Asakura-san, and it's bringing everyone down. Give it up, what do you know?" The bolder of the two folded his arms and did his best "bad cop" impression.

"If you don't tell us, there's a good chance some other guys will try to beat it out of you. No one likes seeing our class president this way." Kunikida looked as worried as I've ever seen him.

Thanks, Taniguchi, for needlessly spreading around news of your sighting of Asakura with me. Now I'm really in trouble if I don't come up with a good cover story. Where's Zero when you need him?

As if by magic, the blond appeared behind my other classmates. He clapped a hand on Taniguchi and Kunikida's shoulders. "I'm going to talk to this person now."

They shot me fearful expressions and departed, leaving me in the hallway with Inafune. Folding his muscled arms, he waited for them to leave earshot before speaking. Then his "tough guy" stance suddenly evaporated.

"I think Ryoko-san is mad at me. I don't understand what's wrong, and she won't talk to me. What's going on?" He furrowed his brow and helplessly held out his hands. The blond's expression put me in mind of a Wall Street addict in panic over his portfolio.

I didn't know how to respond to this. Asakura had been in a teary rage when I saw her last, not a melancholy. From what I had experienced that night before, I expected the alien android to take Zero to task, not turn her back on him.

Now, with all that said, I still probably knew the heart of the problem. The only question was this: did I dare try to explain romance to Inafune Cipher?

"Did I do something wrong? I didn't think she'd be this mad that I tried to get out of training." He bunched his hands into fists. "What did I do wrong?"

"Ryoko thinks you're cheating on her." Pressed up against the wall, so to speak, I blurted it out in the bluntest way possible. Wow, Haruhi was right all along. I'm an idiot.

"Cheating?" Inafune gave me an absolutely mystified expression. "What rules did I cheat?"

I sighed. "Listen, it's a complicated relationship thing that has to do with guys and girls. It'll take awhile to explain."

"I got time." He folded his arms again.

I shook my head. "First, I'm going to try to get more information out of Asakura-san while we're at recess. We'll talk over lunch, all right?"

After a long moment's thought, he nodded. "Don't get yourself hurt in the meantime. There's a lot of tension in the class right now."

I blinked at his unusual powers of observation. I guess it makes sense for a fighting robot to be able to notice conflict in the air, but it was still unexpected. At any rate, I heard footsteps coming down the hall; some of the girls had already finished changing.

"Thanks, I'll be careful. Come on, let's go get in our recess clothes."

After quickly throwing on my sweats I made my way out to the field. Asakura sat on one of the benches with her head lowered, surrounded by a trio of her friends. From the one-word or no-word responses she gave them, their sensitive girl ways of extracting the truth were having little effect. Taking a deep breath, I braced myself to accelerate past the girl barrier.

"Hey, Asakura."

She looked up meekly at the sound of my voice. Her friends, however, gave me triple haughty expressions.

"Kyon, is it? Don't bother us. Ryoko's not feeling well right now."

"I don't think she wants to talk to you, so you'd better leave."

The third girl merely kept a testy silence. Dang, so much hostility. You'd think I was muscling my way up to talk to the Emperor's wife. "Look, I need to talk to Asakura-san. It's important."

"What's so important? You can say it in front of us, then."

"We don't want anyone picking on her when she's down, so this had better be good or else."

"Thank you."

The three girls looked back to their blue-haired leader, who had spoken. She regarded them each with her dreary gaze and stood.

"I'll be all right with Kyon-kun. Thank you for caring about me."

She drifted along beside me to another bench a little ways off. Her posse looked inclined to follow, but I shook my head.

"This is between Asakura-san and myself."

They looked to her again, and she nodded. Giving me wary stares, the class president's personal security detail allowed us our space.

"Asakura-san." When she had sat, I looked around to be sure we were alone. "What else happened with Zero last night? He doesn't know what he's done wrong, you know that. Why are you giving him the silent treatment?"

She kept her eyes on the bench as she talked. Her finger idly traced the lines and knots in its wooden surface. "Zero-kun had a good time with Kimidori-san. He should probably get to know her better."

What is this? Fourteen hours ago this girl wanted to rip Kimidori's head off and shove it on a pike. "I don't understand. What's with the sudden change in attitude? You're acting completely different than you were last night."

She looked up and met my gaze for the first time. Was I hallucinating, or was that actual remorse in her eyes? "I'm sorry for how I behaved then. I wanted everything to work out with Zero-kun so badly…but I had a realization."

Her eyes dropped to the bench again. I waited for a few moments, and eventually she continued.

"I realized how much I want Zero-kun to live."

She stopped there, and sniffed as if holding back tears. Dang it Asakura, don't cry out here in front of everyone! I'll never live past lunch!

Never mind, now's not the time to be thinking about myself. Or my impending death. "I don't understand. What are you trying to say?"

"Don't you see? Humans and their corrupted data streams." Asakura sniffed again. Sorry, but I don't think you're one to talk right now, missy. She continued. "You don't remember what you said yesterday?"

She raised her eyes to meet mine again. A thought suddenly came to me, like a dark shadow of comprehension, but I shook my head. No, that can't be it. Surely not.

Asakura bent down her head and spoke again in a monotone. "At this rate, my existence on Earth will soon be terminated. If I allow Zero-kun to remain involved with me, the likelihood of his participation in the ensuing battle increases exponentially. I have anticipated this outcome for some time. However…"

Her lips curved briefly in the cheerless ghost of a smile, which only served to heighten the depression on her ivory face. "I realized last night that I don't want him to throw his life away for me. The death of an organic entity finally means something to me."

I sat there for a moment, taking all that in. Now wasn't the kind of moment to ask "What?" or "Why?" even if I wanted to.

Besides, I knew exactly what she meant, and it frustrated me. After all the time and energy I'd put into thinking of ways for her and Zero to survive together, Asakura had suddenly decided to sacrifice herself in a silly attempt to protect him. Trust a high school girl to make such a romantic, caring, and utterly stupid decision.

On the other hand, Asakura had the intelligence of an alien-designed supercomputer brain to back up the decisions made by her schoolgirlish feelings. If she consistently applied herself to making Zero miserable around her, she had all the cunning and resources necessary to wreck his feelings for her; perhaps she could even sabotage her feelings for him.

Ignoring him wasn't going to be effective, but she'd think up worse treatments before long. Then again, maybe she had already thought of them, but didn't yet have the heart to completely destroy the relationship. Love is a hard thing to give up.

In that moment, I saw two paths diverge before me. On one path, I push Asakura into further quashing her mixed-up data for Zero until she meets her boss's standards for being a cold, calculating son-of-a-gun. Maybe, just maybe, the IDSE determines her successfully recovered and allows her to live for awhile longer. In the best-case scenario on that path, Asakura goes back to her life as a heartless android created for watching Haruhi, and Inafune finds a way to live without her.

Logically, this path offered Asakura, Inafune, and Nagato the highest chances of survival. Further, even if the IDSE still had her executed, Zero wouldn't be there to die with the blue-haired LHI and may not still care enough to take vengeance on her little four-eyed executioner.

On the other path, I use my influence to break down Asakura's resolve and help Zero regain his place with her. Before too long, Nagato's boss sends a serious execution squad, and the two of them fight for their life against Nagato and who knows what else. Chances of escaping their own deaths were slim to none.

I saw the two paths roll out in front of me like a dark vision. Violence and heartache lay ahead of me almost no matter what I did. But here, in this moment with Asakura, I had the power to try for one road or the other. I took a deep breath…

"No! There has to be another way, Asakura-san. There has to be a way for everyone to survive, right?" Surely there's a third choice!

"I've calculated every possible ending to this scenario several times. There is no escape." She kicked her toe into the dirt. "Even if we survive the first attempt at execution, the IDSE will simply send more agents to eliminate me."

Her despondent tone was starting to get to me. "Then why not cut a deal with your boss instead? Let's say you and Zero jump on a plane for another country on the other side of the planet. You agree to live there, thousands of miles away where the name Suzumiya Haruhi is never heard, and promise never to come back to Japan so long as you live. Won't the IDSE agree to leave you alone if you do that?"

"No. I've already made several such suggestions to the Integrated Data Sentient Entity, but all have been refused. Even thousands of miles away from the subject, it's still possible for an unstable living humanoid interface to cause significant harm." She bumped her head against my shoulder in a comfortably familiar way. "I told you, it's useless."

"It isn't possible for you to simply lose your powers so you'll be harmless?"

"Not without removing or physically altering my brain in such a way as to destroy my memories and personality."

"So you'd no longer be the same person." I rubbed my forehead, a feeling of defeat starting to settle around my shoulders. However, I refused to throw in the towel until I'd unloaded every option from my memory banks. I had come up with one last solution in the night, but it relied on a couple of huge assumptions.

"Maybe there's some way for you to escape with Zero when he slides. If you hold hands or something, won't you naturally just be swept off with him?"

"No. From what little data the IDSE has given me, combined with the knowledge obtained from Zero-kun, such a transfer requires manipulation of the original protocols governing the wormhole's operation. I put in a request for the necessary data, but with unsatisfactory results; the IDSE has only rarely encountered cross-reality sliding phenomena of this kind. In order to gain the data necessary to manipulate the parameters of an outgoing cross-reality wormhole, observation of both endpoints of one such wormhole would be necessary."

Her eyes lit with a strange light, and she looked up to a spot across the field, where Zero stood talking to Taniguchi. I almost chuckled at how ridiculous the blond looked; P.E. uniform or not, he never took off his swordbelt. Asakura stared, though whether at her subject or his weapon I couldn't tell.

"One such opportunity for observation occurred when Zero-kun's wooden saber broke during an initial training session. An extremely small closed-loop wormhole removed the pieces of the weapon from this universe, transported them through subspacial protocols, and returned them to this universe in the form of his current model. However, even observation of that event did not provide all the answers necessary to successfully manipulate the protocols of the wormhole that will remove him from this reality."

After that incomprehensible explanation, her gaze drifted back down to her feet. "If I were to observe another such shattering and reformation of the sword, I might have enough data to manipulate Zero-kun's exit wormhole and escape with him. However, breaking the weapon again would prove extremely difficult due to its data-scattering powers and the incomparable physical hardness of its current form. Besides, regardless of how certain operating parameters may be manipulated, the trigger to form the cross-reality exit wormhole is not so easily altered from our end. In order for Zero-kun's final escape wormhole to form, a person from this universe must still die at his hands."

She smiled at me. "In the end, I'm not willing to risk his life by starting a deadly conflict. So here we are."

Crickets chirped inside the great, cavernous emptiness of my skull. Asakura giggled weakly at my blank expression. "Stop it, you remind me of Zero-kun when you do that."

Her laugh right then was everything Zero ever claimed. I chuckled along with her, helpless to resist in the face of everything that had happened. She only laughed harder when I did. "You're so sweet, Kyon."

I felt her arms closing around me, and I knew in that moment I was dead.

She had to have used those alien powers. How else had she possibly scooted up so close without me noticing? Such questions came to me later, when I had long, gut-wrenching amounts of time to think about that afternoon. In that first second or two, however, terror was my first and only thought.

Even sitting that close on the bench, Asakura had to lean right onto my body to wrap her arms around my chest, setting in motion a train of events that would have been better off detonating violently at the station. My traitorous arms instinctively came up around the girl to help bear up her languid weight, drawing her even closer in the process. As her warmth seeped into my body and her apple blossom perfume overwhelmed my senses, a sick, wrong, perverted desire sprang up in my heart. She spoke gently in my ear, setting it tingling and burning as crazily as the rest of me.

"Thanks, I feel so much better now."

Asakura remained in my arms another heartbeat, then slowly disengaged from the hug. Still she remained far too close on the bench. Worst of all, thanks to my sudden surge of perversion, I hadn't even managed to be the one to break it off.

She stared at me with a tired but innocent smile, as if trying to figure out my astonished expression. Don't you understand what you've just done, Asakura? Don't you understand at all? I drew off the bench and stumbled away from her, my blood running cold.

I didn't have to look around to feel the stares of shock, the looks of revulusion. Neither did I even need to engage brain function to know how quickly those stares would turn to anger. In a high school filled with idiotic, romantically frustrated teenage boys like Taniguchi, a person named Kyon does not fall into the embrace of the most beautiful, popular, respected girl in the freshman classes and go riding off into the sunset. He is publicly lynched for his attempt at seduction, and all the more violently if the attempt succeeded. Dark is the soul of the repressed Japanese high school student.

In my numbed brain, possibilities scooted sluggishly around like undersea snails. The world around me was like some kind of haze as I felt glaring eyes of jealousy and suspicion surrounding me on every side. A mysterious, handsome, and above all incredibly muscular transfer student was one thing. But now Kyon, that weirdo that always ran around with Haruhi, had stolen the broken heart of their beloved class president? I'd never live to see another sunrise.

Amidst the haze of darkness, my gaze locked on Zero's incredible frown, fixed on me from across the field. Yes, I thought. Inafune, the perfect class president's unwitting boyfriend, right? He could save me. Either that, or kill me quickly before a mob tore me apart with its bare hands. At that point I didn't care which.

As I walked, however, my plan became clearer. I'd tell him what she said, and he'd go and reclaim her as his own, right? And then we'd work out whatever solution Asakura had been going on about. It had to work. Darn it, I'm too young to die!

"Kyon!" Taniguchi came running to intercept me. Of course he'd seen the whole thing; what else did that creep have to do with his recess but stare at me and Asakura? Intent on my target, I ignored him like a wide receiver stiffarming his blocker in American football.

Inafune watched my approach with a different expression than I've ever seen him direct at me. The great Chinese dragon of fear snaked its way out of my gut and tried to take control of my voicebox. I slowed down as I approached him and tried to talk past the lump in my throat.

"Cipher! We need to talk." Dang it, that expression scares the crap out of me. What's going through his head right now?

"I saw everything."

His voice made me think of a bull, snorting and snuffling around while it decided whether or not to charge. I'd never survive the first ten seconds if he did. "I don't understand what's happening."

"Cipher, she's not angry, she's been trying to protect you." I stopped in front of him, breathing hard.

"I feel…angry." He stared at me, blinking, and called me by my given name. My comment passed over his head completely unnoticed. "What's going on?"

With great effort, I mentally switched gears. However crazy she gets, talking to Asakura means talking to a logical creature. I don't know what Zero is like in other universes, but in this one he has some serious emotional issues. These clearly took priority over the big picture at the moment. "That anger…that's, uh, a very special feeling you only get when you, uh, really, really care about someone."

"It makes me want to hit you. Really hard." The bull snorted a little more aggressively. Time to get to business.

"I know, I know. That's a natural reaction, but NODON'TDOIT!"

He stopped and glared at me, fist cocked. "Then what do I do!"

"You have to go and talk to her about it NONOTYET!"

Inafune whirled back around and I crouched away from him in base, animal fear. I maintain that no human could have faced down that monster right then.

As I fell to the ground, Zero's nostrils flared and he stalked on up to me. "What do I do?"

"Get back in control!" I yelled back at him. "Get back in control, don't just let yourself go like this!"

His jaw clenched and unclenched. Slowly, ever so slowly, his muscles began to relax. Unfortunately, by this point a crowd had begun to form.

Stupid high school students. Like the most ineffective antibodies in the world, they swarm around any kind of conflict in sight and egg it on just by watching. Worse, once the students start to gather the teachers immediately get the signal to interfere. We had maybe ninety seconds to wrap this up before people got dragged off to the principal's office.

Inafune ignored the growing crowd and breathed in deep, again and again. As his fists unclenched, I realized he had defeated the monster.

"All right. I'm back in control. Now what?"

"Help me up. We've got to get out of here." I held up my hand for him to take. I don't care how sissy I looked, it needed to be done that way. Inafune grabbed my hand in his metal one (seriously, you'd think someone would eventually notice) and hauled me to my feet. Together, we broke through the ring of spectators and headed for the school building.

For the moment Zero didn't ask me any more questions. We passed Okabe-sensei on his way out with another teacher, headed for the rapidly dissipating crowd. I wanted to pat myself on the back for quick thinking, but the next few seconds took all my focus.

Asakura had left her place on the bench. Her trio of friends had gone, too, and who knows what they thought of me now.

"She's running." Zero noticed the class president's disappearance as well. He shook his head. "Ryoko's running from me. Why?"

"She's trying to protect you by pushing you away." Entering the doors, we headed for the stairs to the classroom where we guys change for recess and P.E.

"Why did she hug you at the end? And why did I react that way? Taniguchi even tried to distract me, but it didn't work. Why?"

Wow, I felt really good about that guy for a second. Acually sticking his neck out for me for once? I decided to take a moment and thank Taniguchi later, assuming I survived.

Right then, however, I had this clueless person to deal with. I decided he'd been ignorant of everything for long enough. My words came out low and thick with emotion.

"Asakura's in love with you, Cipher. You gave her a heart and broke it right down the center by cheating on her."

He stopped on the stairs, gaze stuck to the steps in front of him. "What does that mean?"

Once again, the blond looked to me for answers. Someday, sometime, people are going to have to stop looking at me for the answers because I won't have them anymore.

"She saw you go out to dinner with Kimidori-san. And since last night, she's been trying to push you away so you won't get involved when their boss sends Nagato to kill her."

"Kill her?" His hand dropped to his sword, and he tensed to spring.

I hesitated for a moment, wondering if I'd gone too far. As if in response, an image of Asakura's wretched melancholy surfaced in my brain, and I decided to let Zero have the full, brutal truth. For his sake I tried to hold back the bitterness of it all. Do you think I succeeded?

"Asakura's going to be executed because she fell in love with you, Zero. She played you from the beginning, but it blew up in her face. Now you're all she can think about. I'm pretty sure she only wanted to hold me like that because I reminded her of you."

He looked up at me as if I'd personally taken a sledgehammer and dashed his world to pieces. Relentless, I pushed on to the very end. "Since no one's spelled it out for you yet, I will. You're in love with her too, that's why you were so jealous when you saw me with her. You'll never be happy again without her in your life."

The doors to the outside opened behind us. I turned and started up the stairs again, determined not to be caught and thrown in detention for fighting. I think the evidence shows that I had enough problems to deal with as it was.

It wasn't until thirty seconds later that I thought about Nagato.

00000

You left me on the stairs as the teachers closed in. My nanobots' intertial dampening field kicked on and I moved off too fast for their human reflexes to track the motion.

On the other side of the school, I slowed down to a normal human's walking pace. Those words of yours repeated in my mind over and over again. Meanings started to click into place, and I finally had names for the monsters living inside me. Love, played, jealousy, happy, broken heart …execution. I wasn't built for all this!

"Task overload." I leaned against the wall, my head spinning. "Ryoko, what am I supposed to feel? What am I supposed to do?"

I turned and punched through the wall, but it was like pushing my fist through paper. Still the emotions swirled all around, each one giving a different command. Too many to process all at once. So many voices. How do you humans live like this? How do you escape?

In a flash of darkness, I was gone from your terrifying universe.

Robotic claws gripped me by the throat, lifting my metal frame far above the ground. I stared into glowing red eyes set in a chill iron caricature of a face. All around us, the autofactory continued with the grumblings, grindings, screechings, hummings, and whirrings of its robot-monitored processes.

Robots making robots. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I grabbed the other machine's crudely formed wrist for leverage and kicked straight out with both heavy titanium legs. Metal legware crunched heavily into weaker metal face, and the monstrous security robot reeled backwards.

Heavy, clanking footsteps approached us from across the factory floor, and my partner shouted out to warn me of incoming enemies. In one swift movement my laser sword flashed from its sheath and through the arm that held my throat. Naked black metal crashed to the floor, twitching and spraying fluids.

I fell from the air into a graceful roll as the security 'bot's chest-mounted laser cannon misfired, melting a hole straight through one its charging comrades. Staggering, the metal monstrosity broke ranks to blast its former ally's broken CPU to slag.

However, that left seven other big black 'bots with laser cannons backed by a couple of smaller, more humanoid units with P-90 assault rifles. The mechanical security team targeted me with every weapon available and unleashed a rain of stinging death.

Unfortunately for them, I had already rolled to my feet. I zigzagged easily around the poorly aimed weapons fire, golden synthetic hair whipping around like a taunt for the foolish. My laser-enhanced blade waited at the ready, practically vibrating with the whining of its stored energy.

"Zero, you all right?" A high-pitched tenor caught my attention over the gunshots. The air screamed as a huge blast of plasma rendered another couple of robots to their component parts. My attention being focused on my own enemies, however, I didn't answer the tenor's question right away.

Time slowed down and I skittered around the oncoming squad. Unable to follow my sudden burst of speed, they scarcely resisted as I dashed from a new angle into their ranks. My sword sang its searing siren song, slashing sadistic through sauter, seals and sizzling steel. Appearing on the other side of the attacking force, I grinned.

"Same as ever!"

Explosions rocked the former squad of 'bots. I whirled and deflected a few of the larger pieces of shrapnel, grimacing as smaller flecks and pips of slag speckled my crimson armor plating. In the background, I heard X pepper another another enemy with plasma fire.

"Good! Let's go find the humans in this universe!"

"You got it." Pistons in my legs surged with power, and I backflipped up and over one last stray black 'bot as it fired off its laser cannon at me. My laser sword hummed once as I sailed through the air.

As I hit the ground running on the other side, the machine behind me crumpled to the ground. Not many robots stay upright when their CPU is in their head and their head is cut in half.

X tore apart his last enemy with a volley of plasma bursts. We ran in the direction of some stairs that led up to the second story. As we ran, I glanced back at the smoking remnants of the machines who'd tried to bring us down.

Most of our enemies had been those big, hulking security robots, with their glowing red eyes and stupidly exposed black machinery. There'd been only a few of the smaller units, designed with synthetic skin and actual cloth uniforms. Overseers?

Never mind. They hadn't stood a chance against the Blue Bomber and the Red Ripper. My tough crimson armor was barely scratched, and X looked fine too. We flew up the stairs four at a time.

A door at the top blocked our way from the exposed metal staircase to the next level of the building. X raised one heavy, blue-armored mechanical leg and kicked the door off its hinges.

Weapons at the ready, we quick-stepped down the hallway beyond. Office doors lined either side of the hall, all closed. X and I exchanged looks and simultaneously broke down one door each.

"Freeze!"

"Raise 'em high!"

We wasted our kick-butt battle cries on empty, neatly ordered offices. Tireless, we ran to the next set of doors, and the next, but all I got to abuse was the doors.

"Nothing." I bashed open another door, glanced in, and ran to where the hallway hit a T.

"This is weird. I'm sure I saw daylight coming in the windows on the factory floor." X took down his last door and joined me at the corner. We each whirled around to take a branch of the hallway. After a moment, he lowered his weapon with a frown. "Nothing. No humans anywhere. Why are they all gone in the middle of the day?"

My audio receptors picked up the whine of servomotors somewhere up ahead. "Company."

X had already started charging his arm-mounted plasma cannon. he gestured down his branch of hallway. "Let's try down this direction."

Farther away from the enemies. Typical of X. I led the way, laser sword at the ready, while the blue bomber ran backwards behind me to keep an eye out for the robots we'd heard. Abruptly, my nose twitched as its chemical receptors picked up a new scent.

"Ugh. Smells like a slaughterhouse down here."

We abruptly stopped running and looked at each other. My CPU gave birth to a tiny, dark, angry feeling. It grew and grew as we ran farther down the hall and the scent grew stronger.

X and I burst down door after door in this hallway too, but found nothing worth finding. More offices and a few conference rooms. When we came to the last door, the stink of dead things filled the air.

Standing before the blank wooden portal, I grimaced. X dropped into a kneeling position, weapon charged and trained on the other end of the hallway. "I'll cover you. See what's in there."

"We both know." I growled low in my synthetic throat, my dark feeling growing. Faint shuffling noises came from beyond the door. I rushed it with my shoulder and broke straight through into the room beyond.

Robots don't have many feelings. It takes a lot to set us off.

Neatly stacked rows of slaughtered humans filled the conference room, their corpses just beginning to decompose. I heard the ragged breathing of a survivor hiding behind the U-shaped table in the center of the room.

Storming into the carnage, I reached down and grabbed the scrabbling human by the front of his lab coat. Eyes dark and sallow, he whined and clawed to get away from my unbreakable grip.

"Where's the man responsible for this!" I roared the question in his face, rage pouring from every processor. "Where is he!"

Weapons fire sounded from the hallway. I turned my head to see X releasing a screeching plasma storm of hurt back the way we'd come. Without looking away from his targets, the blue bomber directed a yell at me. "Don't hurt him, Zero, it's not his fault!"

I looked back to the survivor, my circulatory system pounding with wrath.

Nagato Yuki gazed expressionlessly back at me, her dark eyes staring into mine. Her little body dangled by my grip around her throat while the tip of my laser sword hovered an inch from her face. I roared my question again.

"Where is he!"

X's voice blared again from the hallway, louder than before. "Don't hurt her, it's not her fault!"

My sword hand shivered uncontrollably, so that the tip of the blade shook erratically in front of Nagato's eyes. She regarded me with that same blank expression as my fingers tightened into a death grip. Robotic rage still coursed through me, demanding outlet. Demanding a target.

"Stop it, Zero!"

"Why should I?"

I waited for X's response, gritting my teeth and straining every nerve not to run the alien through. But there was nothing, only the sound of my blood pumping in my ears. The silence of the near-empty clubroom closed in like a tomb.

Still the alien android did nothing. Her book lay on askew on the floor, her chair thrown to one side, her glasses tipped weirdly on her face. My grip on her throat loosened as post-flashback torpor settled over my body.

"Why? Why are you going to kill her?" Rage dying slowly from my face, my words quivered only a little.

"This."

She uttered one word and resumed her impassive stare. My grip weakened further, and I let her slide down the wall until her feet hit the floor.

"What? This what? This sword, this clubroom, this what?"

"This."

I glared helplessly down at her, my joints trying to crumble beneath me. Why had I come here? Why fight Nagato? Waiting for orders, just another humanoid robot. This. What? This.

My nerveless fingers lost their grip on the sword, and the weapon dropped to the ground. The clatter it made seemed to go on for a long time. While the noise echoed through the little room, everything finally came together, and I understood. This.

"Robots out of control." I let myself fall back against the table, sliding slowly into a sitting position. "You're going to retire Asakura because she's broken out of her programming. Dangerous, out of control, just like me."

Looking down at me, the girl-shaped alien nodded once. My fingers had left dark red marks on her slender white throat, as if the pressure of the stranglehold had broken every capillary under her skin. I put my head in my hands.

"I'm sorry."

When I looked up again, the LHI had gone. My stomach churned with bile and I tried not to throw up. Trembling with nausea, I reached sluggishly for my sword.

"I'm sorry, X. I messed up bad this time."

The Blue Bomber patted me on the shoulder. I heard his voice in my ear. "It's going to be all right, Zero. Whatever happens, don't ever give up."

I sheathed my weapon and forced a laugh. "Come on, X. I don't give up 'til I'm dead."

He steadied my arms as I got up on shaky feet. "That's what I'm afraid of."

"Hah." I chuckled and flicked my ponytail out of my face. "It's good to have you back, anyway. I was losing it for a while there."

My old partner rolled his eyes. "Zero, I don't think you ever had it to begin with."


	8. The Amours of Megaman Zero

**Chapter 8: The Amours of Megaman Zero**

I put down my chopsticks as he came to the climax of his story, my gut roiling. Zero's voice quieted as he detailed the part from the roomful of bodies to the marks his fingers left on Nagato's throat. His head bowed in shame, he moved on tersely through his apology to her.

Then an expression of victory crossed his eyes. He started talking about this X person, and I started to wonder just how far over the edge his mind had gone. In fact, I started counting up the inconsistencies in Inafune's behavior.

One: feeling human emotions almost immediately after going through one of his robotic flashbacks. His apology to Nagato was only a possible reaction if he had a healthy dose of human feelings at that point. How had Inafune recovered his human emotional reactions so quickly from the most violent memory-vision yet?

Two: how the flashback started in the first place. Other times he'd had this problem, it happened while his nanobots were repairing him or while Asakura was making him recount past universes. This time, it happened in the middle of a mess of confusion over his human emotions. Did his brain just short out from all the complications of living as a human? Was he trying to escape?

Three: his banter with X. Even on a good day, the Zero I'd seen so far never, ever joked around. He was either too clueless or too serious-minded to even attempt humor. Only in the one instance where Kimidori reminded him of X have I ever even seen Inafune laugh. Once he started hallucinating that his old buddy was around again, however, his whole attitude changed.

Come to think of it, X was involved in the first two inconsistencies too. X's voice had told him Nagato didn't deserve to be hurt, and X had been in the flashback that let Zero escape his confused human emotions. I was starting to think that, whatever Zero said, his emotional issues were a lot more complicated than being a robot or being human or letting his nanobots rebuild his body. From what he'd said, the blond acted more human as a robot with X than as a human without him.

I had a few other good, pointed questions to ask Zero about his story, but I didn't get the chance right then. We hadn't gone to the cafeteria today, since both of us had a packed lunch, but that didn't stop Inafune's new love interest from finding him. Kimidori Emiri appeared at the door of the classroom with a timidsmile**.**

Zero looked up a moment before she arrived. When I followed his gaze to the doorframe, we saw the green-haired senpai step into view from the hallway. She wore her usual meek expression and carried a packed lunch with her.

Kimidori's eyes scanned the room and immediately locked gazes with her target. Smiling elegantly, she closed in for combat, powering up all weapons.

"Cipher-kun…would you be terribly inconvenienced if I ate lunch with you today?"

He shrugged and opened his lunchbox., shields at maximum. Kimidori's forehead wrinkled elegantly with confusion as she looked to me. What do you want me to do, give you the secret weapon to use against him? It's not like I'm going to help you bring him down. However, I had a few questions to clear up with this girl, so I gestured to an empty chair.

"There's a seat for you, Kimidori-san. I've been trying to talk to Cipher here, but he won't tell me anything. I think he must be sick."

The soft-spoken girl put a hand to her mouth in horror and immediately sat down. "Cipher-kun, what's wrong? How do you feel?"

He shrugged. You're going to keep shrugging until she's gone, aren't you?

Zero shrugged again. Stop joking around, no one even asked any questions!

I sighed. What a day. "All he'd say is that he thought he made some kind of huge mistake recently." I put another ball of rice in my mouth.

Kimidori looked from myself to Inafune with a confused expression. He didn't respond, so I took his place by shrugging. "Any ideas?"

"Cipher-kun…was it something that happened last night?"

She had directed her question at the slider, who never bothered to look up. Our guest looked away and fidgeted with the lapel of her sailor uniform. "Well, at least you're eating well, so it can't be that the dinner at that fancy restaurant made you sick."

"Fancy restaurant? That's right, he didn't tell me how dinner went. But I thought you and your friends were going to serve him a homemade meal?" I scooped up a stray sliver of fish.

"Oh, we were. But all the other girls had to back out for one reason or another. It was very strange, especially when they seemed so excited to help out." Kimidori appeared to notice she was tugging on her uniform and forced herself to stop fidgeting. She tried a little harder to look me in the eye as she spoke. "My parents were out of town too, and it didn't feel quite proper to bring him over to my house all alone, so we decided to go out to eat instead. I knew of a good restaurant not too far from where we live, but…"

She blushed and looked to Zero again. "Cipher-kun, you don't regret going to the restaurant, do you? I'm sorry about what happened, I never should've ordered soup with the dinner."

He met her eyes for once and shrugged. I nodded at his response.

"That must not be it. What else happened that night?"

As if helpless to stop, she started fiddling with the lapel of her uniform again. "Hmm…before dinner we went to the park for a while to kill time, because…" She paused. "I don't really know why, but Cipher-kun called and said he didn't have anything to do until dinner anyway, so we went for a walk together."

I nodded again. My chopsticks hunted down a few remaining grains of rice. "That sounds like a normal thing to do, and the weather was nice yesterday. I'm curious, though, If it's not too personal, what happened with the soup that makes you so nervous?"

Kimidori's blush returned in greater force. "Um…I'm not sure I fully understand it all myself…"

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Zero had already almost finished his lunch. Time to wrap this up. "Hmm. You didn't mess up the date, did you, Cipher? I can see why you'd have regrets if you struck out with Kimidori-san."

He met my eyes with a glimmering blue glare. My eyes trailed down to his bento box.

"That's right. I've been meaning to ask, who made you that lunch?"

The glare intensified for a second. While Kimidori had her eyes on the blond, I winked an eye at him and smiled. His expression transformed; it was like watching a glacier crumble apart when a it tries to plug an erupting volcano. I nodded encouragement as his next words came to his lips.

"Ryoko-san." His eyes widened.

Zero stood up from his chair fast enough to send it careening back on two legs, only to straighten up again with a clatter. By that time, however, the blond had disappeared from the room. Kimidori's head snapped around inhumanly quickly to watch him go. You sure are observing him closely, aren't you, senpai?

When he'd gone, the green-haired girl turned to me with the kind of bewildered expression Bambi probably wore after they shot his mother. If she wasn't so darn meek, I think she'd have already run from the room in tears. As for me, I laid down my chopsticks.

"I don't have a lot of patience for people like you." I spoke quietly, but everyone else's conversations had momentarily paused with Inafune's sudden departure. I could almost hear the noise of every eardrum straining to catch my words.

"Wha-what do you mean? I didn't make him angry!" Her whisper carried a desperate note of passion. Now the girl had started to tear up, just a little. I looked at her with a heart of stone.

"No. You just took advantage of his ignorance when you knew what Asakura-san thought of him."

Her breath caught in her throat. "I never meant it to be a date—"

"Bullcrap. Every single one of the other girls had to cancel? Then you go for a walk before dinner and take him out to the fanciest restaurant in town? What do you think, we're all morons around here?"

"And what about you! Getting all close to Asakura right in front of him!" She leapt up from her chair and planted a finger in my chest. "What, did she agree to be your girlfriend to get back at Cipher-kun? Is that the game you're playing with him? It won't work!"

Kimidori was full of surprises; laughing and trying to spoon-feed her date the night before, and now striking back in the face of my determined assault. Staring at the agonized expression so realistically contorting her face, I almost faltered. Was I willing to go through with this? What if I was wrong?

Then I caught on to the bitter irony of the situation. Maybe, if Asakura's nanobots had really done their job last night, Kimidori still didn't know how much I knew. I dropped the bombshell.

"I had to comfort Asakura-san because she'd seen your little escapade with Cipher firsthand, Kimidori-san. After everything she saw—everything she knows—she decided to give him up so he could be happy with you, here, after she leaves." My eyes narrowed, and I leaned farther back in my chair. "But no matter what happens, you'll never get him now. He's leaving here with her one way or the other, so you can tell your boss to call it off."

My opponent's expression flickered to a killer's mask for one split second before reverting to the hurt, confused schoolgirl. Too late, Kimidori. If you wanted to keep up your meek disguise, you should've left this room a lot sooner. I don't need any more proof than this to expose you to Zero.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean by all that. I'm going to go see if Cipher-kun is all right."

Kimidori picked up her lunch and took off without another word. After a long, tense moment of thought, I looked around at the classroom. Taniguchi and Kunikida sat in their corner, staring at me openmouthed. Their attitudes were typical of everyone else's. I, Kyon, had just verbally beaten down a respected second-year girl right in front of them, all but calling her a homewrecking tramp to her face.

I swallowed. If they only knew what I had really just done. I had started to suspect Kimidori's true nature back when I saw how she interacted with Zero on their date; now I knew for sure what Asakura had meant when she cried, "She'll replace me." It was only logical: with the slider's hostess doomed for execution, their boss wanted another agent ready to take up the job of studying him. And even in the face of that knowledge, Asakura had made the choice to let Kimidori have her way.

I'm sorry, Asakura. I can't let it end like that. Call it mixed-up data or whatever you want, but I'd rather commit seppuku than let the IDSE take your Zero from you now.

"Well, I guess I'll be off too." I announced this casually to the air and walked out. As expected, Kimidori was nowhere to be seen in the hallway.

Heaving a sigh, I turned in the direction of Nagato's classroom with heavy heart. I at least had to apologize to her after everything that happened. Whatever the situation between her, Asakura-san, and Zero, I cared about the little four-eyed alien android, and my words to Zero had nearly gotten her killed.

00000

I appeared at the door to the cafeteria within seconds. Ryoko sat at a table with her friends, weakly attempting to smile and talk along with them. When she caught sight of me heading for her table, her expression changed and she wrenched her attention away from me.

I hesitated, suddenly uncertain, but a familiar tenor voice spoke from behind me. "You're not backing out now, are you, Zero?"

That's X for you. I smirked.

"I never back down."

My cocky strides brought me past Ryoko's table in no time. Her friends turned and glared at me, but I kept on walking as if to make my way to the next table.

Until, suddenly, my foot tripped on nothing much and I slammed face first into the floor. I heard the feet of Ryoko's chair scrape on the floor as she rose from her seat. Donning a dazed expression, I rolled over to rest on my elbows, looking up at the girl from my place on the floor.

"I guess I fell for you after all."

Her mouth turned into a little "o" of surprise. I winked.

"Never saw that one coming, huh?"

A long moment of tense silence passed in the cafeteria. Ryoko leaned back on the table, her expression hard to read. I rolled onto my upper back, tucking my knees up to my chest, and vaulted straight from there to my feet. In another fluid movement I caught Ryoko and bent her back over my arm. Her eyebrows lifted in utter shock before I stooped down to whisper in her ear.

"Emiri's cute and all, but she can't even compare to you, Ryoko-chan. Sorry for making you worry." And I kissed her.

Soft and warm…too bad it only lasted for a second. Amidst hoots and cheers from the watching crowd, the girl-shaped alien broke it off and brought her hand back for an attack.

Slap! And it stung like the dickens. With her face scrunched up in a scowl, the girl's voice came out in a deadly murmur. "How dare you think you can make it all better, just like that!"

Huh. I had thought she'd be happier at my sudden recovery, or at least a little more surprised. I haven't been myself since I lost X a few slides back. Having him gone made me realize one simple fact: there's nothing like having an old friend to back you up in an alien universe. With X around, there's nothing in the world I can't do.

Ryoko wriggled to get free, so I let her up to her feet. Her eyes burned with resentment and her muscles tensed for a fight, but I gave her a soft look in response.

"Are you saying it didn't work?"

She put her hands on her hips. "We're in the middle of the school cafeteria, you idiot!"

"That can be changed."

"You're impossible!"

"Guess that's why I need you to take care of me."

X laughed his head off somewhere in the background. I ignored him and the noise of the unruly crowd, along with the rising tide of indignation from Asakura and friends. With a Western-style bow, I shifted my stance in preparation to retreat for the moment.

"Catch you later, Ryoko-chan." I sprang away too fast for humans to track. Kimidori arrived through the cafeteria doors in time to feel a gust as I rushed on by.

00000

Good grief. I was the one who provoked him into going after her again, and I'm still amazed. Can't that guy do anything normal?

Aside from the detailed version he told me later, I heard all about Zero's exploits from Haruhi after I left Nagato's classroom. She collared me where she found me in the hall and talked at me for a while.

"Seriously, what is wrong with that guy!" Haruhi waved her free arm and shook me around with the other. "I mean, it's one thing to go around acting all tough, but now he's ruining the good name of the S.O.S. Brigade!"

"Stop joking around! Since when have you cared about a good reputation?"

It's not like we had one to begin with. Besides, I was far too busy feeling grateful to complain about Inafune's romantic adventure. Forgive me my selfish desire for personal safety, but I enjoyed having a halfway normal life expectancy again, free from the wrath of my jealous classmates. After Zero's daring deed at lunch I didn't think anyone was going to complain about me getting a hug at recess.

"I'm not joking around here! You've got to get that guy under control or there's going to be big trouble!"

I narrowed my eyes at her. I'd been looking through a lot of disguises lately, thanks to all the alien androids running around. Looking under the surface, it didn't seem natural for Haruhi to get so upset over an unusual event like this; since when does she try to protect the status quo? Is she really angry about the impact on the brigade, or is this just a front to cover up her gut reaction?

In the face of my calculating stare, Haruhi's rant shifted momentum. I thought I saw a shadow of discomfort pass over her angry visage. "What are you staring at?"

I decided to take a stab in the dark. Heck, why not? "What if it were you instead of Asakura-san?"

Haruhi let go of my collar and backed off a step, turning a wary expression on me. "What are you talking about?"

What had I seen in her eyes before they hardened again? Fear? Anticipation? I shrugged, copying Koizumi for a second. "Oh, nothing much. Just a little joke, ha ha."

"Then go get some better jokes!" Haruhi turned her back and took off in a huff.

If you're wondering, no, I don't think anyone ever told Haruhi about my argument with Kimidori. Strangely, I didn't catch any flak from anybody about that one; it's as if the weirdness meter had climbed too high for the day and rolled over to zero again. Either that, or I'd said something to get me some respect for once.

The rest of the day passed more or less without incident, aside from Zero getting hauled to the principal's office for a scolding. Apparently the administration didn't want their school to be known for students having public displays of affection in the cafeteria. From what he told me later, they gave him a lot of warnings and told him to tone it down, but didn't actually impose any real punishment. I personally suspected intimidation on the part of the slider.

Regardless, after school our strange association met once again. Inafune must have arrived well before me, because by the time I opened the club room door Haruhi was already red in the face from browbeating him.

Wait a second. Haruhi, red in the face from laying down the law? I don't think that's possible. She has far too much energy to get flushed from such a simple exercise. I looked around the rest of the room.

Nagato sat unmoved in her usual corner, Asahina cowered by the teapot with her eyes wide and fearful, and Haruhi stood glaring at her tall, blond opponent. Whatever they'd been saying, her face was red as a beet. On the other hand, Inafune had an eyebrow cocked but no other sign of emotion. When I stepped in, Haruhi glanced at me with that funny look I'd seen earlier, a look that almost made her seem…vulnerable. It gave me the weirdest feeling to see her that way. I barely noticed in comparison, but Asahina was staring at me too.

The moment passed quickly. Our fearless leader promptly ordered myself and Inafune to drag the tables out to make room to spread the mats. We both obeyed her without complaint.

"And don't come back in until we're done changing!" She slammed the door behind us.

Good grief. As if we were even stupid enough to try. Right?

I glanced sidelong at the slider. He tossed me a wink.

Never mind. I didn't want to know. And, in the end, I never did ask him what he'd said to get Haruhi so flustered.

About an hour of workout later, Haruhi dismissed us for the day. Our training session had gone much more peacefully than yesterday's. Inafune treated Nagato with super-soft, apologetic kid gloves, and for her part, she didn't seem tense at all. Of course, the bruises had long since healed.

While Haruhi still interfered a little with the training program, she treated the martial arts master's professional opinion with a lot more respect than she had the day before. No one mentioned any of the unusual events of earlier that day. Even when Asakura showed up at the end of the training session to collect her friend, all Haruhi did was turn away and look uncomfortable.

Nagato's reaction, however, caught my eye. When the blue-haired LHI appeared at the door, she looked up from her one-sided match with Asahina-san to stare. Zero, still in his dogi like the rest of us, stopped sparring with Haruhi and regarded his alien hostess with a blank expression. A look passed between them.

Wordlessly, Inafune gathered up his things and walked over to join her, nodding in greeting. Asakura smiled politely, returned his nod, and let him start down the hallway without her.

By this time Haruhi had started unwrapping her hands, her face drawn in a scowl. Only myself, Asahina-san, and Koizumi saw the different sort of look that passed between Nagato and her rogue backup unit. I'm not sure I can describe it; I think those two communicated a lot more without words than normal humans can with them. At the end of it, Asakura flinched as if she'd been struck. She nodded once and left.

00000

Ryoko waited patiently outside the bathroom for me while I changed. That done, I emerged and we left the school together.

For the first few minutes, I waited for her to begin the conversation. X wasn't with us, having left me to my own fight for now. I was always better with the ladies anyway. (Quiet, you, I'm telling this guy a story. Go rescue a kitten from a tree or something.)

Like I said, I waited for a few minutes, but nothing came from Ryoko's mouth. She had her head down the whole time like it was someone's funeral. Once we had fetched our outside shoes and everything, we started on our long way down the hill. I finally got sick of it and threw my arm around her shoulders.

"Listen, Ryoko-chan, I know what you've been trying to do. It'll never work."

"You don't understand anything."

I sighed. "I know you want to protect me—"

"I don't simply want to protect you. I need you to live no matter what. That's the difference between a person like me and a person like you."

She had her shoulders hunched over and her arms folded. I took the big, fat hint and dropped my arm from around her.

"I'm sorry, that didn't make any sense. What's the difference?"

Ryoko sighed. "Zero-kun, have you ever failed?"

"Failed?"

"Has anyone you tried to protect ever died?"

"Yeah." I nodded, trying not to think about it too hard. "Probably lots of times."

"Then you must not have cared about them like I care about you."

I shook my head. "What?"

Her voice had turned hard. "If you did, you'd never have survived losing them."

My breath caught in my throat.

"Ryoko-chan, don't be crazy. You can't win every time. I don't care how good you are, there's no way to save everyone."

She turned on me. "I never implied such a thing. However, the fact remains that you have successfully endured the deaths of many others like myself without losing health or sanity. I have not, and without a doubt will prove unable to survive your death. That is why I do not want you to die; the pain would be far too great for me to bear. The pain of my own termination cannot possibly prove equal to the pain I anticipate in the event of yours."

Her eyes fixed on mine, and her voice calmed. Her countenance even cheered up a bit. "The only rational choice for either of us is for you to survive. My pain will be minimized and you will fully heal in the time it takes for you to forget all the memories of this universe."

Ryoko closed her monologue with the faintest smile, a soft look in her eyes. "Zero-kun…don't make that face, you're too cute when you're confus—oom!"

Hey, I know an opening when I see one. Ryoko stopped using her lips 'cause I was busy with 'em.

"Mmmg—mmn! Mgh! Zero-kun, we're in public!"

"Hmm, you're right. Let's give—ouch, X, that hurt! I thought you were leaving this to me!"

"I was, until your mouth started getting dirty. She's a lady, Zero."

Leave it to the Blue Bomber to interrupt a good joke. Anyway, Ryoko started to get that look in her eyes again, so I left a kiss on her forehead to keep her happy and shifted my hold on her so we could walk. "Come on, Ryoko-chan. Never mind X, he's a necessary evil to keep me in line."

She let me pull her along at my side, my left arm down around her waist. I glanced down at her and smiled. Ryoko never does get tired of looking at me.

"Every time I think I understand you, Zero-kun…" She sighed. "You're not going to leave me alone no matter what I do, are you?"

"Nope. Sorry. I care too much to let you go." I put my free hand to my head in the shape of a gun. "Bang. You can't get rid of me without pulling the trigger."

Her shoulders slumped. I shook her a little. "Hey there, don't be sad. We've both had a good run, right? And we're not gonna waste a moment of what we've got. Whoah, now what?"

Ryoko had flinched back from that last comment as if she'd been struck. "It's nothing. No, of course we'll use every instant."

She changed the subject and I never got her to explain that little reaction of hers. What in the world made her so intense all the sudden?

00000

I was left looking at Nagato for a moment. Her hair blew softly in the rare breeze through the window, and I wondered—

What did you tell her, Nagato?

And what makes it so important to you?

00000

Then again, if I never know the answer, that's just fine too.

I blew gently in Ryoko's ear, and she broke away to rub it with a giggle. Then she started laughing at the grin on my face, and I started laughing because she was laughing. In the end, I can only hope whatever afterlife I get will be half as good as her.

0?0?0

Oh, did you want to know what Nagato said to me? Very well. However, Kyon-kun, you must never tell her I told you. It'll be our secret. Will you pinky swear with me?

Good. It relieves me so much to talk to you about these things, Kyon-kun.

As Zero-kun walked down the hallway to go change, Nagato beamed me a stream of data encoded into a low-amplitude microwave beam. I responded in kind, and over a few seconds we exchanged an entire conversation in this fashion. I'll translate the discussion into Japanese as closely as possible. As I said, Nagato opened the dialogue:

"Asakura Ryoko."

"I am listening. What do you wish to communicate, Nagato Yuki?"

"Your behavior will not go unreconciled by the Integrated Data Sentient Entity. Your termination will take place within the next seventy-four hours and eighteen minutes."

"I am aware of the general timeframe. Is that all?"

She paused for a microsecond before continuing her transmission. "Seventy-four hours in your circumstances is sufficient time for a large amount of detailed study."

"I hope you're not suggesting I'm capable of learning all there is to know about him in that short period of time. Zero-kun is not like any other phenomena in this universe, Nagato Yuki. There is no being like him."

"Perhaps not all study is conducted for the purpose of gaining information."

This time I paused, unsure of how to interpret her meaning. Nagato continued.

"This period of study you have encountered is a unique circumstance. Do not waste what you are given."

I finally caught on. Unfortunately, that form of communication proved totally incapable of transmitting the feelings I wished to covey in response. I settled for a question.

"Does my experience have to be so unique?"

Her face remained forcibly expressionless, but the intensity of the other LHI's microwave beam jump to agonizing levels. Perhaps she meant to convey the intensity of her statement; or, perhaps it satisfied the mixed-up data in Nagato's processing to bring the water in the surface of my skin to a boil. Regardless, I flinched away to protect myself as her message struck home.

Kyon-kun, you have begun to notice the external signs of Nagato's processing errors. Those errors already go far deeper than you imagine. Without a backup unit to stop her, and standing so close to the mystery known as Suzumiya Haruhi, I predict that one day Nagato Yuki will step farther across the line than I have ever dared to do.

At that time, you may be the only one capable of preventing the destruction of the Integrated Data Sentient Entity and the permanent alteration of your universe. Although, perhaps by the time the option becomes available, you will not wish to protect the universe you have known.

This was Nagato's last message to me:

"Those who die for the ones they love can no longer protect them, Asakura Ryoko.

"Do not waste a single moment of your time with Megaman Zero. That is all."


	9. The Embrace of Nagato Yuki

_A/N: Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated._

_For your information, _"_oden" is a type of Japanese soup. It's comparatively easy to prepare in large amounts._

_Also, by the way, you all owe MungoJerry big for beta-reading this chapter. However, if you dare flame her for my thematic choices, I will eat you like Kirby._

_Enjoy the last chapter of this, my unprecedented Megaman/Haruhi crossover fiction._

00000

00000

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**Chapter Nine: The Calculations of Nagato Yuki**

The next day was Sunday, and I looked forward to sleeping in. Unfortunately, it was not to be. My phone woke me at the rude hour of 7:30 in the morning, bringing me to wrestle my way out of bed to answer it.

"…Hello?"

"Good morning, Kyon-kun. How are you feeling?"

Asakura? She sounded awfully chipper. "What the heck do you want this early in the morning?"

"Oh, nothing much. Zero-kun and I want to play a few games together, but we need more participants. Would you mind calling Suzumiya-san and coming over here with her?"

"What? Why her? And why me?" The threat of spending any part of my Sunday around Haruhi quickly brought my mind to full awareness. Just what did Asakura think she was doing?

"We were discussing whom to invite, and decided it would be best to ask those who already knew about Zero-kun's residence at my apartment. Besides, yourself and Suzumiya-san will enjoy yourselves if you come tog—eh?" Asakura paused momentarily and I heard Zero's voice in the background. The LHI's voice came a little bit muffled. "If you prefer."

With that, the slider took over. "Come on, don't be a stick in the mud. We need four for the game, and we're not inviting Nagato, that queer guy or the scared girl. That leaves you and Suzumiya. Besides, Ryoko-chan's making oden for lunch. If you don't come she'll be offended and cry. Right, Ryoko-chan?"

"No, that's—"

"So you'd better come, or I'll never forgive you. And bring Suzumiya or else. Got it?"

The last time I heard this guy use such an aggressive tone, I almost got killed. I struggled to find words against the onslaught. "But why Haruhi?"

"I already told you why. Now call her. Got it?"

"What makes you think she'll even listen to me?"

There was another muffled exchange, and Asakura took control.

"Don't worry, I'm sure she'll come if you ask her. Kyon-kun, we're running on a tight schedule, so can you make it here by nine AM?"

"No…"

"Just say, 'yes.'"

Asakura's voice sounds too perfect to be real. I tried to refuse again, but my tongue didn't want to form the words. Even after all this time, I was still a wimp in the face of bossy people. "Good grief. Fine, I'll do it."

"Thank you so much. I promise you won't regret it."

"Okay, whatever."

"See you later, then." The phone clicked as she hung up.

I stared at the clock on my phone. 7:32 AM. In other words, two minutes of conversation had sent my entire day out the window. Why can't anyone let me have any peace?

Then I groaned, a load descending on my shoulders as I realized what came next. I had to call Haruhi and somehow convince her to join us. Good grief, why do you people leave these burdens on me all the time!

00000

"Finally! Geez, Kyon, it took you forever to get here!"

If you can tell me why Haruhi agreed to come, please do. I'd really like to know myself.

"Come on, let's go before we lose any more time. Where's your bike?"

For that matter, why did she just assume I'd be picking her up beforehand? I pointed behind me to the curb. Haruhi's intense expression never wavered.

"Good." She closed the front door of her house behind her and brushed past me where I stood on her porch. After a few steps, I began to follow her.

"Haruhi, don't you have a bike?"

She turned a disgruntled look on me in response. "Don't be ridiculous, of course you'll be carrying me. That's why bikes are built with enough space to fit on more than one person. Let's get a move on already."

The girl waved me forward with an impatient gesture. I obeyed with a sigh, and the hard-eyed girl's expression darkened.

"Don't look so mopey, you're the one that asked me to come in the first place. The kind of person who gets himself into an adventure only to whine about it later is worse than a coward."

I opened my mouth to tell her that it wasn't my idea to ask her to come in the first place, let alone be the one to bring her to Asakura's apartment, but something in her expression stopped me. Ignoring a sudden weird feeling, I shut my mouth and seated myself on my bicycle. "Are you ready?"

Haruhi hesitated a moment, but her eyebrows lowered and her mouth puckered again in a frown. "Of course I am."

She hopped onto the rack over the rear wheel and sat, bracing herself against my back. "Now make it quick, Ryoko lives too far away for you to take it slow."

Just Ryoko? No –chan on the end? Gah, now I'm just picking at random details. Pushing away my irritation at Haruhi's presumptive commands, I pedaled for Asakura's place.

Fifteen minutes or so later, we were there, myself sweating and panting while Haruhi urged me on.

"What are you waiting for, park your bike and let's go!" She stood by the door to the apartment complex with her hands on her hips. "You can't get time back once it's gone, Kyon. These are some of the best days of our lives!"

I wasn't sure what started her on this whole rant about not wasting time, but it was starting to get annoying. Grimacing at the pain in my legs, I locked up my bicycle and walked over to join the girl. For once, she dropped silently into step at my side instead of springing on ahead.

Huh. It's about time she treats me with some respect. Not that I understood what had changed her attitude all of a sudden.

Then again, that half-frustrated, half-expectant expression of hers before we left…am I just imagining things? Or is something else going on here?

Whatever. We reached the inner door to the apartments upstairs. I pushed the intercom for Asakura's apartment, and Inafune's gruff baritone came in response.

"You're here? With Suzumiya? Come on up."

For reasons I can't explain, I glanced down at Haruhi. Her expression was loose with confusion for a second before melting into a dark new melancholy. The thoughts that had been swimming through my subconscious for the last half-hour finally surfaced, crystallizing into a half-formed realization. My weird feeling from before settled heavily into my stomach, and my gut started to churn. One hand tightened into a fist. What gave these people the right to force me into this situation?

The inner door opened, and we went in to the elevator. I pushed the button for the fifth floor. Haruhi turned her back and me and folded her arms. On the surface there was no reason for her to act that way, but on the surface Kimidori looked like a meek, well-behaved human schoolgirl. There are reasons behind the weird things people do.

We waited for the elevator to make the ascent to the fifth story. For a painfully long time I stood there, self-pity warring with anger and another two or three conflicting emotions. Zero was a special kind of idiot to say what he'd said, the way he said it, over the intercom. "With Suzumiya?" He might as well have told her that he put me up to asking her out.

The elevator came to the third, then the fourth floor. Even without anyone coming on with us, the window for fixing the situation was closing fast. I couldn't let Haruhi go on with her back turned and her arms folded like that; she deserved better. With that determination, I took a deep breath and swallowed my petty thoughts of rebellion. I was surprised how easily the words came once I had my head on straight.

"Haruhi…I'm glad you came."

She didn't respond. Well, not vocally. I felt a menacing aura come off her back. Ignoring it, I stepped over to stand side by side with her, staring at the wall of the elevator.

"Whatever Cipher did or didn't tell me to do, I was the one that followed through with inviting you. I think you're worth hanging out with."

Haruhi tore her brown-eyed gaze from the elevator wall to stare at me. I looked back down at her without a smile. The door to the elevator opened, but she ignored it for the moment.

"You're an idiot, Kyon."

I let out a breath as my body relaxed. It was hard not to smile at her reaction. "I know, I know. Now come on, let's go find out what this game is they want to play. All right?"

The elevator door started to close. Without turning her gaze from me, Haruhi slammed on the button to keep it open. She gave me that disgruntled look from before, but lighter this time, and then stalked out into the hallway without berating me further. I followed a step or two behind her.

Well, I hadn't made her mood any worse, at least. Though I'd be an idiot to think I'd heard the last of this particular piece of drama.

Haruhi stopped at the door to Asakura's apartment and turned to me with folded arms, her expression unreadable. I raised my hand to knock. While I didn't get the same awkward vibe off of her as before, I also felt we weren't quite back to normal again. What in the heck had Asakura been thinking to set us up like this?

Then again, maybe I didn't want to know. Zero opened the door before I even finished knocking. His expression was far more intense than it needed to be, if you ask me.

"Finally. Get in here, you two. It's about time we started this party."

The crazed blond jerked me in by the front of my shirt and held a box in front of my face. "This is the most amazing board game you'll ever play. Risk!"

"Risk?" The unfamiliar English rolled awkwardly off my tongue. I stopped and shook my head. "Gah, what are you doing grabbing me like that, anyway! Lay off!"

He reluctantly let go of me and looked back to Haruhi, who had an uncertain expression. On meeting his gaze, though, the that girl's face hardened and she strode forward to grab me back from him.

"That's right, what are you doing to a fellow brigade member! You're a lot more junior than he is in this organization, so you'd better learn some respect!"

Inafune looked about ready to laugh in her face, but fortunately, an alto voice distracted him before he risked more of Haruhi's wrath. Asakura had come out from the kitchen.

"Haruhi-chan, Kyon-kun, how wonderful! I'm glad you could make it." The LHI moved up and grabbed Zero from behind to force him to bow politely. "What are you doing, Cipher-kun? Let's set up the board so we can begin!"

"Sheesh, you two are way too excited for just a board game."

Haruhi had dropped her hands from me and folded her arms. Despite what she said, I knew that gleam in her eyes. The girl confirmed my suspicions a second later when she grabbed the lid of the box from Zero and inspected it.

"Just as I thought, a world domination strategy game. There's no one that can beat me at a strategy game."

She uttered a short laugh and continued, hands on her hips. "There's nothing you can do now, so just be prepared for a graceful surrender when the time comes, Ryoko-chan."

Asakura tilted her head and smiled. I say smile, because even if it's a better description, the thought of a smirk on Asakura's face blows my mind.

"Of course, I'll be ready for whatever comes, Haruhi-chan. Just know that I won't go down without a fight."

Meanwhile, Zero set up the board game in the background, a look of superhuman concentration on his face. What is wrong with all these people?

No, I'm getting tired of asking that. It's more like, Why am I here with them? Am I this crazy too, but don't know it?

Ugh. Never mind. At least Zero and Asakura aren't making out in front of us.

00000

They're seriously making out in front of us?

Haruhi and I just looked at them with blank expressions for a moment. We had our cards in hand, but the other two had gotten sidetracked into their own…conflict.

"Those two are way too violent."

As usual, Haruhi's whisper carried across the room. Zero didn't seem to notice, pinning Asakura in a move that looked frankly painful. She squirmed to get free.

No, they weren't making out, just trying to beat each other up. It all started when Inafune tried to trade reinforcement cards with me. That's apparently illegal in this game, and Asakura immediately threw down the red flag.

No, there aren't red flags in this game either. It's just a metaphor. Before I knew it Asakura was calmly ordering Inafune to play by the rules, and Zero was challenging her to "make me." It all fell apart when Zero tried to steal her cards too.

Sure enough, they ended up in an outright wrestling match for control of a few pieces of paper with pictures of soldiers on them. Just watching them felt embarrassing. I flinched as Zero's head slammed into the floor; Asakura had found her way free of his armlock, and now she was going in for the kill. Well, probably not the actual kill. But it certainly looked that way.

Haruhi sat back and munched on a handful of snack food Asakura had brought out to share.

"Wow, she really knows her stuff. Look at her break free from that—sheesh, that was brutal."

Inafune gasped, struggling to get free as his girlfriend ground the heel of his own right foot into his back. Haruhi just grinned and watched. Asakura, for her part, had an expression of righteous indignation plastered across her face. Really now, Asakura? You're going to beat up your own boyfriend because he tried to cheat at a board game?

Zero snarled and twisted free with a sudden flip kick that propelled him to the far side of the room. Asakura got to her feet and ran for him with inhuman speed, and Zero met her onslaught with a high kick she easily dodged. The LHI unleashed a flurry of kicks and blows he barely blocked in time. She smiled unnervingly.

"Cipher-kun, when will you learn you can't afford to go easy on me? I'll reduce you to your component parts if you're not careful."

Inafune smirked. In a move I've never seen before or since, he swept the girl's feet out from under her and pounded her into the floor in one graceful motion of his legs, leaving her helplessly prone and knocking the breath from her lungs. The blond followed her down to pin her shoulders and press down on her knees. His golden hair tumbling down all around them, the warrior smirked again and let his face hover inches above hers. Asakura mouth had formed that little "o" of surprise she gets around him.

"You'd better worry about your own parts, princess."

I looked away when he kissed her. Good grief, are all alien-killer robot couples this shameless?

When I looked away, my eyes met Haruhi's. Mistake. She turned away with a scowl, only to turn her glare at me from the corner of her eye. "What are you staring at?"

"N-nothing." What the heck? Stuttering? What kind of idiot am I now?

I shook my head in exasperation and turned back to the board. Looking there was safe. Haruhi went on, though.

"They're completely oblivious. I bet we could steal all Zero's stuff right now and he'd never even know."

That sure is a grumpy tone. What has you so irritated, Haruhi?

From the far side of the room, Asakura gave a tiny gasp. "The oden! It must be done by now!"

Zero let her free, and the blue-haired LHI ran into the kitchen. Inafune flopped onto his back. I stretched out my legs, which were tired from sitting cross-legged in front of the board. Haruhi hunched over and scowled more. She's starting to look like a positive gremlin, I thought to myself.

"Why are you so down? Asakura-san makes delicious oden."

From the smell and what Zero had been saying, I had good reason to believe that. Sure, it was annoying the way Inafune and Asakura are so wrapped up in each other, but at least we'd be fed well.

"Shut up." She hugged her knees and refused to look at me. Inafune raised his head up a little from the floor.

"Suzumiya-san, are you angry?"

"Don't be stupid, of course I'm not," she huffed in response.

He looked about ready to say more, but at that moment Asakura walked in with the pot of fresh, steaming oden. Zero sat up and gave her the most childlike smile I've ever seen on anyone.

The sight of that smile staggered me. It was like perfect innocence, just for a second. A robot-turned-human who's fought more battles than he can count, and Asakura can make him smile like he's a normal, happy teenager. Does she help him forget it all, just for that tiny second?

Maybe that's why they're always so into each other. There's no one else who's ever done that, I bet. Not for either of them.

I took my bowl of oden silently, contemplating. Haruhi slurped down her oden like a maniac with an empty belly, and demanded seconds before I'd halfway finished. Zero ate with superhuman speed, and Asakura just kept feeding them an I'm-so-cheerful-you-could-puke smile.

I almost laughed. These guys fit together way too well.

00000

We played Risk and other games for a few more hours. I'll admit, it was more fun than I had predicted at 7:32 that morning. With Haruhi, Inafune, and Asakura's personalities all thrown in the mix together, I didn't even realize how much time had gone by until it was gone.

Sooner or later I saw my watch and realized it was time to go home. Eventually even a supernatural-plagued deadbeat like me has to get his homework done.

Haruhi was mostly silent on the way back to her house. Not that I minded, of course. If she holds still and keeps quiet, Haruhi's not a bad girl to be around. It's when she opens her mouth and moves around that I start to worry. Mark my words, if that girl had a real army to work with instead of pieces on a board, we'd all be bowing and scraping to her before next week.

Maybe it was dreaming of world domination that kept her lips shut so tight. Regardless, when we came to her front porch she gave me a careless "see you later" and left me on the doorstep. What, not even a handshake? You're one cold girl, Haruhi.

Then I thought, Sheesh, what did you want from her? You're not even attracted to that person! Don't be ridiculous!

I shook my head in frustration for the fifteenth time that day and headed for my bike. I didn't need to start the kind of mess where I fall in love with Haruhi, of all people. I had enough alien androids, espers, time travelers, and killer sliding robots on my mind that there was nothing left to process homework, let alone romance.

00000

Zero and Asakura stuck to each other like glue from then on.

No, then again, not just from then on. Everything I heard from those two made me certain they hadn't left each other for a minute since Saturday afternoon, when Asakura picked Zero up from the clubroom. They even got married at some point before Monday morning, based on the rings on their fingers, but I didn't venture to ask about that story. There's no need to have them go explaining why, or when, or even how as far as I'm concerned. Just because I helped them get back together doesn't mean I need to hear every little nitty-gritty detail of their relationship.

Sunday and Monday crept on, and Nagato showed no signs of finishing off our class president. No more dark pronouncements or warnings, no more secret meetings in her house. I'd taken everything she told me and put it straight into Zero's hands, so I guess I can understand if Nagato doesn't trust me anymore. I felt a little like a Benedict Arnold whenever I saw her around.

On the other hand, I felt I had done what I needed to do. Also, I got to be closer friends with Asakura and Zero after I let him know the truth that Saturday at school. Besides the double "date" on Sunday, we hung out downtown on Monday night, and they invited me to be a part of their study group on Tuesday. I halfheartedly tried to get Haruhi to come with me again, but she resisted and I didn't press the matter. As for why she refused, who knows? Women are strange and Haruhi is the strangest one.

I wish now that I had tried a little harder to bring Haruhi with me on Tuesday. As it was, Zero left when it really counted—he left his girlfriend to die.

When the executioners came, I was the only one at Asakura-san's side.

00000

"Dang it. Zero, can you help me simplify this mess?"

The blond barely spared my paper a glance. "Cosines squared can turn into sines squared if you have ones hanging around too. Then divide."

He flicked his hair to one side, out of the way of his own homework. We were lying on beanbags in Asakura's living room with our math books out, studying for the text next week. When I asked the day before why they bothered with things like that, Asakura just shrugged and Zero said he liked doing homework. His frown told me to stop asking, but his girlfriend (wife? Does a normal marriage ceremony count for them?) told me afterwards that they enjoyed working on something hard together.

I frowned and scratched on the paper with my pencil. Apparently, Asakura is the best math tutor in the world, because even an outworlder like Zero was easily beating my very average knowledge of trigonometry. Why did he have to be better at everything? Can't us normal humans get a single break?

Asakura made a noise of disappointment from the kitchen. "Oh, Zero, did you drink all the milk this morning?"

The warrior burped with a smile of enjoyment. "Yeah. Is that okay?"

"Oh…I was hoping to make rice pudding cake today."

Inafune paused, a funny expression flashing across his face, then jumped up with a determined look. "I'll run to the store, then. Can I take the motorcycle?"

I snorted. "Motorcycle? Good grief, you're spoiled."

He flashed a grin at me. "Yeah."

The blond walked up to Asakura, who put the keys in his hand and gave him a hug and a kiss. "Don't do anything dangerous, now. And be careful not to run into trouble."

"Sure. You got it."

He turned to go, but she held on to him a second longer, burying her head in his chest. "I really mean it. You're all I have, Zero-kun, so be careful, all right?"

Inafune paused at her little display, his face thoughtful. Then he shrugged and put his arm around Asakura's blue-haired head. "Don't worry so much. I'm tougher than tough, remember? So let go and I'll be right back."

"Okay." The LHI released him and bounced back into the kitchen. "Two percent will do, or skim. Whatever you want to drink later."

Zero nodded and walked out the door. I turned back to my trigonometry homework, troubling thoughts nagging at the back of my mind. Why was she so insistent he be careful? It's not like taking a trip on a motorcycle is more dangerous than facing down a twenty-foot-tall war machine or beating his way through a dungeon full of bottomless pits and robots gone maverick. According to him, that kind of thing is "child's play." And if it is, why is his all-knowing girlfriend worried about a little run to the store?

"Kyon-kun, I have a question for you."

Asakura interrupted my thoughts from her place in the kitchen. I looked up.

"Yeah?"

"Please come in here."

I got up and walked over. Maybe a part of me suddenly felt afraid, but I'd gotten to trust Asakura a lot in the last few days. Her interactions with Zero were just too real to be faked.

Or so I thought.

I came up beside her and inspected the contents of a saucepan she had on the stove. Asakura turned to me and smiled.

"Are you afraid of dying?"

I stared at her, unsure of how to react. After a moment, she shrugged and returned to the food.

"I'm going to confess something, Kyon-kun. I've known for awhile now when I was going to die. Tell me, do you think that would bother you?"

"I don't know. It depends on how far away it is, I guess." I fumbled out these words while my mind buzzed the question, What the heck is going on here?

"Oh. What a very different perspective." Asakura shook her head, eyes down on the food as she stirred it. Her dreamy smile remained; her voice was as placid as a koi pond. "What if you knew you had only a few minutes to live?"

I stared at her, hairs rising on the back of my neck. I wanted to take a step back, but at the same time fear locked up my legs at the knees. The blue-haired LHI looked to me and laughed.

"Oh, don't worry, Kyon-kun. I'm not interested in harming you. Let me tell you a little story, okay?"

"Okay…"

She related to me what Nagato had told her that Saturday afternoon in the clubroom. I've already included it earlier. When she reached the end of her story, I looked at the clock and did a quick mental calculation.

"Seventy-four hours? That's—aaaie!"

Asakura's lunge for my neck cut me off in midsentence. Her slender hands clamped my shoulders and her rosy pink lips closed on my throat before I even had a chance to react. As my joints turned to terror-flavored Jell-O, her little canines punctured my skin and pumped who-knows-what into my bloodstream. Probably tons of little machines again. I struggled in vain to escape her creepily vampiric hold on me.

Disregarding my attempts to break free, the snake-woman held on for almost ten seconds before she withdrew her fangs and unhanded me. I was afraid to shout at her again until I stumbled away and checked my throat.

"What the heck was that for? I— Aaaaargh!"

While I glared at her unnaturally tender smile, my vision blurred and pain lanced from the front of my eyeballs to the back of my head. From somewhere beyond my screams of agony, I heard Asakura-san's voice again.

"Don't worry. Your pain will end soon, just like mine. Tell Zero-kun not to worry about me, all right? Kyon-kun?"

"You're—what is this? What are you doing, Asakura? Gah!" My ears popped with a horrible gushing noise. My hands reached up to check for blood or fluid, but found nothing. Dry as a bone. What's going on here?

"I'm sorry, but there's no time left to explain. I spent as much of it as possible with my Zero-kun." Through my blurred vision, I saw the LHI's great blue mass of hair swing back and forth as she shook her head. Her voice took on a feverishly cheerful intensity. "When your vision clears, you'll be able to see what happens to me next. I'm counting on you to report back to Zero-kun that I wasn't afraid to die. That will help him to move on to another girl someday."

"You're going crazy, Asakura-san! Don't do this!"

My vision had recovered enough to see her face a little more clearly. I cringed as the corners of her mouth turned up in a placid smile.

"I'm sorry, Kyon-kun, but it's already too late. They're already here."

I followed her glance into the front room. I hadn't even heard the intruders come in, but there they stood.

Nagato Yuki, Asakura's executioner.

And Kimidori Emiri, her replacement.

00000

The end had come. Asakura presented herself to the other LHI's with a bow and that soft, placid smile I already hated. That smile that meant Asakura had given up.

"Both of you? I already told you that I'd go willingly. But never mind, I'm ready to die whether it's Nagato Yuki or Kimidori Emiri."

Kimidori smiled and nodded meekly. "I'm so glad. Of course, first I'll need to extract all the data on Zero-kun you've been holding back from us."

Asakura's expression didn't flicker. "I returned all the useful data. The IDSE needs no more than I've sent back."

Returned the useful data? How do they do that, anyway? Radio transmission? Never mind, now's not the time for that.

The point is, it looks like Asakura didn't give her boss all the information he wanted. But why not?

"Data about our personal life together is irrelevant. I returned all the useful data."

Personal life? Is this just about privacy?

As the blue-haired LHI repeated herself, Kimidori's expression turned a shade less cheerful. She shook her head. "All data on Megaman Zero is important for the IDSE. I'm sorry, but if you won't return it willingly then I'll remove it by force."

Asakura's smile stiffened. "This is an irrelevant discussion. The chances of Zero-kun returning to find us here are greater than zero and increase with every second. Terminate me now or I will terminate myself."

Kimidori shook her head and smiled once more. "I'm sorry, that's not possible. Nagato, please immobilize her."

What? Nagato-san is taking orders from that hussy?

Nagato directed a neutral look at Kimidori. I tried my best to understand the feelings behind her expression, but was nearly impossible to read her right then, even for my advanced analysis. After a moment she turned and advanced on Asakura with small, mechanical steps.

I tried to clench my fists and found myself unable. Paralyzed!

I panicked for a moment before realizing it was probably Asakura's doing. Now that I thought about it, none of the LHI's present seemed to acknowledge my existence, as if they didn't even see me. Maybe there was a connection there. I'd figure it out later.

Right now, I felt a bitter dragon of anger coil up inside my insides.

They were all so stupid. Asakura, Nagato, Kimidori—all of them. No regard for even their own stupid lives. I felt like I saw the future right then: they'd try to pin Asakura down to take the rest of her Zero data, then she'd try to fight back or kill herself, only to fail and end up in a drawn-out battle to destroy the other LHI's. Maybe she'd succeed, and then my friend from the Literature Club would be dead. No matter what happened, I was out at least one friend and estranged from the other. Don't they care about anything but that research data of theirs?

Asakura shook her head at Nagato's advance and threw her hands up in the air. Normal air particles started to vibrate faster and faster, until the bonds between their individual atoms stretched and broke under the strain. Sparks crackled back and forth inside the resulting plasma. "You won't retrieve me alive."

Kimidori covered her laugh with her hand. "Don't be ridiculous. Perhaps you forgot thanks to your error-ridden data, but you're only an inferior backup unit, Asakura-san. Don't attempt to resist."

Nagato, on her part, didn't respond with words. Her hands stretched forwards and her voice worked at super speed to call up a negation program.

And then I realized: how am I seeing and hearing all this? What the heck? When did I learn what a negation program is?

The nanobots, of course, I responded to myself. When Asakura bit me, she must have put in a type of nanomachine that accelerates my normal brain and sensory functions. It explained the sudden pains in my head right afterwards. Good grief, why did she bother doing any of that?

Never mind, it didn't matter now anyway. Nagato's program turned the air particles back to normal, and Kimidori sprang forward to catch Asakura by the throat. The pinned LHI called up a program to surround them in an inferno, but Nagato put it out with a word and Kimidori sealed Asakura's mouth, hands and feet with a set of bulky carbon-fiber restraints. She thrashed defiantly to escape, and miraculously cracked open the seal on her mouth by bashing it against her wristband.

"Zero-kun will never let you control hi—"

Nagato slapped her hand over the other girl's mouth, silencing her and slamming her head to the ground. Meanwhile, her free hand sprouted a thin, tiny drill that spun at ultrasonic speeds. She plunged it into Asakura's forehead with a brutally swift motion.

Blood splashed across the LHI's impassive face. I tried to scream, to cry, to throw up, by my feet were rooted to the floor and my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth with horror. Asakura-san was dead.

Only, no, she wasn't. I felt as much as saw the flow of data into Nagato from Asakura's punctured skull, showing that that brain inside still functioned. Not only that, her body still pulsed with its girlish heartbeat and her chest still rose and fell with her breathing. Only the LHI's blankly staring eyes and the hole in her forehead gave the impression of death.

"Data extraction almost complete." Kimidori smiled. I noticed now that Nagato was uploading her the data as fast as she got it. Before I had much more time to focus on that, though, the green-haired LHI's body started to shift forms. Green hair shifted to blue, her features shifted, and finally her eyes changed as well.

I couldn't believe it. Was this her master plan the entire time? To replace her? Don't they know I'll never let that happen?

My blood pumped hot with rage. Don't you see me here? I'll never let you get away with this! Again I wanted to shout, to stop what they were doing, but again I couldn't move. What's going on?

Asakura Ryoko slumped a little farther to the ground as Nagato removed the drill. Kimidori, her body now an exact replica of Asakura's, turned to her with a peeved smile.

"Why have you stopped? We're almost finished!"

"…"

Nagato stood and turned to regard the door. Kimidori-in-Asakura's-body reflexively followed her gaze.  
Nagato is practically omniscient. I learned in later months that she knows much, much more than she ever lets on. As a result I trust her judgment in everything from winning impossible computer games to protecting our pets from alien possession.

However, if my four-eyed LHI looked at Asakura's door expecting to see a muscled blond with a sword, she was wrong. Zero never went through that door again.

He came in through the wall instead.

00000

Plaster and drywall exploded inward in a shower of chunks. I immediately noticed three effects: my head started buzzing terribly, I could move my body again, and Zero moved too fast for me to see.

The buzzing filled the area. It distorted my superhuman senses and vaguely hurt my head. Through the confusion of the plaster and dust in the air, I somehow knew that terrible buzzing feeling came from somewhere in the center of the room.

I must have been locked in a stasis program before, because Zero's entry immediately freed me. Maybe it had something to do with that terrible buzzing noise.

Kimidori and Nagato reacted fast enough to save their lives, but only barely. Inafune came into the room so fast he blurred in my vision. His first attack put a cut down the length of Kimidori's arm, but I only figured that out from the line of blood that sprang up where he hit her. I never saw his sword touch the alien android's body.

By the time the dust cleared, the two invading LHI's stood at the far end of the room, close to the door. Inafune crouched by Asakura's barely breathing form, his hand caressing her bloody forehead.

"Ryoko-chan. Ryoko-chan, what did they do to you?" His voice came low and grieved. He held his sword out to one side, not in striking position but ready to guard if his opponents attacked. "X, you were right to warn me about this."

I didn't look at the sword long. It hurt my eyes, like looking directly at the sun. Is this how Asakura and Nagato always feel when they look at it? How did she live around him, then? Unless maybe it doesn't do this all the time.

Asakura gave Zero no response. I shifted around a little bit to see them a little better, and he lifted his head and addressed me by name.

"Get out of here. It's not safe."

Nagato and Kimidori were staring at me now. From the looks on their faces, they hadn't even realized I was there until now. Zero, however, raised his weapon and gave me no further notice. His voice when he spoke again was the stuff of nightmares.

"What have you two done to my Ryoko-chan?"

Kimidori's body's data shifted back into its normal green-haired form. From the expression on her face, I don't think she meant to do that, but the cut on her arm seemed more of an issue to me. I saw it starting to widen and grow all on its own.

"Impossible! That sword destabilized my data!"

Panic, an absolute first in Kimidori's tones. She started to repair the damage, focusing a telepathic stream of data into the affected flesh. "Nagato Yuki, protect me while I recover."

Nagato remained blank as ever. She spouted off a string of syllables a little too fast for me to catch, then tensed herself to spring at her tall, blond opponent.

The warrior robot-in-a-human-body shook his head. "No. Don't start this. I won't stop."

Kimidori sneered very unmeekly. "Then we'll terminate you as well, Megaman Zero. Your body will provide as interesting a piece for study dead as alive."

Well, there goes the meek schoolgirl routine again. That was fast. One cut and she's acting like…she has her own mixed-up data…

The distracting buzzing was coming from that sword. That sword, that sword, that sword! It was the key somehow. Why hadn't I ever seen it before?

Zero brought the weapon back behind him, cocked for a killing blow. His face set in that same look as his first lunch here, when he'd told me he would kill Asakura if she attacked anyone again. It was a grim look. "I'll give you two one chance to walk away from this. When Asakura repairs herself, I'm going to leave with her and take the first flight to Canada. Then you two, your boss, and all your friends will leave us alone or I'll come back and kill your little science project Haruhi. Got it?"

"How unfortunate. And here I hoped we could keep you alive." Kimidori's sneer turned into a nasty smile, edged with pain from her destabilized arm. "Never mind, though. Your corpse will provide many amusing hours of stu—dy—"

She choked and coughed up blood. Zero stood right in front of her, holding his sword down low. Or—I slowly shuffled over to get a better angle—no. Not down low, I realized. The hilt, yes, but the blade—

Kimidori's enormous hair didn't quite cover the curved tip of the sword protruding from her back.

"Cocky little witch." Zero twisted the blade in her, and the LHI cried out pitifully, her body trembling. "You can't kill me. And your taste in restaurants stinks."

Nagato appeared behind him, but the warrior had already turned and whipped his sword around to strike her down. Bending bonelessly, she ducked backwards under the blade and flipped up onto her hands. Her feet came up in a double kick in the same smooth motion.

Nagato's little shoes cracked hard into Zero's chin, sending him stumbling back over Kimidori's trembling body. He rolled catlike around her and grabbed the little schoolgirl up as a shield. His enemy's next attack, a spray of laser beams from her fingers, mostly burned into the green-haired LHI. She showed no sign of knowing she'd been hit.

Icicles sprouted from the ceiling above the two combatants, threatening to fall down on Inafune. He sprang to his feet, Kimidori still in hand, to escape them and bashed at Nagato with her fallen companion. As ice shattered against the floor beside them, Nagato deflected Kimidori's body with her right hand and tried to catch Zero's sword hand with her left. It was here that she made her first mistake: with the slider's inhuman speed and the distracting buzzing, the LHI misjudged the distance and caught the crosspiece of the sword instead, allowing the base of the blade to bite into her hand. Nagato's normally impassive face flinched with the pain of it. Nevertheless, she held on with a grim expression.

"Hurts, don't it?"

Inafune taunted her with a malicious grin and bashed at Nagato again and again with Kimidori's body. Her blocks came perfectly on time, but his strategy left her no time to summon a counterattack. "I think Kimidori-baka can still heal herself, but she'll die if we keep this up. Surrender, and I'll let her live."

"Her termination makes no difference to me."

Nagato's cold reply made Zero lift an eyebrow. She continued in the same monotone.

"However, once her injuries become irreparable, your exodus from this universe will be assured. Are you prepared to leave, knowing that I will complete the termination of Asakura Ryoko?"

Inafune snarled and tossed Kimidori aside. He grasped the hilt of the sword with both hands, forcing the blade closer and closer to Nagato's face. "Then I'll kill you and finish off Kimidori before I disappear. Are you ready to die, little witch?"

In answer, Nagato brought back her free hand and started speaking in code. Zero twisted free of her grip on him and kicked the LHI in the chest before she had a chance to finish. With a whoosh of breath leaving her lungs, the little schoolgirl flew across the room. Zero followed her in a flash of blond hair.

"No more of your dang gibberish!" He snarled out these words and brought his sword across in a killing blow. Nagato just barely avoided having her body cut in half, losing a piece of her school uniform skirt instead. I have to wonder, does she ever change clothes?

Despite everything, Nagato finished calling up the program she'd started. Or I think she did. That is, if she didn't call up the freight train that burst out of the wall, I don't know who did. Certainly not Asakura or Kimidori.

Oh no! Asakura! She was in the path of the train!

I started to call out her name, but by the time I finished those four syllables it was a moot point. Also, I'd suddenly forgotten all about Asakura-san.

I've never seen someone cut through a freight train before.

Dozens of tons of fearsome steel rushed through the room with a screech like I'd never heard. The monster of machinery met Zero's waiting blade head-on and parted on it like falling water parts on a piece of flint. For the next long few heartbeats, all I saw or heard was the near half of that train deflecting off of where I knew the warrior had to be.

There's no way that's possible! He should be a smear on the floor by now, not standing there with the tip of his sword bisecting a freight train. No one can do what he's doing!

The two halves of the train careened off into the walls, disappearing in a shimmer of data. It took a good five seconds for the entire locomotive to pass through the room.

Long enough for Nagato to bring up her next attack program.

When the caboose had disappeared into the wall with the rest of the train cars, Zero finally lowered his sword. It was only then that I knew for sure what had happened—I had no way to see what was going on before, with tons of train in the way. It was now that I saw what price Zero had paid to protect his one true love.

Cuts and tears covered his body. His shirt was long gone, and his arms and chest were one great mass of new bruises. I had no idea how his bones weren't turned to jelly by the impact force. As it was, junk from inside the train had practically killed him.

Or was it practically? Inafune's eyes had turned blank as death. He was breathing like a broken horse, lungs like bellows rushing in and out. Was there anyone still in there?

"Iris, are you still there?"

He turned around to look at Asakura's unmoving form. Those blank eyes of his showed no recognition.

"Good. Hold tight. I'll protect you 'til it's over."

Who's Iris to him? And what does she have to do with Asakura, for him to get them confused? What is this, another robotic flashback?

He turned his blank eyes to Nagato, who stood across the room with one hand held in front of her. He raised his sword with an inhuman snarl.

"Sigma. What have you done!"

The LHI didn't respond, except to tense herself for another round. Maybe the last round.

I took in the tableau of the two of them. Inafune, or Zero, or whatever he had become, stood with wounds covering his body but rapidly healing into metallic scars. Nagato, her hand healed but her skirt still slashed up one side, stood with her hand out in front of her. She had finished encoding her latest attack program, which took the form of—

I gasped. No. She wouldn't dare.

—a black hole.

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There are four fundamental forces that rule this universe. I heard this on a game show once, so it must be true. For those few minutes, with my accelerated brain functions, I remembered everything.

According to the game show, two of the forces have to do with binding protons and neutrons and other particles together or letting them decay.

The third force is the electromagnetic force that makes the light come from your computer screen.

The last force is the gravitational force, which is better understood now thanks to Einstein's theory of general relativity.

Don't worry too much about the details there. I probably won't understand them either in a few minutes, when Asakura's nanobots' effects wear off. Suffice to say, black holes are the last word in the gravitational force. Near enough to a black hole, none of the other forces can compare in strength. The containment program Nagato used was centuries beyond our pitiful technology; it's like the difference between a supercomputer and a sharpened stick.

What Nagato held in her hand was more dangerous than anything else on Earth, maybe even Haruhi. I had to wonder, How did she possibly get permission from her boss to use that kind of attack?

Or did she? Kimidori wasn't in any state to object, still alive but only barely.

Whatever the case, the four-eyed alien android had more power in hand than anyone needs. Surrounded by an inch-wide antigrav field that held back the gravitational forces, the black hole was invisible to everything but an LHI's perceptions. Zero certainly didn't pay it any mind.

"The world's had enough of you, Sigma. Prepare to die!"

He glanced to the side and spoke again, but in a completely different tone.

"X, cover my back. If we work together, we can put an end to him for good."

Unnoticed by Zero, Asakura began to stir. I saw that her head wound had finally healed.

After a second's pause, as if listening to a response, the warrior turned back to Nagato. "Let's finish this."

The battle that followed was beyond description. Bullets shot in every direction, the temperature flashed hot and cold, and Zero's blade cut down program after program to reach at Nagato's frail-seeming body. Whether by accident or on purpose, none of their attacks hit me. Hooray for my continued fragile existence. Oh, and Kimidori survived too, somehow. I wondered if she was having any luck healing her wounds, but for now, she looked too busy trying to stay alive to help Nagato any. I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

All the while, Nagato held her black hole in reserve. I wondered what she was waiting for, but that blank face revealed nothing.

Finally a break came in the battle. Zero stood on one side of the room, in front of Asakura's still form. Nagato stood on the other end, holding the black hole in one hand and a plasma sword in the other. His body was covered in metallic scars and burns, hers in cuts that didn't seem to heal. Blood was everywhere. Her face made tiny spasms of pain while he breathed like oxygen was going out of style.

"You're finished, Sigma." The slider wiped a trickle of blood from his nose and raised his weapon in trembling hands. "This is my last attack!"

Suddenly Nagato vanished from sight, and Zero's head spun around to look for her. His half-destroyed ponytail whipped around like a golden fountain. "****! Where did you go!"

She appeared behind him without a sound, crouching and stabbing up with the plasma sword as if to skewer him from below. Zero backflipped over the attack before the weapon made contact.

"Golden Saber cross-cut!" The warrior brought his weapon down on the LHI with full force. His back flip had put him behind her, in a perfect position to end the fight for good.

The sword sliced right through Asakura Ryoko's disguised body.

Zero saw his mistake even before he finished the cut. His sword disrupted the illusion that disguised Asakura's body as Nagato's, and he realized the truth in a flash.

"Iris…Iris!"

Sobbing incoherently, the warrior collapsed to his knees by the two halves of his lover's body. And then, as if this day weren't already nightmarish, it got worse.

Trembling a little, the LHI used her intact right arm to turn herself over. She smiled at Zero through the pain.

"Zero-kun, I've saved you. Now you'll leave this universe safely, and I'll die, just like I should've, back then, when you came."

"Iris, no…" his face took on a haunted look. Asakura's smile wavered a little at the strange name, but she continued on regardless.

"I thought I could be more than a machine—" she coughed up blood, and her eyes took on a desperate cast—"but I was wrong. I'm—sorry, Zero—please—"

Her hand reached up to him in a last gesture of need. He caught it in his own as her sentence slowed to a bloody halt. While he held her there, gazing helplessly into her limpid blue eyes, the LHI's bleeding stopped and she lay still.

"Iris…Iris! Iris!" He voice cracked like a real teenager's. "Iris…

"Aaaaugh! No, this isn't happening! There's no reason for me to go on! WHAT AM I FIGHTING FOOOAAAAARRRR!"

Eyes bulging wild with grief and rage, every inch of his skin glittering with metallic scars, Zero turned and launched himself at Nagato, his data-destroying blade leading the way. The man's breath came out in a robotic roar that shook the room. It ended abruptly as Nagato blocked with one hand.

The hand with the black hole in it.

For a moment, time paused. Zero seemed to halt in mid-air, an expression of robotic grief and rage plastered across his face. It was then I realized: Nagato had been waiting for this moment. Zero had finally let down his guard.

That four-eyed monster. She was waiting for this.

Zero's weapon shattered with an indescribable noise. It was like Poseidon had reached up out of the ocean and snapped the Golden Gate Bridge in half. It was like the death of the Andromeda Galaxy, stars collapsing in a fissure of time while chaos screamed a song of sick, sour silence inside. Part of the sword disappeared into a place I never want to hear about again, and the rest disappeared to—never mind. I don't even want to talk about it. The explosion sent him flying across the room like a rag doll, and he smashed into the wall with sickening force.

Nagato watched his body crumple to the floor with her typical lack of expression. She walked calmly across the room towards him, her steps making as much noise as a ghost kissing a shadow. The shielded black hole collapsed from existence. The plasma sword in her other hand did not.

Why? Why, Nagato? He'll disappear so soon anyway. Why would you kill him now?

I'd had enough. Enough of these alien androids, and sliders, and all their stupid following orders and data manipulation and everything else. I clenched my fists and ran for the little, dark-haired LHI.

"NAGATOOOO!"

She turned to regard me just as my feet left the ground in the final leap. Somehow I hit her before she dodged, and we slammed into the ground together in a tangle of arms and legs. Her wire-framed glasses flew off her face to shatter against the wooden floor.

Before the shards came to a rest, the LHI had disentangled herself from me and leapt over to Zero. Moving with urgency I'd rarely seen in her, Nagato used the plasma sword to cut off Zero's sword hand. Blood spurted from his wrist. Then the LHI tossed her sword off to the side and crossed quickly to Asakura.

It all happened so fast. Before I knew it, the LHI was kneeling by Asakura's upper half and showing her the hilt of Zero's sword. She'd pried it from his fingers on the way over.

"Asakura Ryoko. Observe."

The blue-haired LHI opened her eyes at this noise. Slowly, she reached up to touch the hilt with her fingers. It was the one and only part to survive the madness from before.

Before our eyes, the hilt disintegrated into an ethereal break in time. I felt Asakura's full processing power come alive as she took in every detail of the wormhole event.

Nagato crossed the room again, this time bringing back Zero's limp body. His wrist had scabbed over in record time. Asakura watched as the wormhole's foglike, coin-sized exit vortex appeared and spat out a stronger version of Zero's weapon for him to use, just like after his wooden sword had broken in a training session the week before. Her eyes glittered with the new information.

"Is it sufficient?" Nagato's voice carried little more emotion than a robot's.

"Yes. Together with my analysis of the previously acquired data, wormhole manipulation is now possible."

"Act quickly. Spacetime is rupturing. At this rate your supposed termination will trigger Megaman Zero's transference from this universe."

Asakura looked up at her. While Zero's wavy grey storm of a wormhole slowly penetrated the space around his body, I thought I saw Asakura smile. "Thank you, Nagato Yuki."

"Never return to this universe, or the IDSE will force me to eliminate you both."

"Understood."

Asakura chanted weakly, and I saw Zero's wormhole reach out a spiraling arm and expand towards her pretty face. A sudden seizure wracked the LHI's body just as the vortex closed around her, and my heart leapt inside me. Both her and her warrior husband disintegrated in a beautiful shower of glittering pixels. And, I thought I heard a voice—

"See ya, Kyon."

I pray to God it wasn't just my imagination.

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Nagato collapsed.

"Nagato!" I dashed over to her for the second time that day. "Nagato, are you all right? What happened? I'm sorry, I was so wrong about you…"

Resting against my chest, the LHI continued to bleed from her wounds. Her face remained so close to blank that it almost fooled me. But I knew better, after all this time. A tiny hint of victory shone from her eyes.

"Wormhole manipulation was successful."

"What does that mean?"

"Both Megaman Zero and Asakura Ryoko have disappeared from this universe."

"Are they alive?"

She blinked. One by one, the vicious cuts inflicted by Zero's sword were mending. Nagato had had far better success in this department than Kimidori, still unconscious in a corner.

"I do not know. Even if her body did not die before transference, she will have to successfully alter the exit protocols of the wormhole while in subspace."

"That sounds hard."

"It may prove impossible."

My face fell. "Then all this might have been for nothing…"

Nagato shook her head again. I noticed her wounds had all healed, along with the tears in her clothing. The room around us began to repair itself as well, looking like really good effects on a sci-fi movie. My mind caught on a loose end.

"Why did you help Asakura escape with Zero? When did you change your mind about killing her?"

"This is a satisfactory result for the Integrated Data Sentient Entity."

Well, the troublesome factors are all gone, so I guess that makes sense. I relaxed, but a strange feeling still bothered me. Is that all?

"I also desired for them to remain intact."

My eyebrows jumped at this statement of hers, and my eyes searched her face. Then I chuckled. "They're perfect for each other, aren't they."

Nagato's tiny expression of victory returned. This, then, must be the outcome she wanted from the beginning, the one she'd called me in to her apartment to help her achieve. But why did their survival together mean so much to her? What about Asakura and Zero's relationship meant anything for Nagato Yuki, Living Humanoid Interface and not-quite-human girl?

Suddenly, she gasped. "Oh!"

Her hand went to her face.

"I forgot to regenerate a new pair of glasses."

After everything that had happened in the last week or so, I smiled at her without feeling embarrassment. The answer to my question came to me. "Actually, I think you look cuter without glasses, Nagato-san."

The LHI looked up at me with the faintest hint of wonderment. Then wonder disappeared in something else.

Nagato moved her hand and tucked in her head ever so slightly to cuddle better against my chest. I held her there while Asakura's bean bag chairs reappeared and the apartment in general finished stitching itself back together. In about five minutes Kimidori would wake up, Nagato would go back to being her nearly omnipotent self, and I'd have the worst headache imaginable from those dang nanobots, but for the moment everything was finally peaceful.

I had stopped wondering why Nagato helped Zero and Asakura escape together. After all, who says Asakura is the only one that can develop "mixed-up data streams?"

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_Read and review._


	10. Epilogue: The Friendship of Megaman X

_A/N: Hi guys. I lied about the last chapter being the actual last chapter. Don't forgive me unless you want to find out how Zero copes with his losses. _

_I'll have you all know this took a disproportionately large amount of time and effort for me to write compared to actual story chapters of similar length. There were just so many ways it could go..._

_Anyway, MungoJerry seemed to think the story needed an epilogue, and I already had one planned and half-written, so here you go. Enjoy as much as sorrow and tragedy will let you._ :(

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**Epilogue – The Friendship of Megaman X**

Remembering it was like recalling a nightmare, at first. It got a little easier with time. Eventually I sorted out exactly what was real and what my mind had made up, but it took a lot of effort.

My Ryoko-chan's eyes closed, and I thought for sure she had finally died. Still hallucinating about a little brunette robot and some bald guy with a beam saber, I turned from Ryoko-chan's body and rushed Nagato with sword leading. I don't remember what she did to stop me from killing her. It must've worked, though, and if you say she used a black hole then I guess I'll believe you.

When I opened my eyes again, I was in a dark, musty room with almost no one around. Everyone I knew from your universe was gone. It was over.

My higher brain functions weren't up to speed yet, but that didn't stop me from noticing my new surroundings. I was bound to a wall in a dark room, restrained by zip ties on my wrists, ankles, and waist. My night vision took in ranks of deactivated robots that lined the walls of the room, their bodies bound like mine; the cords were thick enough to hold a robot upright, but too thin to hold one against its will. The whole situation brought to mind a sanitary graveyard for machines no one cared about any more.

And I had woken up there, posed like one of the dead. Delightful.

With a series of quiet snaps, the plastic zip ties popped free, and my big red metal boots clanked noisily against the concrete floor. My fingers flexed with the silence of ideally maintained cybernetic joints.

Robot fingers. Robot body. Powerful, resilient, and perfectly coordinated.

I stood there for a second, taking in my familiar-feeling new self, before I remembered what had happened. I abruptly flashed back to the life I'd left behind, when I wore a fleshy body with a little gold ring on one finger.

Back when I had Ryoko-chan.

Hollowness filled my chest, impairing my functioning. I twitched oddly in the dark.

"Ryoko…"

My synthetic lips framed the name with a trace of sadness. I twitched again as my processors debated what to do next. Fight? Flight? Hide? Protect?

That last option was gone. There was no one left to protect, not even that phantasm of X my organic brain had hallucinated into being.

With that thought, though, my aural sensors picked up a sound. Incredibly faint, right on the edge of my hearing, but I heard it and moved to find the source. Having a purpose feels better than staying alone, in the dark.

The sounds led me out of the storeroom and into a darkened hall that lit up when my door opened. I couldn't find the source of the first vibration, and its pitch and tone eluded me, but I heard it again a little farther away. Somehow, I knew he had to be making them.

What? Who's "he?" Well, who do you think?

The noises led me to a stairwell. It was made of concrete floors and plaster walls, like everything else around here, and ended in a heavy steel door that looked like it hadn't opened in a while. Cobwebs mucked up everything in this area.

Another world, then. More people to save. Past that door, I'd find a new reason to go on. Maybe I'd even find a reason to care.

I stared down at my feet, away from the door, away from the sounds that had guided me up out of the dark of the storeroom. There was no reason to go up there.

My Ryoko-chan was dead. I twitched, and twitched again, and contorted spasmodically until I lost my balance and fell backwards, down the stairs. Unfortunately, the physical damage was too little to take my attention from the wars of pain inside my new positronic brain. I remembered taking her life, believing she was another robot, and my internal agony burst like a pustule into a white-hot torrent of fire.

I heard his voice before I saw him. Hearing his voice brought a little peace to the war inside. I don't remember what he said, which is strange, but then the door above opened and I saw him again for the first time in years.

Years? Days? I don't know. Maybe both. It felt like a long time, anyway. Long enough to forget why I left, and why he stayed behind. What a stupid thing I'd done, all those universes ago.

"Zero? Zero! It's you! You're finally back!"

Back? Is this where…huh. He's still here, in this same universe, after all this time?

I lay halfway down the stairs, left eye twitching spasmodically. He was still here. That darned robot stayed true to his word, and for who knows how long. It was absolutely impossible, but there he was, just waiting for me to come back this entire time. I don't know how he does it.

He ran down the stairs, heavy metal boots taking two or three steps at a time. In a moment he knelt by my side.

The Blue Bomber. Megaman X. My brother in arms. My best friend.

My hallucinated X came back one more time. Maybe it was him making the sounds after all. He appeared behind the real Blue Bomber and smiled at me, waving goodbye before he faded away like an old dream.

I don't know how I saw him again, after leaving my organic body behind, but for a moment I felt grateful for how that ghost had helped me back then. Now I had the real thing again, though, and my hallucinated X could go back to wherever he came from. But where did he come from?

I'm not still crazy, am I? Or just hallucinating all this?

The real Megaman X hovered over me, watching my eyes with his face drawn in a look of concern. "Zero? Zero, are you all right? You took a nasty fall."

I stared up into his synthetic green eyes. His bi-colored blue helmet framed a face that looked designed for a human teenager. X always gets the short end of the stick when it comes to looks.

I felt around for the hilt of my beam saber. "You're looking good as ever, X. Need a haircut?"

His face split into a grin so innocent it makes puppies want to puke. I remembered that grin. "It really is you. Come on, we need you on the surface."

There he goes again, always taking off to save the world. If you think I'm bad, you should spend five minutes with this guy. His little finger has more hero in it than I've had in my whole body, ever. I twisted onto my feet and dashed for the top of the stairs, brushing easily past him on my way up.

"Zero, wait up! I'm supposed to lead you, not the other way around!"

"I can't have you hogging all the fun. Besides, I'm better for the front lines anyway." I felt around for the button to fire up my weapon. "What are we fighting up there this time?"

"There's no fighting! Zero, you can put away your beam saber, I promise!"

I snorted. "Fine. I was joking anyway."

I wasn't, but whatever.

Megaman had half-closed the door behind him. I opened it to the gold-and-sunlight colored room beyond and strutted out into the open, still holding the hilt of my weapon. X spoke to me from behind, on the stairs.

"Dr. Calvin wanted to take a look at you. They've found out as much as they can with me, but she says it'll be helpful to have another subject for study."

What is it with women and studying me? "Wasn't that Susan part of the reason I left this place?" I swung the door open all the way. Outside it lay a vast, brightly colored chamber, sunlight streaming in through the many windows to reflect off shiny gold-and-silver walls and floor. Even the ceiling was a glittering expanse of jewels. It was just as gaudy as I remembered.

"She worked long and hard to earn the title of 'Dr.', Zero." X walked up the stairs and chided me gently. "She's the foremost expert on robotics on this Earth. If anyone can figure out the mechanics behind our sliding—whoah. Tell me you felt that."

"Yeah." I lit up my beam saber as soon as the feeling passed. "Another incoming wormhole. Sigma's here."

"Let's hope not. I haven't prepared these people for an all-out battle." X activated his buster arm, and we ran for the source of the disturbance. Humans in suits and lab coats got out of our way as we ran through the sparkly building.

I'm told that most people can't feel when a slider is about to arrive. I don't know how they miss it. There's this feeling like your bones are about to wobble right out of your body, and then a lingering buzzing feeling that tells you where they're coming in. It gets stronger until they finally show up, then fades away a second or two afterwards. Sigma and his goony Vile are the only other sliders I can remember us ever running into.

"There's an emergency! Everyone clear the area!" X shouted out warnings as we ran. There was a flight of stairs with humans going up and down, and we weaved in and out of the crowd with more-than-human grace. "We have incoming hostiles! Everyone, get out of here!"

People started clearing out, but whether it was because of X shouting or me running around with an active beam saber I don't know. Most robots can't hurt people in this universe, thanks to the Three Laws of Robotics, but X and I never fit that kind of mold very well. We're special.

Come to think of it…I frowned. "X, do they still remember how I killed that guy here? The one that was shooting at me?"

He bashed down a locked door before responding, opening a up a hallway on the second story. A set of empty staircases opened up on our right. "They do. It's been two or three days since you left, and Dr. Calvin and Robotics Inc. are getting the wrong kind of attention from pretty much everyone." X's expression clouded over with worry. "I don't want her to get in trouble, but without a human to claim us as his responsibility, we're not going to do too well in court. They're not very happy about having robots around that can break the Three Laws."

"Wait, only two or three days?" I shoulder-rushed the door to another hallway of office space. It gave way with a sharp metallic grunt of discontent. "I've been through at least a couple weeks."

X considered this. "I guess we have no reason to think time passes the same way in different universes. Unfortunately, either way, you're still in a heap of trouble with the humans here."

"Shoot. Well, maybe if we take out Sigma they'll let us off easy. Here!"

We came to the fourth-floor room where the buzzing was strongest. I kicked down the door and walked through an office, out onto a little balcony, staring up at a specific spot on the sky. My saber hummed a low note of readiness. Watching the glowing purple blade, the room's human inhabitant picked up his suit jacket and left through the door without so much as a friendly greeting.

X called after him apologetically. "Sorry, and make sure everyone leaves!"

Out beyond the balcony, manicured green lawn stretched for acres. Green trees of every description broke the monotony, along with beds of multicolored flowers and beautiful paved walkways. To a robot's mind, something about the place fit just right. I set my armored foot easily on the shiny steel railing. My eyes flicked down four stories of fall below us, and the glittering rock path at the bottom, then back up to the empty air in front of us.

"Weird place for him to show up. There's no good power source or weapons stash up here." I glanced over at my blue-armored friend. "Is there?"  
I heard him click off the safety on his weapon, and the buster started building up a charge. "No, just office space. You don't think they followed you here, did they?"

I shook my head. Unbidden, my last few seconds of consciousness in the previous universe flashed through my mind. I started to glitch before getting myself under control again. "No. No one followed me from there. Anyone that wanted to is dead now."

X gave me a grieving look as his buster charged up. The buzzing reached a peak, and we saw a hole open in the air a few yards from the balcony, thirty-five plus feet above the concrete ground below. The few seconds after that swept by too fast for any human brain to follow.

That blue hair, that unforgettable girlish frame; I'll never forget the way she looked. Unfortunately, it was only for a second that she hovered there. Then the wormhole finished materializing Ryoko's body and dumped her into this universe for good.

Forty feet above quartz-lined concrete path.

Nothing but a positronic brain can react so fast. My crimson boots were already pushing off the balcony's metal railing by the time my Ryoko started to fall. Still, I was so slow, and she was almost ten feet from the ledge. I'd never reach her in time to do more than touch her arms before we both crashed into the shining rocks below.

And she'd die, on those shining rocks. Her body looked so human and frail. Eyes closed, almost lying down in the air, she was utterly unprepared for the ground that leapt up to meet her. I was so slow…

Carbon nanotube muscles tightened on electronic instinct, forming my body into a rigid metal piece. Then my dash jets flared like an angel's mercy, with the brightness of the finger of God. I roared through the sky like a special delivery from the sun.

My blaze of glory brought me to her in the blink of an eye. Reaching out with blood-red robotic arms, I cursed the armor that made me hard and caught my Ryoko as softly as possible in the rubbery grips of my crimson gauntlets. Even as my fingers brushed her skin I switched off my jets and threw my legs out below me, firing the jets again to decelerate before I slammed into the little schoolgirl like a meteor. A quick burst of propellant slowed me down enough to catch her safely.

We came together with the gentlest of collisions, and I cradled her body closer to mine. She seemed so small in this universe, maybe five feet tall to my six and a half. Her skin tone was different, a soft Asian yellow-brown instead of the impossible alabaster from her home universe. The hair had changed in exactly the opposite way; where it was a natural azure before, here it was like long blue silk too threadlike to be real. How much else had she lost in translation?

The ground waited grimly beneath us, drawing nearer with every microsecond. My dash jets could slow us down before we made impact, but forty feet of acceleration was hard to counterbalance. Ryoko had a better chance of surviving if I made for the balcony.

Any one of the balconies, actually. There were balcony views to the office on each level of this side of the building. I flared towards the nearest one in a beautiful rising arc…and fell miserably short fell as my dash jets ran out of juice.

I really wish they didn't do that.

It's the same everywhere I go. Even if I get dash powers, they give me about two seconds of flight before I have to touch ground and recharge. Why can't my body spring for full-on jetpack-powered flight one of these days?

Never mind. Back to saving Ryoko. Positronic processing units give me way too much time to think.

Thanks to the limited, and for the moment exhausted, charge in my dash boots, we had about 2.4 seconds of flight time before smashing Ryoko-first into the railing of the third-story balcony. If I tried to catch on I'd have to let go with one hand, and the whiplash alone could break her fragile human neck. Without dash jets I couldn't even twist us around so I hit the rail first. As for cutting it out of the way to ease our landing, I'd dropped my saber back on the balcony. My options were more limited than usual.

My eyes flicked momentarily up to X's, a level and a half above. He was looking at me like I'd grown a big purple buster cannon on my face. What, you've never seen me jump off a building four stories up to grab a fifteen-year-old girl just as she mysteriously materializes from a wormhole suspiciously like one of ours, dash over and catch her, then run out of dash jet power at exactly the wrong second?

X gets the funniest expressions when he's confused. I grinned and shifted my grip on my wife as a thought came to me. Why was I trying to do this all alone? Isn't that what friends are for?

"Catch!"

Up goes one unconscious teenage girl…

…down goes one awesome blond robot, faster than ever.

She just barely cleared the fourth-story railing, blue hair spinning crazily around her as my throw brought her within range of X's outstretched arms. He caught her smoothly in his blue armored embrace.

My new spinning path sent me hurtling down to the second story balcony. I smashed into the flooring hard enough to shatter the tile and bounce into the sliding glass door that led inside. Needless to say, in the contest between reinforced glass and Zero, Zero wins. I ended up on the other side of the glass in a short, sharp shower of shards. Scared humans screamed and ran for their lives.

For a moment I lay there, taking in the boring white plaster of the ceiling. For a building that otherwise looked impressively designed, they didn't have much imagination when it came to the office ceilings. No, I didn't really care. I was just waiting for a damage report from my body. Robots have the most convenient autofunctions, much better than this breathing and eating stuff you humans do.

When my systems reported no major damage, and nothing to stop me getting up and moving around, I made my way to the balcony above. The door was conveniently open and my dash jets ready for another round of fun.

As I vaulted over the third-floor railing and blasted upwards, I heard the funniest thing.

"Zero…you look different…"

It was Ryoko's voice, though a little weak and uncertain. I smiled again as I cleared the fourth-story railing and found X standing there with a blinking blue-haired girl cradled in his arms. She didn't seem aware of me at first, but X did. He gave me a look of utter bafflement, his synthetic eyebrows furrowed and his stance stiff and uncertain.

"Uh, Zero? Where did she come from? What's going on?"

I snickered and leaned back against the railing. "What, never seen a girl drop out of the sky before? You've been in one universe too long, buddy."

Ryoko turned to regard me blearily as I spoke. Meanwhile, X blinked at me with wonder pouring from his expression. Then he glanced down at her, back up at me, and smiled. It was one of those obscenely cute grins, like something had lit up his whole world at once. "I think this one's yours."

I tried to give him my trademark smirk, but couldn't manage the expression. I just had to smile at how X had started beaming for the second time today. One grin is rare enough, but two in five minutes?

He started to walk over to me with Ryoko, but she wasn't having any of that. My wife wriggled free of the Blue Bomber's grip and stood on shaky legs.

"I'll go to him on my own two feet, thanks." She forced a smile and put her hands on her hips. "I spent a long time in subspace getting ready for this, and I won't have you spoil it now."

My eyebrows quirked. "What, no hero worship? This is Megaman X you're talking to. Don't you feel at least a little awed and inspired?"

The little schoolgirl made a face and started to walk towards me. I saw her starting to stumble and dashed forward to catch her before I even thought twice. She threw her arms around my neck and clung on with surprising strength.

"Caught you."

Ryoko kissed me like it was the first time. I guess in this universe it was. I wasn't really into it, being a robot and all, but she'd been through a lot. I gave her what she wanted. Meanwhile, X tapped the com unit on his helmet and spoke a few quiet words.

"…and send an ambulance. That's all."

My wife nuzzled a bit closer. I held her gently against my crimson armor and met X's emerald green eyes over her shoulder. "I guess I have a little explaining to do."

He shook his head. "Let's get her to the hospital. We can catch up on the way."

X0X0X

"Excited policemen and medical people got there soon after that." Zero sipped his soda and shrugged. "X told me they were okay, so we let them load her in the ambulance so long as they let us come with. X told me about his work with Susan Calvin on the way, and I told him what I'd been up to since we split up. Ryoko didn't want to talk much right then. She was pretty tired from her first universe hop."

Inafune's crystal blue eyes settled down on the rim of his soda. I smiled.

"I'm glad she made it. You two are perfect for each other."

"Yeah." Zero smiled a little and followed my glance over to her. She was humming a pop love song while she labored over the stove. Does she ever get tired of cooking for this guy? "Don't get me wrong, we go through all kinds of problems and fights and trials together. Just one thing, we started trying to find our way back home again, but there's no easy way to do it. And there's Sigma to deal with. And there's always someone to save. Still…"

His eyes caressed Asakura from a distance. It would've been downright creepy if I didn't already know they were married.

"…we'll work it out, together. Blue Bomber, Red Ripper, and…Asakura Ryoko. There's no one like her."

X popped his head in from the kitchen too. "Hey, Kyon-kun. You're out of milk. How're we going to make any rice pudding like this?"

I shuddered. Memories of the results of Inafune's last milk run sprang to mind without asking permission first. "Doesn't he know?"

Zero shook his head, a dark look spreading across his face. He got to his feet in a determined movement, wooden sword rattling ever-so-slightly in its sheath. "No, but he will.

"X, there's this one thing about rice pudding…"


End file.
